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Redditor Called ‘Selfish’ For Refusing To Board Dying Cat So Allegic In-Laws Can Stay For Christmas

Cat sitting in cat carrier
Liudmila Chernetska/Getty Images

Redditor BrightNet7586 is very attached to their senior pet cat.

The Original Poster (OP) and their husband are set to host Christmas this year, meaning the OP’s allergic in-laws are invited.

In the past, the OP has boarded their cat, but due to the pet’s declining health and advanced age, the OP doesn’t want to make that same decision this year.

A disagreement between the OP and their husband landed the OP on subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

They asked:

“AITA for refusing to send my old cat to boarding over the holidays because my husband’s family is allergic to cats?”

They went on to explain:

“I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years now. I’m 32 and he’s 37.”

“I have had my cat since I was in middle school, she’s now 19 and has arthritis and kidney disease. Her name is Raindrop. She’s my best friend I don’t know I I’ll live without her.”

“This will probably be my last Christmas with her, and I got her as my Christmas present in 8th grade.”

“She came in a brown paper bag with a red ribbon my mom tied, apparently she found her in the gutter. Anyways.”

“My husband wants to have his family over for Christmas. I don’t really like them that much but I don’t mind them either.”

“The issue is that his mom and sister are both really really allergic to cats. The first Christmas we were married they stayed over for two weeks, and I sent Raindrop to a cat boarding place.” “

Last year my family stayed over so it was fine.”

“This year he says it’s his family’s ‘turn’ so Raindrop will have to go to boarding again, but I said I don’t want to do that because it’s my last Christmas with her.”

“He says I’m being stupid and sentimental and his family’s feelings are more important, because Raindrop won’t mind going to boarding. She likes the people there and has stayed several times.”

“Am I really being selfish?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“Speaking as someone with a cat allergy and has been treated for it with allergy shots for years…”

“Your husband is living in a fantasy world if he thinks putting your cat in boarding is going to make the home more hospitable for his cat-allergic family.”

“Its cat dandruff dander that triggers people’s allergies and not the bodily presence of the cat. The dandruffdander is like little shards of glass.”

“It will be on hair that’s shed and just naturally fall off the body on its own. Every rug and item of furniture that the cat regularly spends time on will be saturated with the dandruffdander.”

“Every time someone walks on the rug or disturbs the furniture will cause an invisible cloud of dandruffdander to puff into the air.”

“If your home uses forced hot air or air conditioning, unless it has a grade A filter on it, it will cause every room in your home to be cat-dandruff-dander infested.”

“It would require removing the carpets, plastic covering the furniture and putting air purifiers into every room and on your furnace/AC and letting those purifiers run for several weeks…”

“…before it would be OK and even then his family may still have allergy issues.”

“NTA, your house was ‘fine’ 3 years ago because it was less infested with dandruff dander. It now has 3 years of buildup and simply putting the cat into boarding isn’t going to help.”

“ETA: you should probably do your own investigation into how to make your home hospitable for his family.”

“You may be able to super clean some rooms and put in air purifiers in those rooms and then restrict your cat to your bedroom (put a litterbox and food dish in there for it).”

“ETA2: corrected it to be dander not dandruff.” – HarveySnake

He says I’m being stupid and sentimental and his family’s feelings are more important, because Raindrop won’t mind going to boarding

“Why are his family’s feelings more important than yours? Honestly would feel SO hurt if my partner said this about my love for a pet.”

“It’s not stupid to want to spend one last Christmas with your best friend. NTA” – hammocks_


“She’s 19 and had health issues. She needs to stay with you, in a familar environment, so that she can receive appropriate food and treatment.”

“(If you haven’t already, look into the solensia injections to relieve her of her arthritis pain.)”

“She’s also your family. You don’t send family away because guests don’t want to be around someone. If his family is so allergic, they can stay at a hotel.”

“Don’t let him override you on this, op. Raindrop deserves only the best, especially if this is her last Christmas.” – griffonfarm

“‘but I said I don’t want to do that because it’s my last Christmas with her. He says I’m being stupid and sentimental and his family’s feelings are more important’”

“Whoa. That’s not okay. He’s prioritizing his family over his wife. O_O”

“His family can either take meds or stay at an AirBnb if it’s that bad but if you want kitty to be at home with you for her last Christmas, that’s what should happen.”

“You are NTA, but your husband…he most definitely is.” – IamIrene


“Your husband’s response is pretty upsetting though. If he knows and loves you, how could he not have noticed that Raindrop is a huge part of your heart?”

“How can he possibly not care about her, even if only because she’s precious to you?”

“Bottom line: this is YOUR home and Raindrop also lives there, she’s your family and she’s entirely dependant on you for love and care.”

“Your primary responsibility here is to Raindrop and her health, even above the wants of your husband…”

“…she’s extremely old and sick, whereas we can assume that he’s got other Christmases ahead of him. Do what’s best for Raindrop and don’t be guilted into this ‘who’s turns it’ BS.”

“If your husband can’t understand this then I don’t know what to tell you, but he’s showing you who he is loud and clear. I wouldn’t compromise on this, hard stop.”

“Your in-laws have several options:”

“1. they can take allergy pills”

“2. they can stay elsewhere”

“3. your husband can go see them where they live”

“You are NTA. But your husband is a massive AH.” – DogsNSnow


“Define allergic. Dandruff, hair. What?”

“Because unless you are going to deep deep clean the cat being there or not, it won’t matter. The house is contaminated already, so placing the cat in your bedroom for their visit should not matter.”

“If they were FINE 2 years ago with all the things that make a cat allergic then the cat be contained in one room won’t matter.”

“So if would tell him unless he is spending thousand of dollars having to deep clean as if you never has a cat then it won’t matter and that’s it.”

“That your feelings are just as important and if he wants yo put his family first you and said cat will either go visit your family…”

“…or he can pay for a hotel for you both as he is being unreasonable.” – tiny-pest

“NTA. Removing a cat temporarily doesn’t magic away the dander. They’re going to have allergy issues in every room the cat spent time in.”

“If it didn’t bother them that badly the first time they visited, they can probably survive the cat being kept in your room.”

“Vacuum and dust the heck out of the rooms his family will have access to. Better yet, your husband can do it.” – GloomyMarzipan

“I’m really focused on his statement that you are being ‘stupid and sentimental’. That seems like a cold statement.”

“I’m not sure if it’s because he’s pissed? or if he really doesn’t understand the connection you have to raindrop or why you would be concerned for her at her age and health.”

“Just seems a bit off and if anything he should respect your feelings.”

“I lost my Iggy (dog) a year ago Thanksgiving. I still think about and miss him all the time. I have a dog and two cats at home, but he was my Iggy.”

“So I get it. There will be other years for visits too but you won’t get this last time with Raindrop again. No you are not selfish. NTA” – VeritasB

“NTA. Their allergies are their responsibility to manage.”

“That is Raindrop’s home, and considering especially how elderly she is, plus with her condition, you don’t want to do anything to stress her out.”

“As the owner of an also elderly cat (I put up the tree just for him this year, I wasn’t feeling it, but he loves sleeping under it and I’m wondering if this may be his last Christmas)…”

“…I’m firmly in your corner. Cats this old need to be treated as the kings ( and queens) they are, and with the utmost gentleness and care for whatever time they have left.” – Little_Soft_3237

Stand firm for Raindrop, OP!

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)