At some point, we’ll all have someone visit our home, and we have to host them and ensure they’re having a nice time.
Hosting can be fun or incredibly taxing, depending on the situation or how many people are visiting. But some people don’t appreciate how much work goes into it.
In fact, it seems like some people go out of their way to encourage other people to host, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AITA-refusing felt like their husband was intentionally inviting his friends to their home because he had someone else to handle the hosting.
But after they saw their husband’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they should be more flexible.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to host my husband’s friends at our house?”
The OP felt taken advantage of by their husband’s friends.
“My husband and I are fortunate enough to live in Central London.”
“His friend Edward and his wife Beth live in the midlands. They have known each other for longer than he has known me, and they became friends through a shared interest/hobby.”
“I feel that the friendship is one-sided. Whenever they came down to London (Beth is a photographer and likes to go to touristy areas of London), they always asked to stay in our spare room.”
“I did not mind it the first few times, but it became apparent that we are being used as a free Airbnb (that’s how I feel).”
“We would of course make the flat as nice as possible, I cooked dinner for them every time as well.”
“We have never received any invitations to hang out with them.”
The OP was frustrated after a recent incident.
“One time, I think it was particularly outrageous, we were on a holiday in Croatia, and Edward asked my husband if he could get the keys to stay at our flat.”
“We recently bought a house together, and I voiced my feelings to my husband, but he said he didn’t see any problems.”
“I became frustrated and said, ‘Well this is my house too; I don’t want it to be used as a free Airbnb, so please don’t say yes without asking me first next time.'”
“My husband then said growing up he didn’t have to ask his mum whenever his friends wanted to stay over.”
“I said I am not his mum and I own half of the house and don’t like being a free Airbnb host, and I also brought up the hilarity of that one-time Edward asked to stay in our flat without us being there.”
“My husband said I was overreacting.”
The OP also added a few clarifications.
“A few of you seem to think I don’t like Edward and Beth. I do like to hang out with them.”
“We went up north to see them one time and hung out in town. They never offered anything else. I like them and would love to hang out with them when they visit.”
“And to clarify, Edward and Beth never brought anything to thank us for or pay for a meal out or anything. I personally never expected anything, but a few comments have made me realise they never do these things, and everyone else (family and friends that we have invited over) always brought us something. I feel that this subconsciously led to me feeling the way I feel.”
“They also go down to London every three months or so. Basically every time Beth wanted to take photos somewhere in London or whatever they needed to do in London.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some advised the OP to not host anymore.
“The visits probably don’t bother your husband because he’s not the one doing the actual work of hosting (cooking, cleaning, making arrangements). If your husband allows his friends to visit again, do none of the hosting responsibilities.”
“Don’t prepare the room, make a dinner, visit with his guests, or even make arrangements to let them in your home if your husband is working. They are your husband’s guests and he can do the work.”
“Heck, I would even go so far as to start using the guestroom to store Husband’s unneeded belongings (out of season clothes, sports gear, etc…).” – teresajs
“Yes, please stop hosting. Stop cooking. Stop helping. Esp if he didn’t even run it by you before giving them an answer.”
“They’re automatically only his guests and you didnt approve so why the f**k are you bending backwards for this s**t?” – shardsofyourglasses
“I totally agree. I think it was really nice of you to be so hospitable, but maybe the time has come for you to do less. Leave the room to get dusty. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner, every single time they come!” – diskebbin
Others agreed and were concerned about the one-sidedness of the friendship.
“I wouldn’t be so subtle since they don’t bring a little gift or offer you a meal, inform them that you would like to be taken out. Or inform them that you shall not be cooking and then give them a link to delivery places (since the old-school take out (sorry UK takeaway) menus are a thing of the past).”
“NTA. This doesn’t seem to be a 50/50 split. It doesn’t matter if you like them. You just don’t want to host them all the time.” – Sammakko660
“Every time my ex-best friend came to visit, I would go all out and make an amazing meal that I knew her and her hubs would enjoy. Spent anywhere from 50-150 on ingredients and beverages, and spent many hours preparing the menu and making a meal. They would drop by when they were visiting her parents and I always made it special.”
“In 12 years of friendship, she never once offered to pay for my dinner when I went to visit her (which involved 4 hours of driving or a 4 hour plane ride), never once planned something in advance, and never offered to.”
“When the friendship ended, I looked back and saw that the split was 90/10 and was shocked I let myself be treated like that because I would read stuff like this on Reddit and say the same thing you did. Friendship can make us blind!” – dapinkpunk
“I agree reciprocation is probably a big part of it. My dad is like that – hey let’s have everyone over for ___ holiday, but he never has to do any of the work leading up to it. None of the planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. It’s a lot of work!”
“And absolutely the guests should be taking them to dinner or something, anything, to show their appreciation.” – Reasonable_Tax2446
Though the husband was upset about the OP’s reaction, the subReddit understood where the OP was coming from. The friends were not reciprocating in any way, and the OP was doing all the work for hosting, not their husband. That combination would add up in any friendship.