Redditor squiggle-pop and their father were not really close, especially after the father ran off with another woman to start a new family.
Now with the ailing father at death’s door, any hope of salvaging their relationship was over the moment he made an unexpected request.
The Original Poster (OP) needed to know if their decision in response to the father’s dying wish was wrong.
So they visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for refusing to grant my father’s dying wish?”
The OP wrote:
“My father (59 M[ale]) and I were never really close in the early stages of my childhood. He was always ‘busy’ in work, and had never taken proper care of me.”
“All of that burden had fallen onto my mother, who did the best she could to put me through school.”
“That all soon when to sh*t due to information about an affair with another woman, who is his current wife.”
“I have very little memory of my father and I having actual conversations past the age of 12, and I could count on one hand the amount of times he visited me.”
“He has never coddled me in my life, and missed all my major life events, graduations, birthdays, and my engagement.”
“Now my father had 2 kids with his now wife, one is (15 F[emale]) and the other is (6 M[ale]).”
“I’ve met these people only a few times, and have exchanged nothing but formalities.”
“Due to prior heart complications, and the years taking a toll on him, he’s currently at his last moments.”
“I was visiting him in the hospital a week prior, and he told me he wished for me to further financially support his family, if they were to ever run into hot water.”
“I’m aware that my father had a previous gambling addiction, but I wasn’t aware how bad it was.”
“I told him in no such way was I doing that, and had previously got a job opportunity out of state, that I intended to take.”
“He got angry at me and asked me how I could do that without telling him, so he could have time to make arrangements.”
“I would be able to offer them a small sum, but I have my own family now, and can’t bother to feed 3 more stomachs.”
“I’m being made to be this terrible person by my fathers side of the family, as his kids have no choice, and that I was essentially hurting them.”
“I’ve been told that I shouldn’t do this out of spite, and that I should forgive him in his last days.”
“Yet, I can’t help it, I want things to go back to when I would just choose to ignore him.”
“I know I won’t regret it, but I need to know if I’m in the wrong.”
“WIBTA [would I be the a**hole] if I refused to be a bank account to my dying fathers other family?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
“Nta – this is utterly insane. Why can’t the wife work and support her children?”
“Your father was that in name only and has no right to make these demands on you. He neglected and mistreated you. He missed all the big moments in your life and has the audacity to expect you to provide for 3 people in spite of that?”
“NTA. His death doesn’t change his behaviour.” – RhiRhi202
“And additionally if he actually truly loved OP, he would never ask for such a thing.”
“OP, he’s basically telling you your life is still less important than his other family – and you should sacrifice for them.”
“NTA forever.” – capitalDdog
This Redditor was hoping the OP’s story was about closure and making peace.
“When I heard ‘dying wish’ I was expecting dad wanted to make amends and ask forgiveness. Nope.”
“It wasn’t about mending the relationship with his son at all, only about money.” – darthvadercake
Many people asked why the father’s side of the family wasn’t helping, and if his wife has a job.
“NTA. Yeah, does the wife work right now? Because if not, she need to start looking for a job. The youngest kid is 6 years old, are you supposed to support them until they turn 18?”
“You already have your own family to support, you will never be able to do that while supporting 3 other people.”
“Tell your father’s family that it is your father’s fault for gambling away all of his money.” – dyingstars28
This Redditor denounced the father for his vice that prevented him from properly taking care of his family.
“It really is insane. As their father he should’ve saved his money instead of gambling it out to ensure that he always has a safety net for his family.”
“And since this is a family that generally separates from OP he should know better than to ask for financial support for the family he left her for.”
“I can totally understand him trying to make amends and possibly foster a relationship between her and her siblings. I can even fathom him asking her to look out for them emotionally in life.”
“What I do not understand is how he can be so selfish to think that his family deserves to live off of her back.”
“What the absolute f’k? OP is NTA. Not at any point. She did more than most would.” – lavender-trainer
There was not much sympathy for the father.
“Just because someone is dying does not make their past bad decisions null and void, god why can’t people see that?”
“Your NTA hun, you don’t have to give them a dime.” – memesterx69
“And I’d really like to know why people think their “dying wish” needs to be magically granted and people can’t say no.” – DoctorsHouse
The Redditor jury almost unanimously declared the OP was NTA and believed they were under no obligation to financially support his wife and her kids.