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Guy Irate After Girlfriend Makes ‘Childish’ Chore Chart So She Won’t Have To Clean Up After Him

Woman with "To Do" List.
LaylaBird/Getty Images

When sharing a living space, it’s important for everyone to put in a bit of effort to keep the place respectable.

There are those who actually enjoy cleaning, and don’t mind being the one who does all the heavy lifting.

Others, however, like to make sure everything is done equitably, and therefore might instigate a schedule or chart to make sure everyone keeps up their share of chores.

Redditor Fightingaboutchores was growing increasingly frustrated by pulling her boyfriend’s weight in chores after he repeatedly forgot to do them

As a result, the original poster (OP) took it upon herself to create a chart as a way of reminding him.

Unfortunatley the only thing the chart succeeded in doing was causing a rift between the OP and her boyfriend.

Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for making a (very) childish chore chart for my boyfriend?”

The OP explained why her boyfriend did not respond kindly to the chore chart she implemented in their home.

“My (20 F[emale]) boyfriend (23 M[ale]) recently moved in with me.”

“Now, he has ADHD, so noticing when things have to be done and actually doing them are a bit of a struggle for him.”

“Now, I sympathize.”

“I realize it might be difficult.”

“But it’s also frustrating to come home at 8 pm only to find out I still need to buy groceries and cook, cuz he forgot.”

“Or to want to do laundry, only to find out his wet laundry has been in the machine for 4 days.”

“Or wanting a quick bowl of cereal for breakfast, but having to skip it because he forgot to put the milk back in the fridge.”

“Having to do his chores / fix something he started is a daily occurence.”

“When he moved in we divided chores 50/50, I let him pick the ones he liked, and I do the rest.”

But he’s not doing his part.”

“We talked about it several times, but he always says he just forgets or doesn’t see it.”

“I suggested he download an app that’ll send him reminders, but he thinks the reminders would only stress him out.”

“So I made him a chore chart.”

“The most childish one I could, with bright colours and smiley faces for completed tasks.”

“I hung it up on the fridge.”

“And well… he’s pissed.”

“He thinks I’m an AH for ‘humiliating him like this’ (no one but us has seen it).”

“This wasn’t a first resort.”

“I tried lists, notes, checklists, apps, reminding him in person.”

“If I remind him when we’re home he’ll say ‘later’, I’ll remind him again, ‘later’, I do the dishes that were ‘soaking’ in the sink for 5 days, and he’ll get mad at me because ‘he was just about to get to that’.”

“He also doesn’t seem to struggle with remembering things or completing tasks at work.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for creating a chore chart for her boyfriend.

Everyone agreed that it wasn’t fair for the OP to have to pick up her boyfriend’s slack, and creating a chore chart that made his duties explicitly clear was absolutely the right thing to do, with many people who also suffer from ADHD expressing how his diagnosis was not a valid excuse for him not to do his chores.

“He doesn’t get to treat you like his mommy and then whine when you treat him like your child.”

“NTA.”- JC_Tiberius


“He clearly just wants you to do everything with no changes on his part.”

“You could have made the most professional adult chore chart in existence and he’d find a way to call it emasculating because he doesn’t want to do anything, period.”

“It’s so funny to me it’s emasculating to make the chore chart cute but not manipulative and ‘motherizing’ you when he doesn’t do his fair share of the housekeeping.”

“He’s doing a great job of reversing victim and offender.”

“Personally, I’d break up and move out.”

“Emotionally immature people take years and years to change, if ever.”

“I heavily doubt he’s going to grow up in time to be the partner you deserve.”- pillowforts5ever

“Managing his disability is his responsibility, not yours.”

“If he doesn’t like the chore chart, he can make himself a different one.”

“NTA in my opinion.”

“I have ADHD.”- tessherelurkingnow


“I am neurodivergent, I have PTSD, and I struggle with an eating disorder that can leave me fixated for hours.”

“I was in remission until a few months ago, and now I’m back in therapy, and that’s okay.”

“One meal, one workout at a time.”

“I manage my neurodivergency by having a set routine I do (I work from home, which is an enormous benefit) every day.”

“I manage my PTSD a variety of ways, too, for example, I have noise canceling headphones and a set July 4 plan to keep me inside and functional.”

“I manage my eating disorder by going back to therapy, powerlifting, positive self talk, relying on my partner (because ding ding, I’m NOT saying you shouldn’t help him, partner support is crucial), taking it one meal at a time, and watching YouTube content that most people don’t know exists and would horrify them if they did.”

“My point is that while all those things can overwhelm me, and I’m not always successful in coping (or even close), I have taken the time to try to adapt to my brain’s wacky process.”

“Because that’s what adults do.”

“And believe you me, I am constantly aware of what a burden this can be to my partner, even though he doesn’t perceive it that way.”

“And because of that, I go out of my way to try and cope and manage because I’m an adult with children and a partner who need me and love me.”

“And your partner isn’t making that effort, leaving you with all the burden of his ADHD.”

“And that’s what a young child does – leaves you with all the burden of their problems while making little effort to assist in coping.”

“Also, I’d f*cking love a colorful star chart, because I f*cking love cleaning AND feeling rewarded, so maybe I’m biased.”

“Your partner isn’t incapable of coping, he’s weaponizing incompetence.”

“He ate and had clean laundry before you, he got to work before you, etc.”

“Now he wants you to be his mom and refuses to manage his disorder.”

“So yeah, child’s chore chart seems about appropriate to me.”- mymindandme1987


“Diagnosed with ADHD.”

“I would *love* a chore chart like this.”

“It would make my life so much easier, even more so since someone else made it!”

“I understand him getting stressed out by the ‘amount’ of chores that need doing, but come on.”

“If I forget to do a very important chore (e.g. buy groceries and cook dinner) you know what I would do when someone reminded me?”

“I would apologise profusely and do it!”

“OP, when you remind your BF that he hasn’t done a certain chore (that you already asked him to do), does he do it then/apologize/do it within the next hour?”

“How does he rectify his mistake?”- ItsUpandDown


“He’s humiliating himself by not managing his condition’s impact on you.”- solidcordon


“People use ADHD to excuse any kind of behavior.”

“I have ADHD and I can remember to finish laundry and grocery shop and all kinds of things.”

“Nip this in the bud.”

“You shouldn’t have to be responsible for everything because he can’t remember.”

“Think long and hard about the future- are you going to marry and have kids with him?”

“You’ll be juggling everything then alone or having to follow him around telling him what to do.”-Inevitable-Sea-7921


“You are not his parent.”

“You are not responsible for making sure he does his share and you have suggested and tried numerous other methods.”

“At this point I doubt it’s his ADHD, that’s an excuse.”

“It weaponized incompetence, he knows you will eventually crack and do his chores.”-ChocolateSnowflake


“I’m so sick and tired of people using their ADHD as an excuse to be a f*ckin slob!”

“I also have ADHD and lists and charts are my whole life!”

“Because if I don’t, I WILL FORGET!”

“He might be mad cuz he’s been lazy and used to getting away with using his ADHD as an excuse.”

“I know cuz I’ve been there as well when I was in my 20’s, but he’s gotta grow up and take responsibility sometimes.”- JJjingleheymerschmit

No one likes to be treated like a child.

Though it seems clear that the OP wasn’t trying to patronize her boyfriend but merely help him remember to do his share of the chores.

Considering he doesn’t seem to have these problems at work, however, one wonders if it’s the chart he was offended by… or merely the idea of doing chores, to begin with.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.