A household runs best if everyone makes at least one small contribution towards it.
Even if it’s something they don’t normally like to do, putting in even the tiniest effort can end up making a huge difference.
Of course, sometimes we may find ourselves truly unable to help for a multitude of reasons.
While most people are understanding in situations like these, not everyone finds being indisposed an acceptable excuse.
Feeling people need to “buck up” and carry on.
The husband of Redditor Cheap_Lettuce7160 was in the process of renovating a house for their family.
While the original poster (OP) had helped with some of the renovations early on, she had to decline continuing to help, feeling she was in no position to do so.
Unfortunately, the OP’s husband found her excuse to be anything but valid, even going so far as to call the OP “ungrateful”.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to go into our renovation house and remove wallpaper while 23 weeks pregnant?”
The OP explained why she felt less than inclined to help her husband with renovations, and her. husband’s reaction to this:
“My husband asked me to go into our renovation house which has no heating (the temperature has been in the minus the last couple of days so the house is freezing) and no electricity and remove wallpaper because I took a week off work and I’m ‘free’ to do it.”
“I am 23 weeks pregnant and starting to feel really heavy while doing normal daily things and taking care of our 18 month old toddler.”
“I have gone to help twice previously with my husband as he has ADHD and struggles to focus on one task at a time and instead jumps from one to the next.”
“I refused to help this time because I found it unreasonable to ask me to go by myself and sit there removing wallpaper in the freezing cold.”
“When I refused his reaction was to call me ‘ungrateful’ as he has done all the work himself and I should at least do a little regardless of wether I am pregnant.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to help her husband with renovations:
Everyone agreed that it was far too risky and dangerous for the OP not only to help with renovations but even to spend any extended length of time in the house with no heat and unstable conditions, with many expressing significant doubts about her husband’s suitability as a father and a husband based on his behavior:
“NTA.”
“You shouldn’t be doing that kind of prolonged standing physical labor in the cold watching another toddler while pregnant regardless of your time off.”
“Also, why did you spawn with this man?”
“He seems pretty clueless as to what pregnancy involves.”
“If a man ‘ever’ called me ungrateful while I was carrying his baby for nine months I’d end that arrangement and remove my ‘ungrateful’ a** from his life entirely.”- runrunpuppets
“NTA.”
“Depending on the age of the wallpaper, it could have toxic glue and dyes.”
“It’s also dangerous for you to be doing work like that on your own – what if you tripped and fell and had no help for hours?”
“If he keeps giving you sh*t tell him that at the next medical checkup you will ask the doctor what they think and will explain husband’s position, see how he reacts to you suggesting that.”-Tree_Chemistry_Plz
“NTA.”
“Ask him who is going to be staying at home looking after the toddler and doing all the housework when you end up in hospital with pneumonia from working in that temperature.”
“Your immune system is already working overtime during this pregnancy, you can’t risk your health right now.”
“Also ask him when you over do it and get put on complete bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy, who is going to look after everything then also?”
“I think your doctor needs to talk to him.”- One_Winged_Dove
“NTA!”
“I was removing wallpaper on my landing some years ago, and unbeknownst to me, there was a type of mold/spore under it that made me have a scary reaction- quickly spreading rash, disorientation, and distress.”
“I wasn’t pregnant at the time!”
“And it was horrible.”
“Obviously this is anecdotal but making you work in a cold, potentially unsafe environment when you need to be taking extra care of yourself is madness.”- alancake
“Sorry his ADHD is not an excuse?”
“Or not a valid one.”
“He’s a grown man. He can learn how to manage that either on his own or with professional help like the rest of us did.”
“’I have ADHD’ he’s using is such a blatant crutch and bullsh*t excuse and not good enough.”
“I have ADHD. I’ve been pregnant and purchased a new house.”
“This is an unreasonable and unrealistic ask.”
“NTA.”- ZealousidealDingo594
“NTA.”
“You are not ‘free’, does this man even know what a pregnancy is?”
“Your body needs to focus on your baby, that’s why you’re off work.”
“If a man called me ungrateful while I am carrying our child inside me I would be free, free from him forever.”- Misplaced-psu
“NTA.”
“My mum miscarried at 19 weeks with twins due to this very same thing, removing wallpaper.”
“He’s the ungrateful one for expecting you to do such a task whilst carrying his baby.”
“Growing a human being is a delicate process and takes a lot out of the mother to be, especially when you’re already managing a toddler.”
“He’s the AH not you.”- Beautiful-Way-2259
“NTA but your husband is.”- gdognoseit
“23 weeks here as well, we must be due around the same time.”
“I would absolutely not be able to do this work, and I don’t even have a toddler to take care of! Maybe if it was in a warm house with a comfortable chair to roll around then.”
“Maybe.”
“But I’ve removed wallpaper before, you have to get it wet and scrape it off, that’s a ton of up and down movement and would be absolute murder on my pelvis and lower back.”
“Plus a lot of other people have pointed out the toxicity involved in this which would be a hard NO.”
“Your husband is out of his mind to demand this.”
“Your job right now is to grow a healthy baby and you can’t do that while freezing and exposing yourself to toxins while destroying your back.”
“NTA.”- violettheory
“So you’re 23 weeks pregnant, while taking care of a toddler, and your husband is saying you should do some work on the house?”
“NTA.”- Arandombritishpotato
“NTA.”
“Carrying a tiny person is exhausting.”
“And if you’re still experience morning sickness, it’s not ideal.”
“Quick question though, is this the house you’ll be living in once the baby arrives?”- PrincessCG
“You already have done a little, at least twice.”
“I’m astounded daily at the things men don’t know about women’s bodies, especially with regard to pregnancy.”
“They act as if we are ‘just getting fat and irrational’.”
“No, a pregnant woman literally is growing a potential person in her body.”
“Nutrition is literally being pulled from the woman’s body to fuel the fetus.”
“Her heart and lungs are working harder to cover the increased blood volume and the oxygen needs of the fetus.”
“A symphony of hormones is being conducted for 40+ weeks, and just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.”
“It’s not like OP is sitting on her ass 24/7 and using pregnancy as an excuse.”
“She works and has an 18-month old.”
“She happened to take some time off work, and she should be allowed to do so without having her earned free time dictated by her husband without her input.”
“Stripping wallpaper can be hard work.”
“Going up and down ladders/stepstools, reaching over head, scraping – these are all things that could potentially cause a muscle/joint pull, which OP is more prone to thanks to the relaxin hormone increase, and she’s also at increased fall risk.”
“If she says that the request is unreasonable, the request is unreasonable.”
“There is zero reason to believe she’s taking advantage.”
“NTA.”- MeanestGoose
“NTA.”
“I am usually in the camp of ‘pregnancy is not an excuse to not do normal things’ but removing wallpaper is not a normal thing.”
“Spending hours in a below 0 house is not a normal thing.”- Melindrha
One can at least appreciate the fact that the OP’s husband is working on creating a dream home for his family.
That being said, his priorities seem to be a little skewed.
As he seems to be putting the renovation above the health and safety of his wife and unborn child.
Leaving one to think maybe he should take a cue from the OP and also briefly take a break from renovations.
Or pay professionals to do it…