Juggling relationships between a significant other and your friends can be a difficult balancing act.
For one guy on Reddit, it turned into a full-on conflict with his lonely wife, tears and all, when she asked to join him and his friends during their gaming sessions. So he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for some perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by pototopan on the site, asked:
"AITA for saying no to my wife joining a gaming session with my friends?"
He explained:
"So for background, my wife hates video games. Her hobbies are reading, crafts, writing, etc. I really enjoy video games, making games, etc. During the pandemic I've gotten back in touch with friends from high school and we have gaming nights twice a week."
"My wife, on the other hand, does not have any friends and is pretty sad about it. Sometimes we have arguments about her being jealous of my hangouts with my friends. I do make time for her and we do have date nights at home, etc."
"Well, my wife asked me yesterday if she could join in with my friends this week. This came way out of left field. Like I said, my wife has never really played any video games at all, and we don't really play beginner-friendly games. She knows this."
"I asked her why she wanted to join and she says she's so lonely and just wants to be around people. She begged me to ask my friends if it would be ok. So I did."
"Well, none of my friends were fans of the idea. None of them have girlfriends and there are no women in the group, and we've all known each other since high school. Many of them have never even met my wife. The idea made them uncomfortable."
"I told my wife this and she cried. She told me she's so tired of having no one to talk to and hearing my camaraderie with her friends, and she just wants something like that."
"She's tried joining virtual classes and things but it's hard to make friends out of the blue during a pandemic. I know what it's like to be lonely, and I empathize, but I don't think this was a solution. She asked me to ask my friends again, and I said no. AITA for this?"
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict using the following acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And for the most part, they were not a fan of OP's approach.
"Yea dude. YTA. If your wife is so lonely she's crying in your face about it and all she wants to do is have people to hang out with you should try to include her on sh*t you're doing. She doesn't have to play with you guys every time but damn not even once? Knowing she's sad as sh*t and lonely. How are you supporting her during this time?"
"If your friends didn't want to play with her when you asked, then you should've been like 'aight fellas well I'm gonna play with the wifey tonight so I'll catch you later'. She's never played before but maybe she'll like it. If it's an online game you can show her how to find groups and get her started."
"Maybe this is a new hobby you two can bond over. But to just be like 'Naw my friends said no' is some of the lamest sh*t ever.
"maybe you should reconsider your priorities. This is coming from a person who plays with a group of friends and who's gamer buddy just recently started including his girlfriend. It's really not that big of a deal if she wants to play every now and then." --4yelhsa
"I can't imagine my partner crying from loneliness and my response being 'well I need to keep the gaming club a No Girls Zone or my friends will be sad'. That's not how adults function."
"Also looking at OP's older posts about his partner and yeah, she'd be better off without him. YTA." --knittedjedi
"I lean on the side of YTA as well. I wonder how OP phrased it that his friends said no to even one gaming session? Because I can't imagine any friend coming to me and explaining their spouse has pandemic depression and is feeling completely isolated and being so unempathic enough to schedule a third game night one week and include her."
"Or maybe he could have suggested an online trivia tournament, something completely different that his friends could join in on but not lose the gendered video game night." --MPBoomBoom22
"Very soft YTA. Your wife comes before video game night with old friends regardless if its fun to relive the nostalgia from when we were all 11."
"I'll add she's LITERALLY crying out to you for help. People have committed suicide for loneliness. It can fester and eat away at a person. Don't be one of the many out there that wished they could do things differently."
"At the very least if it was me, I would reduce my 2x per week to 1x and spend that extra evening out with the wife, outside our comfort zone trying to make friends. Meetup.com is a great app for meeting others hiking, biking, walking, kayaking, etc. Many states have opened Covid vaccines up to all if that's a concern too."
"Hold her hand and help her. She NEEDS you now bud. Wife always comes before friends. Again, this is a pretty soft YTA..." --Reddit807
"YTA. The least you could do for your wife is to let her try. Especially her taking a step outside her comfort zone and try something new to do with you. I'm a gamer myself and You have no idea how awesome it is to be able to play with your partner." --tikanderoga
Hopefully OP can learn to be a bit more sensitive to his wife's needs.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.