One always does their best to support their family in their respective careers.
Especially when family members start their own businesses from the ground up.
But how much support is necessary in these circumstances?
Redditor Patient-One3281 found themselves in a sticky situation when their sister wanted to use their wedding as an opportunity to start and promote her own business.
But despite being supportive of their sister’s endeavors, they ultimately passed on the offer, which their sister did not take well.
Concerned they didn’t handle the situation as well as they could have, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my sister cater my wedding?”
The OP first shared how they hit a roadblock while wedding planning, which their sister claimed to have the perfect solution to.
“I’m getting married in a couple months and have pretty much everything planned.”
“We had a slight curveball when a caterer who was going to do our wedding had to back out due to some personal reasons.”
“This came up in conversation with my parents and they told my sister, who graduates from culinary school this May.”
“My sister ,”Meg” , told me how her dream is to run her own catering company.”
“She has worked for one for 3 years and has a lot of friends in the industry.”
“She even has plans to open her own with her classmate/friend when they graduate.”
“So Meg called me yesterday super excited telling me how I’m in luck because she can cater the wedding now.”
“She told me how her company is going to let her use their infrastructure, for a small fee, and let her run the show.”
However, Meg was in for some disappointment when she learned the OP had different plans when it came to the food they would serve at their wedding.
“Once she calmed down I told her ‘Meg appreciate your enthusiasm but we’re going to go another direction’.”
“My fiancee and I loved the idea of having Mexican cuisine, stuff like tacos, quesadillas, nachos etc.”
“It started as a joke but when our fancy caterer fell through we decided its a sign and should just do it.”
“We’ve spoken to a couple vendors around us and have gotten offers to do it for 1/3 of the cost of our original vendor.”
“Meg was not happy.”
“She was showing me how she has all the training needed and can do the exact same meals that our original vendor had and was willing to do it at cost, so cheaper than what we originally budgeted, but still more than our taco bar/quesadilla plan.”
“I told her sorry its not about the cost, we want a Taco bar instead and are pumped for it.”
“She now accuses me of not supporting her and thinking we think she ‘cant do better than some cheap Taco bell’.”
“We are not having Taco Bell cater our wedding.”
“My mom called me this morning and is upset I’m not letting Meg do this too.”
“For me it’s 2 things.”
1) I don’t want my wedding to be a proof of concept for Meg.”
“2) I want a taco/quesadilla/nacho bar at my wedding more than I want to ‘support Meg’.
“Is that really so bad?”
“This all just happened, I shared with my friends in a group chat and while they are pumped for my idea, they are split on whether Im being kind of an AH to Meg.”
The OP clarified some elements which factored into their decision.
“No Meg can not cater Mexican food.”
“She has no experience with it and we want Mexican food.”
“Not a white woman’s version of it when we have so many great authentic Mexican places in town.”
“Everything else is already fully set in stone.”
“The rehearsal dinner is all planned.”
“Its at a restaurant that will be providing the food.”
“We can not cater additional food per our contract.”
“We are also not going to give up our deposit on this.”
“We are not creating new events, I.E. post wedding brunch, for our wedding planning that has already been exhausting just to give her something to cater.”
“We do not want a little of this and a little of that at our wedding.”
“We want to go all in on our theme.”
“There will be dairy free and vegetarian Mexican options for those who desire/need that.”
“No we are not a toxic family and Meg is not trying to hijack my wedding.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP in their decision not to let Meg cater the wedding, agreeing they were not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed it was the OP’s special day, and they shouldn’t feel obligated to appease Meg or anyone else.
“I’ve been to a wedding that served Mexican cuisine and let me tell you, it was so bomb!”
“I think your idea is super fun and you should definitely go for it.”
“Meg needs to realize that not everything revolves around her and you aren’t going with the taco vendor because you don’t believe in her but because you want tacos!”- PurePark5931.
“I went to a fancy wedding in Monterey, CA 5 or 6 years ago and all my friends and I keep talking about was the churros from the Mexican Food Truck that they had at the REHEARSAL dinner.”
“Can’t even tell you what the food at the actual wedding was.”- Pandamania11.
“NTA, plus TACOS!”- Early_Arm_9306.
“Your parents had no business getting her hopes up and she sure AF had no business assuming you wanted her to cater.”
“Not TA for changing the food. Not TA for not wanting to be her test run, if things go sideways its all on her, NOT the company.”
“Also as someone leaning that way as well – Viva la Taco Bar”- PommeDeSang.
Some felt that it was too big a risk to have Meg catering the wedding as her first major job, and feeling it would not be wise to hire family.
“A wedding is definitely not the place and time for any type of beginner business to do their first real gig.”
“Even if meg and her friends are amazing chefs, it’s just better to have seasoned professionals handle big events like that.”-bananaleafkid.
“For one thing, it is always a bad idea to go into a business deal with family members, especially with a once-in-a-lifetime event.”
“Second, Meg is not offering what you want.”
“Third, Meg, by losing her temper, shows she doesn’t have the professional attitude to do this job.”
“You might hire Meg for another event, but if things go south at the wedding, it would make for some awkward family gatherings later, not that they won’t be now.”
“Besides, I’m surprised that she’s not in the wedding party.”- ChapSteve711.
“It’s your wedding so you should get what you want and NOTHING good ever comes from involving family in something like this.”
“Disaster waiting to happen.”
“She’s already shown that she is not mature enough to do this given her reaction to you telling her that you’ve decided to go in another direction.”-SatelliteBeach123.
“‘Mom, either Meg is a professional, in which case her mommy shouldn’t be asking for favors, or she’s not a professional yet, in which case, I’m not going to entrust my once-in-a-lifetime event to a non-professional’.”
“‘The subject is closed, and anything further you have to say about it will just be further proof that she is not mature or professional enough to cater a wedding’.”
“‘Meg, I love you, and I want you to participate in my wedding’.”
“‘I absolutely do not want to be your guinea pig, and have your attention be split on a day that is really important to me’.”
“And honestly, your hard sell tactics and insults to my plan are making it that I couldn’t consider recommending you as a caterer for anyone else either’.”
“If you can’t respect your customers’ decisions, then you aren’t ready to be a professional’.”-DinaFelice.
Others were surprised that Meg would rather be working at the OP’s wedding, rather than attending and witnessing it.
“NTA. you’ve got a vision, follow it.”
“Besides, how can you sister attend/be part of your wedding if she’s spending the entire day working on the catering?”
“I would think it would be more important for her to be physically, emotionally, and mentally present at your wedding.”- DisneyBuckeye.
“It’s also as simple as this:
“‘Meg, you’re my sister and I love you’.”
“I want you at the wedding with me, not working’.”
“It won’t be the same if you have to be there to cater’.”
“But, you can cater X future event for us?'”-Kari-kateora.
“Tell Meg that you’d also like to have her at your wedding, and her running the catering means that she will miss the reception and likely the wedding as well.”
“Also, can I get an invite, I want tacos and nachos!”-AGuyAndHisCat.
‘For one thing, do you really want your sister backstage at your wedding when she should be there to actually partake and have fun?”
“This is not the right type of event for her to use as her launching point.”- fckinfast4.
It might not have dawned on Meg that by catering the wedding, she would effectively miss it.
Here’s hoping that seeing the OP marrying the love on their special day will make relieved that she didn’t’ cater the wedding, and save her first catering job for a different occasion.