Being close friends with someone doesn’t always mean sharing all the same interests.
Indeed, if the connection is there, a true friendship won’t let differences in taste and/or lifestyles get in the way.
The only thing that might affect these types of friendships is if one of these friends isn’t sensitive to the other friend’s life choices.
Such was the case for Redditor, throwawayyapples1, who recently felt the need to speak up for themself when they felt their friend was ignoring a very important factor in their life.
But after having second thoughts about how they handled the situation, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to pitch in for the bottle service?”
The OP shared that this situation all began after their friend announced her plans for her upcoming birthday party, plans the OP was less than excited about.
“My friend loves to throw big birthday parties in fancy clubs.”
“This year she wants us to go to a fancy restaurant where the average meal on the menu costs $40, and then go clubbing.”
“I low-key do not want to go, but she is very pushy about her birthday and sets the date a month in advance so that no-one can tell her they are unavailable.”
However, the OP felt it was necessary to draw the line when their friend requested they contribute to something the OP would not be partaking in.
“Anyways, she messaged me asking me to pitch in for the bottle service/table at the club.”
“I politely declined saying I do not want to pay for alcohol, because she knows very well I do not drink.”
“She got angry and implied I am cheap and missing the point – that it is not about the bottle but about the ‘experience’.”
“Frankly, I do not care for the experience either as I hate clubbing and I am literally going just to please her.”
“She is annoyed at me at the moment.”
“On the one hand, I find it unfair to pay for drinks when i do not drink, on the other, I am wondering if I am being an a**hole/cheap?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was well within her rights to refuse to pay for bottle service, and was not the a**hole in this scenario.
Just about everyone agreed it was wrong that the OP’s friend expected them to put money towards alcohol when she knew they didn’t drink, with some even questioning how good a friend she actually was.
“If you aren’t drinking, you aren’t getting anything out of the ‘experience’.”
“NTA and tbh, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend anyway.”-czechtheboxes.
“NTA, just say no and don;t go.”
“It cant be any worse than what she doing to you now.”
“Ain’t no reason to spend money on a ‘experience’ you don’t even want.”- alfredo3598.
“NTA. You don’t drink you shouldn’t have to pay for other people to.”-ruinsthepartyagain.
“She doesn’t sound like a good friend.”- JL_2112.
“You don’t drink, simple as that.”
“Also skip the club if you don’t like it.”
“You’re allowed to say no and if she’s annoyed at you, that’s her issue not respecting your decision.”-ginger-snapped-.
“By her own logic you’re missing part of the bottle service ‘experience’ by not sharing the drink, so you shouldn’t share the bill.”-ShadowDancerBrony.
“This is an age old argument.”
“For example, remember keggers?”
“Why should girls pay as much as boys because most of the males at any given kegger could drink far more than the average, smaller female.”
“I HATE evenly splitting the check.”
“I cannot eat as much as others and so I don’t buy extras.”
“I still cannot drink as much as others so it’s a loosing proposition for me there too.”
“It’s not that hard to split the check, everyone now has a calculator in their pocket as they come standard on most phones…you can figure out tax and tip easily.”
“As God as my witness I swear it is the folks looking for what ends up being essentially free dessert, starters and drinks that are the ones pushing for equal split checks and making others pay the bottling fee for someone to uncork a bottle they’ll never drink.”
“And so we argue…is the ass the one looking for freebies..or the one that doesn’t want to be taken advantage of?”
“I don’t know if we will ever settle it.”
“NTA. but then again, I am a big proponent of fairness.”-TimeSovereign.
“Why would you pay for a service you’re not enjoying?”
“Would you pay for dinner if you didn’t eat anything?”
“You’re not cheap, your friend is just a freeloader who wants other to pay for her birthday.”-DaisyF14.
“Of paying for a service you do not want nor will consume?”
“Sure that’s an experience, I guess.”
“I’m mystified how she thinks it’s appropriate to ask or why you could possibly think you might be obligated to do this.”
“She better be a helluva good friend in every other way, because I would not see myself going to this party at all and I wouldn’t care if she knew it after that conversation.”
“I don’t drink and would be extremely offended to be asked to pay for something of which I will get no benefit or enjoyment.”
“Is everyone else going to pitch in for your soda or tonic water or whatever you pick to drink?”
“No, of course not.”
“You’re going, you aren’t going to object when others drink and she needs to get over herself and move on.”-Top_Ad5114.
“NTA, what ‘experience’ does she expect you to have?”
“The experience of paying top dollar for literally nothing?”- gallowsserket.
“If you don’t drink then you shouldn’t be forced to pay for something you won’t partake in.”
“She’s being the asshole and cheap.”-4682458.
Others pointed out that the price tag was not insignificant, further justifying the OP’s right to say no.
“It is ok to say ‘no’.”
“‘No’ is a complete sentence.”
“If you don’t want to go, just say so. If it’s more money than you are willing or able to put out, say so.”-Comfortable_Tied.
“She doesn’t get to dictate to you how you spend your money.”
“Why pay for something that you won’t participate in anyway?”
“And, being honest, I get the feeling the money is a bit of an issue for you.”
“If that’s the case you can simply opt out for budgetary reasons.”
“You can opt out with that regardless… It’s your damn money.”- Demented-Alpaca.
A few felt there was an easy solution for the OP, by joining their friend for dinner, but not the club.
“You aren’t cheap, but she is if she is asking her abstaining friend to pay for bottle service.”
“The easiest fix is to tell her that you will attend the dinner, but not the club.”
“Don’t offer any further explanation; no need to justify your schedule to her or anyone else, or concoct obligations to get out of it”
“. A simple ‘Bonita, I am looking forward to joining you for dinner, but won’t be going on to the club with you’ is all that need be said.”
“If she pitches a fit, then you will know that she only wanted you there to reduce the cost for her and others, which, as noted earlier, means that she’s the cheap one.”- CandylandCanada.
“NTA – if she’s a good friend she’ll know you don’t drink and clubbing isn’t your thing.”
“Compromise and go for the meal only.”
“She sounds quite selfish and pushy…so be ready to stand your ground!”- Gubblers.
“Go to dinner skip clubbing, besides how can you ‘experience’ bottle service without drinking and experiencing being drunk.”- Nalpona_Freesun.
“You do not drink so you shouldn’t have to pay for overpriced alcohol.”
“Why don’t you explain that it’s not your scene and that you don’t want to bring down her night by not being into it and propose you two do something else to celebrate earlier in the day or another night – like lunch, brunch, etc. or just go for the dinner part.”
“She should respect your funds and your boundaries.”-TangledTwisted.
While some had rather more extreme suggestions.
“I have a great solution for you.”
“Don’t go to the party and dump her as a friend.”- baneyney07.
“Just say you don’t want to go and if she goes after you, she is letting you know she doesn’t respect your boundaries, block her.”-JCBashBash.
A few Redditors were also surprised that the OP’s friend invited others to her party with a price tag already attached.
“If you invite people to a party, you are the host.”
“The host pays.”
“You don’t invite a guest and then stick them with a bill.”- s1m0n_s3z.
It does seem that the party being exactly as she wants it is a bigger priority to the OP’s friend than spending her special day with her nearest and dearest.
One hopes she re-assesses her priorities, before more of her friendships become strained.