Redditor luxbestgirl is a 21-year-old who is pregnant.
She admitted to not wanting to be a parent and was considering giving the baby up for adoption.
However, her mother strongly opposed it, and her solution became a point of contention between them.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not wanting my mom to adopt my baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained what happened.
“I am about six months pregnant. I just found out a couple of weeks ago. My plan was to give the baby up for adoption since I don’t think I should become a parent right now, especially if I don’t really want to.”
“My mom has been attached to the baby since she found out. She keeps saying that she doesn’t want her grandchild with a stranger.”
“I’ve already told her that I’m not ready to be a parent and I feel like it will ruin my life. She keeps telling me that nothing will change, which I know isn’t true; having kids is a lifelong commitment.”
“Recently, she told me she was going to adopt the baby and that it makes more sense for her to adopt them rather than give them to a stranger.”
“I told her it would be weird because the baby would know I’m their mom.”
“Wouldn’t they be upset when I decide to have other kids? And wouldn’t it be better for them to go to a couple who really want a baby?”
“I just feel like it would be weird for me to be in their life like that. My mom is insisting on adopting the baby and even told me she would disown me if I gave it up for adoption.”
“She says that I’m being selfish, but I think it would be weird for the baby too. I think she is in love with the idea of the baby.”
“I am fine with doing a semi-open adoption so my mom can have updates, but any thing more than that doesn’t feel right to me.”
“AITA for still wanting to give the baby up for adoption even though my mom wants it?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. It sounds like you know what you want. I’m just sayin if something happens to your mom, your family is probably going to immediately look to you to care for the child.”
“I think if I were that kid growing up I’d feel awkward about the situation too. ‘My grandma adopted me cause my mom didn’t want me?'”
“Just a weird dynamic and it’s terrible of your mom for pressuring you.” – Ofkylo
“Yep, and I bet mum will always be on OP to be involved too. Probably financially as well.”
“There’d be no moving on and not having the child shoved in her face all the time; OP would probably have to go low or no contact with her mother if she allowed this.”
“Given mums behaviour, I wouldn’t even do an open adoption at this point, or at least no information would be passed onto her. Who knows what she could try with even a bit of information.”
“I’d ignore completely the threat of being disowned as well, and say ‘If you want to throw away our relationship, that’s your choice..’ I’d say nothing else. Time to stop giving her any information, take space, and complete the adoption in peace.” – Lexia_extreme511
“If you disown me, there will NEVER be any grandbabies for you.”
“That should shut her up.”
“OP, thank you for your selflessness in putting the needs of the baby you are carrying first. I know a lot of families that have been built by adoption and they all had to hope and pray and wait for years and years.” – EinsTwo
“NTA. The point of an adoption is to give the child a family not to give them issues because their mother is actually their grand-mother and their sister is actually their mother.”
“It’s your choice to make. Not hers.”
“If I were you, I would not tell her when I go into labour and I would do this on my own so that she doesn’t try to interfere with your decision after the birth.”
“Besides, what happens if you do change your mind after the birth ? Would she still be okay with being just the grandmother?” – Organic_Extension750
“NTA. Anyone who threatens to disown their child for not wanting a child shouldn’t be allowed near any children.” – WinstonChurchillin
“NTA. Why would you want to give your baby to someone who threatens to disown you for making a perfectly reasonable choice as an adult?”
“If your mother can’t accept that her adult daughter is making independent decisions that she might not agree with, why should she be given ANOTHER child?”
“Is she gonna disown that one when they do something she doesn’t like? I don’t know anything else about your mother, but the fact that she is willing to cut you off over this makes me think she isn’t fit to parent your child.” – internetpointsiguana
“NTA. Your mom is being bizzarely entitled. She’s more attached to a fetus that isn’t even hers than she is her own daughter.”
“Honetsly please don’t let her bully her into it if you don’t want to. This will leads to loads of problems and tension.” – dingthewitchisdeaf
“NTA. I think you are fully justified in putting the baby up for adoption when you just aren’t ready for it.”
“As for your mom, I think you need to tell her that the baby is going to be adopted to someone besides her because it honestly sounds like her mental health isn’t in the best spot for a baby either.” – SandwichBird14
Overall, Redditors admired the OP for considering giving her baby up for adoption.
The mother, on the other hand, was panned for giving her daughter such a dreadful ultimatum.