A birthday is arguably one of the only days when someone gets to do exactly what they want.
Often causing them trouble, however, is that their friends and family might not always be as excited about their desired birthday plans.
Some grudgingly tag along, knowing how annoyed they will be at the end of the night, while others decide that the best decision is for them to skip the birthday celebrations altogether.
Redditor Nearby_Singer_4214 had a friend with an upcoming birthday.
Unfortunately, this particular friend's birthday always left the original poster (OP) feeling stressed and anything but joyous at the end of the day.
Leaving the OP to wonder if it was even worth attending this friend's birthday party.
Unsure of what to do, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**Hole" (WIBTA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA if I didn’t attend my friend’s birthday dinner because I know it’s going to be expensive?"
The OP explained why they were considering skipping out on their friend's upcoming birthday party:
"In our friend group, when it’s someone’s birthday we always pay for the birthday person."
"Whether they choose to do an event, go out to eat, a concert, etc., we will pay for the ticket or the price of their plate."
"But we have this one friend."
"Love her to pieces but she’s greedy."
"Whenever we go out she excessively orders in hopes that we split the bill evenly so that her still gets what she wants but at a lower bill."
"When it comes to her birthday, she really over does it."
"Last year, she had around 3 drinks, 2 personal appetizers, a market price meal ($$$) and dessert on top of the one they provide simply because it’s your birthday."
"We were a party of 5 but split the bill 4 ways so we ended up paying $140 per person."
"I’m still traumatized."
"This year, she wants to eat again."
"*Long sigh*"
'Because last year left such a sour taste in our mouths, we’re all not excited to go."
"One friend was on the phone with her recently and she brought up how she was going to 'treat herself', and said all the things she wanted to get and when I heard that, I just got really upset."
"Please understand, the restaurant she chose is not only pricey but, they’re priced a la carte."
'Yes, it’s your birthday and yes, we pay for the birthday person but you can’t 'treat yourself' on someone else’s dime."
"I know it’s a day meant to celebrate her but it makes me feel she’s super inconsiderate because there are times she doesn’t want to pay for something so she’s a no show or sending something back."
"Initially, I texted her I’d let her know soon if I’d be able to attend because finances were tight, even though, they’re fortunately not."
"Still, I like to be mindful of expenses especially in this economy."
"She then responded back, she understands and that she’ll find something else that she and I can do that won’t break the bank."
"It’s like she knows this is going to be an expensive dinner already."
"Would I be wrong if I didn’t go?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP would not be the a**hole for skipping their friend's birthday party.
Everyone agreed that the OP shouldn't have to cater to their friend's expensive tastes, even on her birthday, with many even urging the OP to consider becoming less of a presence in this friend's life in general:
"NTA."
"What an entitled person."
'Why are you friends with her?"- Full_Dot_4748
"NTA." - but you need to talk to your others friends about not going."
"And you all need to start setting up a top of amount you are willing to pay for somebody else's birthday."
"She sounds like a person who needs a reality check."- Frumainthedark
"NTA."
"Just skip it, she already gave u an out."- rajatkamalchauhan
"NTA."
"Don't go, she sounds really quite selfish."
"Can I ask what other people in the friend group have done for their birthdays and how that all worked out pp?"- FragrantFeeling397
"NTA."
"I wouldn't even consider to attend, if you in a normal night wouldn't spend that amount in yourself you don't even have to spend it on another person."- Dontlikegreenpepper
"NTA, Don't go."
"Don't do the follow up meal that 'won't break the bank' either."
"She just sounds determined to squeeze free food out of you."- Motor_Dark6406
"Firstly, NTA."
"Second, if you feel compelled to go consider compromising due to cost."
"I would simply ask the group (including her) what a good agreement on a cap per person should be?"
"And moving forward keep that cap for everyone’s events."
"Say $40 per person. And whatever the birthday person decides to spend above the allotted amount is on them."
"She can choose more thoughtfully."- RepulsedCucumber
"NTA."
"Can your friend group set a budget for all future Birthday meals (starting with hers)?"
"Something that everyone can afford, but still constitutes a treat for the Birthday person."
"Then everyone knows what to expect going forward."- Interesting_Gold7527
"Don't go."
"NTA."
"Send a gift if y'all do gifts."
"Buy the table an appetizer or dessert so you can 'be there in spirit'."
"But don't go."
"And don't feel guilty for being personally financially responsible."- opine704
"YWNBTA given it sounds like she is purposefully taking advantage of your friend group's kindness in covering the bill for the bday person."
"Moochers like this are insufferable."
"Confronting her about this calmly and kindly could be a way to go if you think she would react well and understand, as long as you are calm and mature about addressing the issue."
"Alternatively, if you do not want to confront her you could say that you cannot attend the dinner but suggest meeting her for a drink or lunch at another time."
"Say it is a birthday treat and you will surprise her on the location so you control the budget."- rl4y
"NTA."
"If you aren't comfortable spending a lot of money, don't."
"Give her $50 in a card and say 'unfortunately I can't make it, but here is something towards your meal'."- Neither-Investment95
"NTA, but your friend is. don’t go."
"She’s incredibly selfish & knows she can get away with taking advantage of you guys."
"You all need to stop allowing her to do this."
"if you wish to keep going out with her, be direct with her."
"Pick places with a set menu or hell even go back to paying separately when she’s around."
"If you & your friends keep enabling her it’ll never stop."
"It’ll only get worse."- esm3raida
"NTA."
"Your bank account is your own business."
"Take your friend up on the option to do something else."
"Let her know your decision ASAP, so she is not 'banking' on your attending the dinner."
"Wish her a sincere and loving Happy Birthday, and follow through with your plans to get together soon."- TecTazz
"NTA."
"I won’t lie, I get sick of b day dinners at this age."
"If it’s your b day, host people at your house."- HolidayNick
"NTA."
'I wouldn’t even if I could afford it."
"You’re her friends, not her bank."- Long_Cicada_7481
"NTA."
"I have a feeling she's fine with you not going because her assumption is you'll celebrate another day just the two if you, and you'll pick up the whole check."- BJntheRV
"NTA."
"I have a friend like this."
"If she comes, we do a set menu or we split everything individually."
"She will easily spend £100 more than one of our other friends (who we all know is on a much lower wage) and I’m not subsidizing her nonsense."
"What I would do though is find out where the restaurant is and what the setup is (aka are we sharing appetisers or eating our own) before saying a definite no."
"If she makes some compromise - aka a cheaper place - then you might still enjoy yourself."- longtimelondoner
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how she planned on dealing with her friend's birthday, as well as how she planned on handling going out with this friend in the near future:
"My friends and I had a separate discussion where I brought up some advice from you guys and we have decided for the future, we are setting dinner/event limits."
"We’re going to do a text in the group chat some time after her bday just so she hopefully doesn’t assume it’s about her."
"My other friends will continue to go to dinner with her as it’s coming up soon, and I have discussed with her that I will be unable to make it because I want to be conscious of money."
"She understood and admitted she can be pricey."
It's nice that the OP found a solution with their friend ahead of her birthday, as well as going forward.
Only time will tell whether or not this friend will take the hint to maybe lower the extravagance level on her birthdays.
Though there isn't a more obvious hint than the majority of your friends skipping the party...
