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Redditor Refuses To Host Husband’s Family At New House For Easter Due To Their Poor Manners

Easter table
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Redditor Poplar_Flower_4409 recently came to a tough decision with their husband — no hosting his family for holidays.

The Original Poster (OP) recently took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) to chronicle exactly why they put this very strict boundary up.

The OP’s post goes on to list the rude and inconsiderate behavior from their in-laws, along with their reaction when they explained they would no longer be hosting.

They asked Reddit:

“AITA for refusing to host any more family get-togethers at our house because I HATE hosting my in-laws and their poor manners?”

They went on to explain:

“My husband and I finally bought our first house, 5 [bed]/3 [bath] a year ago. Over the holidays, we thought we’d take on the role of hosting a few get togethers.”

“From my perspective, it was hell. I hated every second of it. I never really hosted anything or ‘entertained’ or whatever you want to call it.”

“Maybe it’s just that I’m not used to the requirements. But growing up, my mom or dad would host family and they were nothing like this. My in-laws did things like:”

  • “Let kids run around screaming/yelling, up and down stairs, touching things that didn’t belong to them, making messes and not making them clean up after themselves.”
  • “Parents didn’t bring anything for the kids to do and got pissy with us for not having anything for them.”
  • “Brought a dog into our house, let the dog on the furniture”
  • “Left chairs sticking out of tables/counters instead of pushing them in”
  • “Stomped around the house with their shoes on despite being asked to remove them”
  • “Left trash/paper plates etc sitting around or balled up instead of placing it in the trash”
  • “Opened multiple bottles/cans of drinks and only took a sip and left it open”
  • “Pulled out and used new rolls of toilet paper when there was still plenty left on the rolls”
  • “Opened medicine cabinets”
  • “Only one person asked if we needed help at any point, and it was my husband’s brother’s new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time.”“She offered to help us clean up, bring out food, etc.”

“This was a terrible experience. My husband was shocked at his family’s behavior and didn’t know what to say.”

“I don’t blame him for this at all. He was just a part of the hosting as me, but he was seeing his family through new eyes as well.”

“When he talked to his mom and dad after, they just laughed at us and said ‘That’s what hosting is.’ So, we decided together we would rather not go through all that again.”

“Easter is coming up and my in-laws asked what our plans are. My husband said that we aren’t going to host after everyone’s awful manners.”

“His mom and dad are upset with us. We have the big house, so they figured it would be on us from now on.”

“We said that the only way we would ever even consider hosting is if every member of his family pitched in some way.”

“They said that defeats the purpose of someone else hosting, and that no one should be expected to pitch in if we offer to host. So we said we won’t host.”

“Maybe I’m just not meant to host. But are we truly so far out of bounds to refuse to host anymore because of how his family behaves?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“NTA. Your house your rules. And if people are ignoring those rules, then I think it’s fair not to host.”

“I think it’s valid to not want to host for any reason, but your list is wild to me. Going through the medicine cabinet is a HUGE one, I’d be worried about a hidden addict in the family.”

“That’s who does that. Some of them are easily mitigated: pets on the furniture? Clarify no pets if you ever host again.”

“But what really gets me is the shoe thing. It’s super common in a lot of cultures not to wear shoes in the house. It’s something you should expect and respect when going to someone else’s house.”

“It’s such a baseline boundary that to disregard it is ABSURD. What are you getting out of it to ignore that rule? A petty sense of control?”

“I could deal with the chairs, and even the messes, but if people went out of their way to spite the house rules for absolutely no reason, I wouldn’t invite them back either.”

“If they can’t respect something as basic as no shoes, they don’t have an iota of respect for you or your husband.” – Bureaucratic_Dick


“‘They said that defeats the purpose of someone else hosting, and that no one should be expected to pitch in if we offer to host.'”

“GREAT…so THEY can host and you guys can attend and make a mess and leave it. PERFECT! Tell them thank you for suggesting it. :)” – Pink_lady-126

“NTA and what kind of people does he have?”

“We have family gatherings all the time and every person cooks and brings variety with consideration for dietary needs and religious beliefs…”

“…cleans after themselves and their kids, entertains, leaves pets at home and service animals as well…”

“…(severe allergy sufferers throughout the family to the point we get shots twice a week on top of daily meds), drinks are set next to a bowl of permanent markers so you can put your name on it…”

“…kids are divided by age and confined to their designated area or the fenced backyard. We are even considerate of the neighbors when hosting and parking.”

“They would never be welcomed back into my home.” – Strict-Sir8739

“I have 7 siblings and 32 nieces and nephews, ages 0-30. EVERYONE pitches in. Yes it is hectic and kids make messes, but everyone helps set up and clean up.”

“For your in-laws to expect you to host and do everything yourself is nonsense.” – Ok-Error-6564

“NTA- your in-laws sound a little out of touch. That’s not ‘just what hosting is’.”

“Sure, you’re responsible for a large part of any event you host, but any guest with any ounce of etiquette or just basic human decency would…”

“…A) behave in a civilized and respectful manner and B) at the very least offer to help with clean up, ask what they can bring, etc.”

“I’m pretty certain if you and your husband did even half of what they did to you at an event they hosted, you’d hear about it and it wouldn’t just be ‘what hosting is’.”

“Let them be upset.” – wildhoneybea

“NTA What, were they doing a ‘stress test’ to see how much you would put up with on the first go so they would know how badly the could get away with behaving from then on? It sure looks like it.”

“‘His mom and dad are upset with us. We have the big house, so they figured it would be on us from now on.'”

“‘We said that the only way we would ever even consider hosting is if every member of his family pitched in some way.'”

“I wouldn’t even do that.”

“They have already shown you that they have no respect for you or your house and think their place as guests is to do whatever they please without even basic manners or consideration.”

“They won’t even listen to direct requests such as you asking them to remove their shoes.”

“If they wanted you to host regularly they should have been good guests. Instead they tested you out to see if you were doormats. You’re not, so hosting is off the table.”

“They blew it for themselves. If you back down now it would only be telling them that they can get way with it and they can ignore any gripes you have after the fact.” – kurokomainu

“NTA. As my parents used to say ‘Were they born in a barn?’ That said, you’re being a little picayune about a few points…especially pushing chairs back in.”

“As much as I don’t like it either, I would say it’s part of entertaining to tolerate people not finishing drinks and not necessarily throwing away their plates, etc.” – WelfordNelferd

“So, definitely NTA, but the chairs bit has me saying WTF. Like…is this something that is generally expected of people?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy neatness and symmetry and all that, and my kids leave their chairs pulled out every. single. time, for the last 19 years.”

“You know what I’ve done for the last 19 years? Pushed the chairs back in when I walk by, sigh, and sometimes mutter under my breath.”

“Now, I can’t ban my children from staying in my house, but if someone had come to stay and kept leaving chairs pulled out, I wouldn’t even bat an eye.”

“At most of the other things, sure, but the CHAIRS?” – heeniewoo

“NTA but I have to ask- your husband’s parents said ‘this is what hosting is’ yet your husband was shocked at their behavior. “

“Was he as thoughtless a guest and is just surprised when he sees how it impacts his home?” – Ladyughsalot1

Sounds like a worthwhile boundary to put up.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)