Couples inviting their parents over for dinner can be a pleasant experience…until it isn’t.
Reddior starvingmother and their girlfriend marked the occasion as new homeowners to have their folks over for what should have been a lovely dinner featuring cultural cuisine.
But a complaint from one of the dinner guests wound up spoiling the evening.
The Original Poster (OP) visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for ‘letting my mum starve’.”
The OP explained how they came to denying their mother of eating.
“Recently, my girlfriend and I bought and moved into our very first house together. We’re both very excited to start this chapter of our lives.”
“My girlfriend invited both her parents and my mum for a small dinner (My girlfriend, her parents, and I are both vaccinated; it was an early dinner set outside to help with everything.)”
“My girlfriend is half Korean, she told my mum beforehand that she will be serving Korean food at this dinner. My mum didn’t raise a complaint and was rather excited about dinner.”
“My girlfriend spent a lot of time and effort on the dishes. She made; cabbage soup, sesame broccoli, an eggplant and zucchini dish, shrimp pancakes, steamed tofu and a type of egg salad.”
“When my mum saw what was on the table, she was visibly confused. She asked my girlfriend, (in front of her parents) where the ‘real Korean food was’.”
“When my girlfriend told her that this was ‘real Korean food,’ she got visibly very upset and started complaining about how she expected sushi or something.”
“My girlfriend, slightly annoyed and offended, asked her to at least try the food, and my mum couldn’t even touch it.”
“I pulled my mum aside and told her that her behaviour was disrespectful, racist and that I wanted her to go. She started yelling and made a fuss about how the hosts, my girlfriend and I, are expected to treat the guests better than how my girlfriend was treating her.”
“My mum made a very huge deal of everything but finally agreed to leave my house.”
“My mum had to call a taxi, and though my girlfriend was extremely irritated with my mum – she felt a little guilty to leave her alone, hungry, while she was waiting for her ride to come.”
“My girlfriend offered to make my mum a sandwich, and my mum declined – insisting on being served, ‘real, fancy food’ at this ‘supposedly fancy dinner’.”
“My girlfriend even offered her a pack of crisps and nuts. However, my mum was refusing all of it (she ended up eating the nuts though).”
“My girlfriend gave up and left my mum alone. My mum kept insisting on being included back at the dinner despite her unwillingness to eat anything.”
“I had to practically yell at her to tell her to shut up.”
“She left and the next day I received a bunch of angry texts from my mum, my aunt, and my dad. Telling me how horrid my girlfriend and I were for letting my mum starve.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors sided with the OP.
“NTA gonna be honest here I’m struggling to understand your mother’s thought process.”
“You: Hey mom, my Korean girlfriend is going to work very hard and make a nice Korean dinner for you!”
“Your mom: sounds good I’ll be there”
“Your mom, upon arriving and seeing exactly what she was promised: shocked Pikachu face”
“Like, if I was your mother and had been expecting ‘sushi or something’ I would have been deeply embarrassed at my ignorance and said nothing and eaten whatever was put on my plate.”
“When a sufficient amount of time had passed, I could eventually own up to it under the guise of a ‘funny story.’ I have no idea why a grown-ups woman would insist on behaving so terribly.”
“Like, what was she expecting to happen??? That you would immediately toss a whole meal into the trash and call for delivery??? Wow. The rudeness. The entitlement. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.” – Scarecrowqueen
“NTA. What surprised me though is that the OP did not predict it. He knows his mother.”
“If I was inviting my ‘less cultured’ family members to a traditional dinner, I think I would have made sure they know what to expect, to spare everyone discomfort and embarrassment.”
“Their mum’s level of entitlement and emotional immaturity is astounding. Who behaves like that in front of other people, it’s so rude I’m mindblown. If that was my mum I would have been completely mortified.”
“I am however very proud of OP for having such a shiny spine to stand up for their gf. Very firm boundaries and very harsh consequenses for breaking them is the only thing that works for this level of entitlement.”
“And I wonder if this is her regular behaviour, or if this was some ugly racism rearing its head.” – Darktwistedlady
The OP confirmed:
“I’ve never really seen her like this, and yes, I was very embarrassed because of my mum’s behaviour.”
People continued expressing their shock over the mother’s ignorance.
“Especially asking for a Japanese dish (sushi), in light of the fact that Japan’s occupation of Korea (and sex slavery of Korean women) is something Koreans are, understandably, still pretty touchy about.”
“OP is definitely NTA.” – NoxDineen
“NTA. Your mom threw a temper tantrum because she was told Korean food would be served and then when it was cooked and served, instead of taking a big dose of humble pie and let herself be educated, she threw a fit.”
“Also- isn’t sushi more commonly associated with the Japanese culture?” – XxQueenOfSwordsXx
“NTA – your mother lacks manners and grace. You always accept what is offered by the hosts (barring allergies) and never criticize or demand better. That is the height of rudeness and your Mom should be apologizing to everyone.” – cautiousoptimzm
The OP expressed there was no sign of any remorse coming from their family.
“They barely respond to my messages and have refused to answer most of my calls. They aren’t budging from their judgement anytime soon.”
And when asked how the girlfriend’s parents reacted, the OP wrote:
“Pure shock. However, I am happy I managed to separate them – imagine if my girlfriend’s parents started speaking Korean in front of her and she spouted more racist bullsh*t.”
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation and appreciated them for calling out their mother.
Many of the comments also expressed the mother starving over her protestation was an overly dramatic assumption.