Juggling relationships between a significant other and your friends can be a difficult balancing act.
For one guy on Reddit, it turned into a full-on conflict with his lonely wife, tears and all, when she asked to join him and his friends during their gaming sessions. So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for some perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by pototopan on the site, asked:
“AITA for saying no to my wife joining a gaming session with my friends?”
“So for background, my wife hates video games. Her hobbies are reading, crafts, writing, etc. I really enjoy video games, making games, etc. During the pandemic I’ve gotten back in touch with friends from high school and we have gaming nights twice a week.”
“My wife, on the other hand, does not have any friends and is pretty sad about it. Sometimes we have arguments about her being jealous of my hangouts with my friends. I do make time for her and we do have date nights at home, etc.”
“Well, my wife asked me yesterday if she could join in with my friends this week. This came way out of left field. Like I said, my wife has never really played any video games at all, and we don’t really play beginner-friendly games. She knows this.”
“I asked her why she wanted to join and she says she’s so lonely and just wants to be around people. She begged me to ask my friends if it would be ok. So I did.”
“Well, none of my friends were fans of the idea. None of them have girlfriends and there are no women in the group, and we’ve all known each other since high school. Many of them have never even met my wife. The idea made them uncomfortable.”
“I told my wife this and she cried. She told me she’s so tired of having no one to talk to and hearing my camaraderie with her friends, and she just wants something like that.”
“She’s tried joining virtual classes and things but it’s hard to make friends out of the blue during a pandemic. I know what it’s like to be lonely, and I empathize, but I don’t think this was a solution. She asked me to ask my friends again, and I said no. AITA for this?”
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And for the most part, they were not a fan of OP’s approach.
“Yea dude. YTA. If your wife is so lonely she’s crying in your face about it and all she wants to do is have people to hang out with you should try to include her on sh*t you’re doing. She doesn’t have to play with you guys every time but damn not even once? Knowing she’s sad as sh*t and lonely. How are you supporting her during this time?”
“If your friends didn’t want to play with her when you asked, then you should’ve been like ‘aight fellas well I’m gonna play with the wifey tonight so I’ll catch you later’. She’s never played before but maybe she’ll like it. If it’s an online game you can show her how to find groups and get her started.”
“Maybe this is a new hobby you two can bond over. But to just be like ‘Naw my friends said no’ is some of the lamest sh*t ever.
“maybe you should reconsider your priorities. This is coming from a person who plays with a group of friends and who’s gamer buddy just recently started including his girlfriend. It’s really not that big of a deal if she wants to play every now and then.” —4yelhsa
“I can’t imagine my partner crying from loneliness and my response being ‘well I need to keep the gaming club a No Girls Zone or my friends will be sad’. That’s not how adults function.”
“Also looking at OP’s older posts about his partner and yeah, she’d be better off without him. YTA.” —knittedjedi
“I lean on the side of YTA as well. I wonder how OP phrased it that his friends said no to even one gaming session? Because I can’t imagine any friend coming to me and explaining their spouse has pandemic depression and is feeling completely isolated and being so unempathic enough to schedule a third game night one week and include her.”
“Or maybe he could have suggested an online trivia tournament, something completely different that his friends could join in on but not lose the gendered video game night.” —MPBoomBoom22
“Very soft YTA. Your wife comes before video game night with old friends regardless if its fun to relive the nostalgia from when we were all 11.”
“I’ll add she’s LITERALLY crying out to you for help. People have committed suicide for loneliness. It can fester and eat away at a person. Don’t be one of the many out there that wished they could do things differently.”
“At the very least if it was me, I would reduce my 2x per week to 1x and spend that extra evening out with the wife, outside our comfort zone trying to make friends. Meetup.com is a great app for meeting others hiking, biking, walking, kayaking, etc. Many states have opened Covid vaccines up to all if that’s a concern too.”
“Hold her hand and help her. She NEEDS you now bud. Wife always comes before friends. Again, this is a pretty soft YTA…” —Reddit807
“YTA. The least you could do for your wife is to let her try. Especially her taking a step outside her comfort zone and try something new to do with you. I’m a gamer myself and You have no idea how awesome it is to be able to play with your partner.” —tikanderoga
Hopefully OP can learn to be a bit more sensitive to his wife’s needs.