Sharing a living space is always a balancing act, specifically owing to the fact that everyone is responsible for maintaining the overall upkeep of their home.
In theory.
As some people just like to assume that if they don't take care of something, one of their roommates will.
Which might happen, even though it's always less than appreciated by the responsible party.
Redditor dwarven-puff-pastry recently moved into a new living situation with two roommates.
Upon moving in, everyone sharing the apartment seemed to adhere to the agreed-upon chore chart.
As time passed on, however, the original poster (OP) found herself picking up their two roommates' slack.
Leading to an inevitable confrontation.
Unsure of how they handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to continue participating in the roommate chore chart?"
The OP explained why they found themself at odds with their two roommates:
"We'll call my roommates (for anonymity) Ashley and Elise."
"After a divorce, I moved across the country to Boston."
"New Start."
"Upon move in, had a roommate meeting."
"Got a roommate text chat, and agreed to a chore chart rotation."
"At first it started great."
"Everyone did their chores without issue and without delay."
"Was perfect."
"Things began to change though."
"Ashley would need someone to cover dishes."
"Elise would need someone to take out trash for her."
"I would always offer and take it up, just to make things run smooth."
"But that was not just a hiccup, it eventually became the norm."
"The other two girls would lean more and more on me."
"Other quirks came up as well."
"Things like, Ashley watching me come and go through our second story window."
"Ashley shaking in the middle of the room in her pajamas at 3am when I get home from a closing shift, worried I'm breaking in. (way too frequently for how often I worked a closing shift)."
"Ashley in general just became a lot."
"One day, I'm out with friends, and I get a text in the group chat from Ashley."
"She is saying that she'll take down the trash, but not ALL of it."
"Two plastic grocery sized bags were 'personal looking' and so she said she wouldn't take it down and that 'the owner can deal with it'."
"But at this point, I've kind of had it."
"Ashley has regularly only did half her chore or got someone else to do it for reasons."
"And I was tired of picking up the slack."
"So I wrote, 'Hey, those are mine. I can totally take mine down if you don't want to, but going forward I'll just take care of my own things.So don't worry about it'."
"They asked if that meant I wasn't participating in the chore chart. I said yes, and then went to explain, 'Just to make things easy, I'm gonna keep my food, dishes, trash, and all belongings in my room. Clean up after myself at the point of mess, and just do me'."
"Had a mini-fridge, dish rack, trash bin, etc., in my room."
"Ashley and Elise complained, saying things about how if they made a mess on the stove, who would clean it up if it wasn't there the week?"
"I argued that we are adults and should just clean up after ourselves."
"We are all 25yo+."
"They didn't like that."
"Ashley began DMing me about being selfish."
"When I got home, she was watching me come back and tried to intervene and have a discussion."
'I said no, and went to my room.'
"Didn't want to talk angry."
"Needed to cool off."
"After a barrage of texts and knocks, she texted me telling me that when her dad was young, he said he hated his mom after an argument."
"They went to bed."
"Mom died in her sleep, and Dad never got to take it back."
"So, 'If we don't make up before bed, we might not ever get the chance'."
"Eventually Ashley and Elise cornered me in the kitchen, saying I'm 'off' and trying to pry into my 'emotional problems'."
"They wouldn't drop it, so I quickly rattled off a list about recently getting divorced, new meds, new area, just want to handle my own things."
"I went back to my room and locked the door."
"Am I the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for boycotting her chore chart.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was doing the right thing by no longer adhering to the chore chart when both her roommates were doing the same. With many urging her to move out as quickly as possible, even if some questioned their decision not to call them both out for their poor behavior rather than citing her own personal problems:
"They just want you to do everything for them."
"Keep doing your own chores and no-one else's and move as soon as you can."
"Oh and Ashley is an insane drama queen."
"NTA."- Ok-Isopod1172
"Why would you bring up all of your 'issues', rather than tell them they were using you and you no longer wanted to participate?"
"The only thing you did by telling them your problems was to give them ammunition to gaslight you."
"These two individuals preyed on your sympathy and now that you’ve stood up for yourself 'of sorts', they have a problem with it."
"Stand your ground and don’t give in."
"Let them clean their own messes."
"NTA."- Original_Pen3443
"NTA."
"And they don’t need to know about ur meds or personal things to that degree."
"You aren’t 'off' - they are looking to pinpoint a 'reason' for you acting the way you are now."
"They are either totally dumb and clueless or are taking advantage of you."
"Probably the latter."
"They sound extremely immature - literally, if you use the oven, clean it?"- MsMantisToboggan
"Obviously NTA, they are using you."
"Move out as soon as possible."
"I would not be able to feel at home there."- 50-POTATOS
"NTA."
"But you should have called them on their bad behavior putting sh*t on you and then when it is their turn half a**ing the job."-FairyFartDaydreams
"NTA."
"you don't want to be in the rotation."
"That doesn't mean the two of them can't rotate chores."
"'Who cleans the stove if it's not their week?'"
'Well, Ashley, I guess whichever one of you is on for that week."
"Also, I didn't say I hated you while I was angry, so we're all good."
"The fact that I want to handle my own chores doesn't mean I hate either of you, I don't."
"I think this could work well but if it bothers you too much, I will look for somewhere else, I don't want to cause you undue stress."-readergirl35
"If they made a mess on the stove, who would clean it up if it wasn’t their week?"
"GTFOH. LMAO."
"They should be cleaning up any mess they make regardless if it’s their week."
"WTF?"
"NTA."- Severe_Feedback_2590
"NTA."
"But they are both lazy."- Maleficent_Pay_4154
"NTA, please find a way to get out of that house as soon as possible."
"Because those two seem to be missing some screws."- Fine_Following_2559
"NTA not the mom either."
"Good for you."- pumainpurple
"Those kids are used to having a parent wiping their butt. They're barely able to function."
"Honestly just keep doing ur own thing."
"Take out ur own trash."
"Clean what u use."
"They cant pin a mess u didn't do."
"NTA."- Angry_Jezuz
"NTA."
"BUT you def needed to not enable their behavior."
"Instead of mentioning your personal issues, you should have just stated 'personal looking trash' has never been an issue up until now, and if they have a problem, maybe you all need to discuss removing the chore chart."
"Also hindsight 20/20 and you cant just back out of a lease so get being anti confrontation."- Inevitable_Tiger387
There were some, however, who lost the support of the Reddit community by using their own emotional state as an excuse, when they should have taken the opportunity to call out their roommate's laziness:
"ESH."
"They suck for the obvious reasons."
"Not even going to go into that."
"But yo, you had the opportunity to speak up and tell them exactly what’s wrong, and instead you talking about your divorce and medications?"
"Come on."
"You should have been straightforward with them and told them that they’re lazy pigs and you’re sick of cleaning up after them and doing their chores."
"This disagreement didn’t happen because of your divorce; it’s because they’re both incredibly lazy individuals."
"You have to be honest with people, otherwise they’ll continue to believe that their behavior is perfectly acceptable."-JudgeJudyScheindlin
The OP had more than enough evidence to justify her decision to pay only passing regard to the chore chart.
Claiming her own emotional distress may have, unfortunately, weakened her argument.
What is ultimately clear, however, is that it is in the OP's best interest to look for an alternative living situation as quickly as she can.
