There are many people who remain unconvinced that a heterosexual man and woman can remain platonic friends and nothing more.
They simply can’t believe that there isn’t some sort of romantic and sexual chemistry between them, which both of them having done their best to control all their lives.
True, in some cases, these feelings eventually turn romantic, and some of these friends become romantically involved.
Yet others have no trouble maintaining a platonic friendship, with no sexual chemistry.
Such was the case with the husband of Redditor Corners113, who remained close with his, female childhood best friend his entire life.
Even so, when this friend recently paid a visit, the original poster (OP) did not feel comfortable discovering her talking with her husband alone, behind closed doors, and wasn’t afraid to say so.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to leave the room when my husband told me to?”
The OP explained why she became a bit uneasy when her husband’s female best friend visited him in need of a shoulder to cry on.
“My husband’s best friend, female, got the news of her dog’s cancer days ago.”
“My husband would call her everyday til yesterday when she visited.”
“I opened the door for her, greeted her then led her to the living room and went into the kitchen to get a class of water after my husband asked me.”
“I came back and didn’t find them in the living room.”
“Turns out they went into the guests room and the door was shut.”
“I heard weeping/sobbing sounds coming from the inside.”
“I knocked then got in and found them embracing each other crying.”
“I stood by the door but my husband paused and told me to give them a moment.”
“I gotta say that I did not feel comfortable with his request so I remained standing.”
“He got up and started repeatedly telling me to get out.”
“I told him it’s my house and he can’t tell me where I can and cannot stay.”
“He got angry and told me to get out and we’ll talk later but I refused.”
“He asked what was wrong with me for not seeing how tense the situation was and for not giving them privacy.”
“I told him that they did NOT need to shut the door for any reason no matter what it was.”
“We argued and she ended up leaving.”
“He blew up at me afterwards calling me unbelievable and saying I had no respect for him and his friend who’s going through a hard time and refusing to give them privacy.”
“I told him how weird it was for them to shut the door just because they were crying.”
“He told me that I was petty and overbearing to act like this in front of her and stopping him from showing proper support.”
“Now he’s completely gone radio silent and is acting like I kicked her out or treated her poorly.”
“1: Ages of those involved are 26Female, 28Female, and 31Male.”
“2: She’s been his best friend/sister like for over 8+ years.”
“3: She tends to be very emotional and highly sensitive.”
“4: We don’t get along because she tends to be a boundary stomper and does/says things that make me feel like I don’t know my husband as much as she does.”
“She also compares us as well.”
“5: Initially, I did not want her to come to the house but my husband called her and told her to come since he didn’t see her after the news was received til yesterday.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being uncomfortable with her husband comforting his female friend behind closed doors.
Everyone agreed that the OP had. every right to be suspicious and there was no reason that her husband had to comfort her privately.
“So I am the other woman in this scenario.”
“My best friend is a guy and I actually introduced him to his wife, met her at a bar and was like omg I have a friend you would love, I was right.”
“I stood up at their wedding on his side as a groomsmaid.”
“We are pretty close.”
“My guy friend and I also haven’t always had a platonic relationship, all parties are aware so it’s not weird or awkward, we just communicate and are adults.”
“Just trying to set the stage of my relationship as a comparison because I really feel like I could be a wife’s worst nightmare if I approached this differently.”
“Speaking from the other side of this relationship I had to dramatically step back from my friend to let his wife feel comfortable with our friendship and shifted the focus of my friendship from him to the both of them.”
“I treat them as a unit, go out of my way to reach out to his wife directly and we have nurtured a great friendship as a result.”
“I love her just as much as I love him and we all have a great time when we are together.”
“But I am absolutely not excluding her, especially not in her own home.”
“I think your husband and his friend are out of line.”
“Marriage changes dynamics of friendships and if one person, you, is not comfortable then the current dynamic isn’t working and needs to change.”
“Your husband’s priority is and should always be you, his friend should support him in that.”
“So your feelings are absolutely valid and I hope your husband respects you enough to realize that things need to change.”- bluepanda8
‘Ladies and Gentlemen.”
“If you have a wife/husband.’
‘DO Not go into a room that only both you and opposite sex.”
“Especially if they’re not your spouse.”
“Regardless if you’re close.”
“Respect your spouse.”- WhateverUrReason
“I love my dogs more than nearly anything and my (30 F) best mate of 10 years is 30 male.”
‘I know his partner, we aren’t ‘friends” but we’re cordial’.”
“I would NEVER think this was appropriate in the slightest and even the concept of shutting myself away in a bedroom with him is so rude and disrespectful and intimidate that it grosses me out.”
“This behaviour is not ok in the slightest.”- caution_cat
“Context #4 is the real issue here, not this one situation.”
“The bff obviously doesnt respect you and neither does your husband if he lets his bff act like that.”-woolcorset
“No matter how sad I was, I would not go to my friend’s house, and cry on his shoulder in a private room while shutting his wife out.”
“I don’t think you were wrong for feeling weird OP.”
“Your husband can continue to be a good friend, but it doesn’t have to be at your expense.”
“NTA and this may be downvoted but honestly your husband is sus.”- MoonGladeLadyBug
“wWomen’s instincts, listen to that gut feeling, something was clearly not right about the whole situation.”
‘And my personal opinion ‘female friends’ always seem to try to cross boundaries.”
“I will never understand nor will I put up with it.”
“Sorry OP that this is a thing.”- Head_Base_859
“Supporting a friend is fine.”
“He did that every day when he called her.”
‘That ‘friend’ boundary got demolished when she showed up at your house wanting to cry in his arms, in private, so they could have that private intimate moment of him consoling her as she wept in his arms.”
“That is more than him ‘being her friend supporting her’.”
“He could have done that in the living room and you could have been involved in that support.”
“IF she was just a friend and he was being just a friend supporting her.”
‘Supporting a friend, consoling them, doesn’t require privacy or intimacy.”- valeran46
“I definitely say NTA.”
“All these people saying YTA are making some wild reaches.”
“’They aren’t going to screw while you’re there/she’s this upset’ well duh?”
“This a symptom of an underlying issue.”
“If she’s already a boundary stomper, compares you, and your husband also stomps your boundaries, ie- has her over when you’ve said no, then you aren’t TA for being uncomfortable even with her being there anyway!”
“Yes, he is technically within his right to have her over, to do all of this, but just because he can doesn’t mean he should.”
“Also, if you told him why you were uncomfortable, and he blew up at you instead of having a discussion?”
“Major red flag.”
“There’s no reason for them to distract you and move that way.”
“It’s all just so weird.”
“The once crying opposite sex best friend, who later became the girlfriend.”- karidru
Sometimes, we have to stop and think of how something might look in the eyes of another.
The OP’s husband failed to understand how she could get so angry when his friend was clearly hurting.
Yet he didn’t stop and think about how it looked to his wife to be comforting his female friend, who has never been particularly fond of the OP, behind a closed door.
Hopefully, with a little reflection, he might realize how his behavior looked to the OP, and offer her the apology she deserved.
And perhaps put some thought into things that might need changing with this female friend.