Expectant parents have a lot on their plates.
There are so many decisions to make before a baby arrives.
So many things that they want to get right.
One of the most consequential decisions is a baby’s name.
That’s a topic that can draw some ire.
Usually, a lot of people have an opinion on this particular issue.
And that can be a problem.
Redditor MixtureDelicious7757 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for defending my sister’s right to keep her baby’s name secret until after the birth?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My little sister is pregnant with her first baby and our family of parents, other siblings, and even aunts and uncles, are all going crazy wondering what name she’s going to give her little one.”
“My sister has been asked and she has made it clear the name is not going to be known by anyone but her and her husband until after their baby is here.”
“We all know she’s having a girl and our family has some very strong ideas about names.”
“I think one of the reasons she’s so quiet about her choice is because our family tried to get me to change the names of my three children and they were rude about my children’s names; Piper, Rowan, and Skye.”
“My family prefers classic/royal family names.”
“My kids do not have those kinds of names.”
“The fact my husband and I announced the names before the birth really went badly for us.”
“We were both sick of it each time.”
“But we’d forget ourselves with the excitement of each pregnancy and we’d announce because we loved the names.”
“Of course, my family never put anything negative online because the reaction there was very positive.”
“I have an idea of what my future niece’s name will be.”
“Well, I have two actually, and neither name is something my family would approve of.”
“It makes me SO proud that my sister learned from me and decided to keep quiet on the name.”
“Our family keeps s**t talking about it though and they’re also trying to make her give in.”
“They say she must have some horrible name picked out and doesn’t want to be told they need to change it.”
“Or they’re under the belief she has chosen the name of someone they dislike.”
“But I think the former is the more popular thought amongst the family.”
“I have defended my sister each and every time the rest of the family starts this s**t.”
“I told them she and her husband have every right to wait to announce the names, that most people wait and it makes sense given their (my family’s) reaction previously.”
“This became a fight with my parents who told me they have every right to know beforehand.”
“I said they don’t.”
“Only the parents of the child have that right and not all babies get named beforehand anyway.”
“They told me it wasn’t my business anyway and I returned that it’s also none of theirs.”
“They are the ones trying to go against my sister and B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw]’s wishes.”
“I told them my sister has the right idea and they need to accept it and stop before they push her away or have limited info about their new granddaughter.”
“They told me I was being crazy and acting like they were doing something wrong which they are not, in their mind.”
“They told me I better not have been a bad influence on her with names.”
“I rolled my eyes.”
“They got so mad at me that they told me I owed the family an apology for how I have been treating them.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your Sister and BIL are absolutely in their right to keep the name a secret.”
“They DID learn from what your parents put you and hubs through.”
“Good for them.” ~ Comfortable-Sea-2454
“Absolutely. A pregnant friend explained it to me once as this.”
“If you tell people the name before the baby is born everyone feels they can weigh in on it and give their opinions freely.”
“But if you present an actual baby and say, their name is X, most people (or those with some common manners at least) will be more circumspect about criticizing the name (at least to your face!), as it feels more like a criticism of the new baby.”
“And most will also recognize that this is the name and it won’t be changing, so it’s too late to say something now.”
“So if you’re set on the name, and know it may draw unwelcome comments, definitely wait until the child is born.” ~ Duhallower
“NTA, grandparents injecting themselves into picking the name if they weren’t explicitly asked about is extremely insensitive and intrusive.” ~ Plokhi
“Yeah, we learned about this the hard way.”
“My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] was deadset that I had to have a boy and very dead set on a particular boy name.”
“Even though we knew we were having a girl we didn’t tell her the final name that we picked for our daughter because of how she was acting about us having a son.”
“And it wasn’t just a preference it was you must produce me one.”
“It must be this name out wasn’t even a family name so I don’t blame your sister for keeping quiet.”
“My sister kept quiet when she had her son and my sister-in-law smartly kept quiet with her kids as well learning from what happened with us?” ~ Skankyho1
“NTA but, for your peace of mind, stop engaging.”
“Let them throw a tantrum if they want, they will achieve nothing.”
“Besides, placing boundaries is about what you do: don’t tell them ‘stop doing this,’ say ‘If you do/mention this, the conversation/visit is over.'”
“Perhaps having real consequences will drive the point home. Or not.”
“But you won’t have to get a headache.” ~ SneakyRaid
“Not the a**hole and someone needs to back those parents into a corner and explain to them that the choice of the baby’s name is NOT THEIRS TO MAKE and they can either accept that these are their grandchildren’s names or they can f**k off and live lives sans grandbabies to play with.”
“Seriously, that’s some toxic behavior from your parents and if you or your sister were ever to decide to go low/no-contact I’d totally understand.” ~ Random-widget
“NTA. Are they this shi**y about everything involving their grandkids?”
“After the first incident with your first child’s name, I’d be kinda done with them.”
“What a**holes.” ~ Mukduk_30
“NTA. There’s nothing wrong with helping keep a baby’s name secret at your sister’s request even if your parents were normal and respectful.”
“But seeing how disrespectful and bullying they are toward your sister helps solidify the fact that you’re doing the right thing here.”
“Your sister has drawn a boundary and good on you for helping enforce it.”
“I don’t know what is wrong with your parents but they seem incapable of treating either you or your sister with respect.”
“I’m sorry you have to deal with their appalling behavior.” ~ cascadia1979
“NTA… How far into the pregnancy is your sister?”
“Your family is not going to change, so to save your sister’s sanity, I would give her a fake name.”
“Then no more asking about names.”
“Baby born, introduce real name.”
“Their reaction is on them.” ~ Worth-Season3645
“Your parents sound insanely toxic and if your sister is having trouble fending them off, I would suggest she very explicitly mention that info diet and L[ow] C[ontact]/N[o] C[ontact] is on the table.”
“They have NO right to know the name in advance.”
“In fact, I would go so far as to say they have no right to an opinion on your children’s names or your sister’s child’s name, other than ‘that’s a lovely name.'”
“They are wildly out of line insinuating that you picked ‘bad’ names for your children.”
“Shut this s**t down hard and fast. NTA.” ~ ksarlathotep
“Definitely NTA.”
“Your sister and BIL have every right to keep the name to themselves, even if your family wasn’t as intrusive as they’re being.”
“They obviously have trouble respecting their (and your) decisions when it comes to your children, and they don’t realize how detrimental it could be for them if they’re hoping to have any relationship with the baby.”
“Maybe it’s time you make it clear that neither you nor your sister appreciates their behavior by showing them some consequences.” ~ vixen-in-vegas
“NTA. They have zero rights.”
“They are delusional for thinking that.”
“Don’t let them manipulate you tho think you’re in the wrong.”
“Your sister and you might think about distancing yourself from your parents until they calm down and have realistic expectations.” ~ Continentmess
“NTA, and they are being intrusive and ridiculous.”
“It’s not their right to know the chosen name or to give their opinion about the name when they do learn it.”
“THEY could learn from past experience too; this is the consequence of how badly they treated you with your children’s names.” ~ ParsimoniousSalad
“NTA – they are bullying your sister to try and make her crack.”
“Good for her for standing her ground.” ~ Visual-Lobster6625
“NTA Your family is nuts.”
“I have a wonderful, supportive family and we still didn’t tell anyone our kids’ names until after they were born.”
“We didn’t want to be locked in until we filled out the birth certificate, but there was also a little drama with a friend who thought she had the perfect name picked out.”
“We just shut her down and refused to share the name.” ~ Busy_Researcher_9660
“NTA. Only tell people the names if you want them ruined.”
“As soon as you tell someone a future child’s name they’ll say ‘Oh I know a so and so. He went to prison for murder’ or ‘Doesn’t that sound a bit like [insert medical condition]’ or ‘Oh that sounds a bit exotic. You don’t think the kids at school will have trouble saying it?'”
“They’ll probably end up being called [insert horrible rhyming name].” ~ Lollipopwalrus
“Your sister learns from your mistakes and knows exactly how the family will react if she says anything ahead of time.”
“Definitely NTA for defending her.” ~ WinEquivalent4069
“NTA. The baby name posts here reinforce that I live in a world seemingly filled with a**holes.”
“Keep sticking up for your sister.”
“Your family is full of fiends… I am sorry.” ~ LastyearhereXXVL
Well, OP, you’re sticking up for your sister and BIL.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
It sounds like your sister needs all the help she can get.
Good luck.