It's always nice to go on an outing with a friend.
Unless that outing doesn't turn out as fun as we hoped it might be.
Most people tend to put their heads together, and figure out an alternative solution that pleases both of them.
Others might have differing opinions, often resulting in some unwanted tension.
Reddito viserya127 recently went on an outing with a friend.
While the original poster (OP), had fun on the chosen outing, their friend enjoyed it far less, even going so far as to call it quits halfway through.
When the OP decided to finish what they had started, their friend was anything but understanding.
Concerned she might have been insensitive to her friend, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here?" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH I refused to quit when my friend did?"
The OP explained why their friend was now giving her the cold shoulder following an outing:
"This summer, my friend (28 non-binary) and I (29 F[emale]) did a zip line obstacle course."
"We had both gone zip lining before, and we had done obstacle courses like this before, but this time, for the first time, we did an extreme course, the biggest and hardest in our country."
"For the first half of the course, all was going well."
"We each had obstacles we struggled with, but we always waited for each other and helped each other when needed."
"Until about halfway through, when my friend decided to call it quits."
"They said they had pushed themselves as far as they could go, so I sat with them (just hanging in my harness) while we waited for someone to repel them down to the ground."
"Once they were safe on the ground, I told them I'd meet them at the end of the course, then we could do the regular zip lines if they were still up for it."
"About 30 mins later, I finished the course and my friend said they still wanted to do the regular zip lines, so we did."
"Everything seemed fine then, but once we got in the car to go home, their tone shifted."
"They told me it was selfish to continue the course while they just waited for me to finish, and I should've called it quits when they did."
"I apologized but also explained that I wasn't going to quit something I had paid for (I also paid for their zip line fees), and that finishing that course was important to me."
"Every summer I try do you at least one thing that scares me or seems too difficult."
"It's an important part of my self-esteem building, and my friend knows this."
'The course was also 3+ hours away, not something I wanted to drive twice for."
"Since then, my friend has been avoiding me and bad-mouthing me to mutual friends."
"AITA for finishing the obstacle course instead of calling it quits when my friend did?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP did nothing wrong by finishing the ropes course.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to finish the course that she paid to complete, with many wondering if the behavior of her friend may have been owing to jealousy or embarrassment:
"NTA."
"Friend made the decision to quit and should not have expected that you would follow blindly."
"Everyone has their own level of endurance."- skittles9005
"NTA."
"Your friend is embarrassed they couldn't finish and are taking the jealousy they feel over it out on you."
"Very immature friend."- LL2JZ
"You're NTA, your friend is suffering from FOMO and is taking it out on you because the regret of giving up is more uncomfortable than the feeling of blaming you."
"Funnily enough, I was you 2 years ago, right down to the ziplining course 3 hours away from home, and me paying for both mine and my friend's fees."
'My friend quit halfway through, too, but I carried on."
'The difference is that my friend stayed below and cheered me on and, when I got to a part that I genuinely thought would be impossible for me, she gave me a pep talk and pushed me through and literally screamed in enthusiasm when I made it."
"She apologized to me afterward for giving up on something that I paid for, and I told her, don't be silly, you gave it your all, the point is the experience, and we did loads of other things together that day, and it was worth it."
'That is how it should have gone down for you and your friend, and I'm sorry it didn't."- coppeliuseyes
"NTA."
"It seems like your friend is embarrassed that you can do something that they can't do."- datbreezetho
"NTA."
"Get better friends."- dbl-dd
"NTA."
"Your friend is weak, dishonorable, and selfish."
"Their inability to finish was not inherently dishonorable, but their handling of your ability to finish was."
"You deserve better."- 408jay
"NTA Your friend accuses you of being selfish while they were the one acting selfishly."- howlingmonkey93
"NTA."
"And the fact that they are bad-mouthing you is insane."
"Call them out on it."
"You did nothing wrong."
"You shouldn’t have to stop because they did."
"A good person would wait patiently for you to finish, and hell dare I say even be happy for you!"
"Your friend’s reaction is really weird."
"Sorry OP."- GaymerLounge
"NTA."
"Your friend should have been encouraging you to go on and been happy you completed it."
"They must be embarrassed they couldn’t finish but that’s not your fault."- Key_Sprinkles_5410
"You might have outgrown this friend."
"It happens a lot in your twenties."
"You realize that people you had fun with aren’t really your people and don’t love you the way you deserve."
"NTA."- PlaidChairStyle
"NTA."
"She should have been happy that you were able to complete it."
"Congratulations!"- ThisGirlIsFine
"NTA."
"It’s 'selfish' for you to finish the course but it’s not selfish that she expects you to quit because she did?"
"Twisted logic."
"As others have said, not your friend and she will pull you down and keep on doing so."
"Don’t let that happen—you’ve got grit and endurance."
"Go live your best life."- clfl123
"NTA."
"Good job finishing and paying for loser friends to quit too."- melenajade
"NTA."
"Your 'friend' needs to grow up."
"I'm shocked that they are acting this way at 28."- DeliciousButthole8
"You will always be the a**hole to...these types of people...but, in reality, you're NTA."
"Your'e friend is whiney baby that bit off more than they could chew."- Ok_Molasses1111
"NTA."
"His decision to quit does not mean you needed to."- RJack151
"NTA."
"If I'm paying for something I'm going to do everything I paid for!"
"Just because your friend quits doesn't make you have to!"
"Maybe if they paid for me I would've left when they were done, but if I'm paying, I'm getting my money's worth!"- Sweaty-Highlight6614
"NTA."
"A real friend would have cheered you on."
"It was selfish of them to expect you to quit too."- cassowary32
"NTA."
"Your 'friend' needs to get right with the universe on their opinion of what you should have done."
"They wasted your money by quitting."
"So I think they need to pay you back and not go with you anymore."- Ok-Writing8943
"NTA at all."
"Your friend is ridiculous."
"You were there to finish a zip line course, and by god you finished it."
"Since your friend already sports the NB label, maybe they should also try and explore the NWB identity, ie, Non Whiny B**ch."- Noirceuil_182
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and agreeing that her friend's emotions may have gotten the better of them:
"I think the comments about being embarrassed and jealous are spot on."
"For context, I've always been effortlessly skinny (thank you high metabolism), but I am definitely not what you would consider 'fit'."
"I can barely do a push-up lol."
"My friend, however, has always struggled with their weight, but also boasts about how fit and strong they are because they did kickboxing growing up."
"I wholeheartedly believe they're more fit in a physical strength way; I just have more endurance."
It couldn't have been easy for the OP's friend to see her finish the course after they gave up.
Even so, being angry at the OP for wanting to get her money's worth is pretty childish indeed.
Especially considering the OP paid for their zipline fees.
One also has to wonder how good a friend someone who badmouths their friends to others actually is...
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.