Trying out new things is a great way to interact with your friends. You can indulge in something they like, and they can do the same for your interests.
That's what twHarryBookClub thought when her friend invited her to a book club. The two moms thought it would be great for their group when their kids all play together.
But the original poster had an issue with the direction the club took, and wants to back out. She asks the "Am I the A**hole" subReddit the question "Would I be the A**hole" (WIBTA) if she backed out of the club?
Especially since her friend is being so controlling about it.
"WIBTA for Bailing on a Book Club that Only Reads Harry Potter?"
But shouldn't she try to see what her friend likes?
"There's a friend of mine (41F[emale]), Millie (35F) who recently discussed starting a book club and inviting some other mothers to it. A time for all of us to meet up, have the kids play together, talk about a book, and relax."
"I thought this sounded like a good idea, I'm a pretty avid reader when I have the time for it, so I said it sounded like a great idea."
"Ahead of the first meeting, Millie told me that the first book we'd be reading would be Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I wasn't exactly thrilled to hear this, I was under the impression that we'd be reading books written for adults."
"But I figured, hey, I can read Harry Potter for the first month."
"Kind of halfheartedly, I read the Harry Potter book. It was okay. It wasn't bad, it's just not the kind of thing I wanted to read in my spare time."
"I might have enjoyed reading it with my daughter, but she had already tried to read it a few years ago and didn't like it."
"Even so, I went to the book club, and we had a nice enough time. It was kind of obvious that Millie was much more into the book than anyone else there, but we still had a good time chatting amongst ourselves, and some people had some interesting insights."
"At the end of the meeting, though, Millie said, 'Okay, well let's meet again on the last Monday of next month, this time for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.'"
"I was floored. So were some of the other mothers. One of them asked Millie if this was just a Harry Potter book club, and Millie immediately got very defensive, asking what was wrong with finishing a series now that we started it."
"That same mother said she didn't really want to read more Harry Potter, and that we should read something else, and Millie insisted that she was in charge of the book club. That mother, and one other, said that they no longer wanted to take part, and it all ended on a pretty bad note."
"I've thought about it, and I'm not so sure I want to stay in either. But I know if I quit, it will upset Millie, just as much as the other moms upset her, if not more because this would leave only three people in the club. WIBTA if I quit this club?"
"tl;dr my friend started a book club, and then revealed it was basically a harry potter book club. Some other moms quit, and it really upset her. I want to quit too, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. WIBTA if I did it anyway?"
While OP was initially excited for the book club, her friend's choice of books leaves a lot to be desired. Would it be the worst thing if she decided to quit?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for wanting to quit the book club because her friend only wants to read Harry Potter by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While some people enjoy the Harry Potter series, they aren't for everyone. And while the group humored Millie, they didn't think they were signing up to several months of the series.
OP wouldn't be TA for wanting to quit, but Millie needs to let her friends have a say. Otherwise, more will quit.
The board agreed that Millie was being controlling, and OP is NTA.
"NTA"
"Millie wants a Harry Potter book club and doesn't seem to be able to handle the fact that not every one of her friends is a Potterhead. Be kind but firm and set your boundaries."
"No reason to stay in a club you don't enjoy to keep from hurting Millie's feelings. An adult should be able to handle other adults having different preferences without feeling hurt about it." - ShameOstricH
"This right here. A book club takes input from ALL members on what is to be read and also allows more time to acquire the book. You should also take turns being the discussion leader."
"Have an honest talk with your friend and explain that you're not interested in a Harry Potter club. If she is willing to change, it may save the club." - johnny9k
"NTA. That isn't really a book club. That's a forced co-read."
"Book clubs involve everyone having input towards the selection of the book. Could you discuss with Mellie everyone voting on the next read instead of just continuing Harry Potter."
"She's welcome to continue reading the book, but it seems more like she wants an excuse to talk about the books (which there are dozens of willing outlets if that's the case) but it isn't fair to make your friends a captive audience to do so." - Agreeable-Tale9729
"My mom's been in a book club for going on 20 years (probably more like 30 at this point). At the end of each year, each member puts up some books for next year, and then they all vote on them."
"That way everyone gets a say on what they read, and they also get lots of lead time to source and read the books. Someone is also appointed a lead researcher, and a host for each month, but it's never the same person doing both jobs, and everyone takes a turn periodically."
"Usually if they nominated the book, that person takes on the research position and leads the discussion."
"From what I can tell, there's been very little drama using this system. I suspect they worked out the kinks years ago." - hot-whisky
"NTA And ask the other quitting members if they want to start a book club with you where you rotate who picks the books. That's half the joy of being in a book club, you get to discover authors you mightn't read on your own."
"Sometimes you realize you don't like the author, and sometimes you love them, but unless stated initially, there should be variation on the books you read in a book club."
"In the one I'm in, we've read everything from Jules Verne to Stephen King, Richard Osman to Herta Müller, Bernard Cornwell to Tove Jansson." - KeyFly3
While the controlling nature of Millie and the fact that multiple members have expressed a disinterest in the series is plenty reason to not want to continue in the book club, there's another layer here.
The author of the Harry Potter series has been controversial for her bigoted opinions about trans people.
And not everyone wants to support that.
"NTA not only does it sound like a boring book club (aren't they supposed to be diverse and get you thinking of the themes, the story and why things happen the way they do, what you enjoyed about the writing and didn't (it doesn't sound like your friend would be happy if you didn't enjoy it)), JK Rowling has been blasted by many book readers for quite some time now due to her insensitive and quite frankly demeaning comments towards LGBTQIA+ community."
"Many people who were acid potterheads have left the series behind, don't show the books ok their 'shelfies' and don't give her any free advertisements. She is problematic at best, and deeply phobic at worst."
"Not an author you should be suggesting people go out and buy, especially if those people may not know her background." - nudul
"NTA. Ignoring that Harry Potter is insanely problematic, written for children/YA, and long, the series also has SEVEN books. Nobody can possibly be expecting a group of people to wait 7 months for the possibility of maybe reading a book they might like."
"Her little power trip is also enough reason to leave, I wouldn't want to meet up once a month for someone to boss my reading habits around... If Millie wants a Harry Potter club, she could've made one instead of trying to claim its a book club." - wormlover14
"NTA. Also, don't support JKR or any of her works. She's a massive transphobe, racist and antisemite."
"She considers anyone who supports her work to agree with her views, and she puts a lot of money into anti-trans causes. Supporting JKR is like supporting Chick Fil A." - Amazing_Excuse_3860
OP would not be TA for quitting, but it's obviously going to cause issues with Millie. She needs to be careful about how she disentangles herself from this situation.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.