When we receive a wedding invitation in the mail, there’s a feeling of excitement for our loved ones and for the planning we need to do to attend the event.
But the general rule with the wedding invitation is that it should mirror what the bride and groom expect of the attendees, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Sad_Ad_5082 was surprised when he and his family received a wedding invitation from his sister, only for her to put limitations on the invitation at a later date.
When the bride became angry after he refused to attend based on the new conditions, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he should have figured out other arrangements.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for deciding not to go to my sister’s wedding after she asked my wife to stay home so that our kids don’t take attention away from her?”
The OP was surprised by what his sister said about her wedding.
“My wife and I have two sons, a two-year-old and a four-month-old.”
“Next week, my sister is going to get married to her fiancé, and obviously, everybody is very happy.”
“Everything was going as planned until a few days ago, my sister called me and asked if my wife could stay home with our sons.”
“She said our kids are the youngest in the family and would take the attention away from her.”
The OP wasn’t comfortable with the new plans.
“I really didn’t like the idea of leaving my wife behind with a toddler and a baby while I travel two days to the wedding venue and stay however long there.”
“I love my sister very much, but it just wasn’t feasible, and my wife and I decided that we would both just stay home.”
The bride was furious.
“Unfortunately, my sister is now mad at me and won’t take my calls.”
“She thinks that I’m being selfish and that I am a massive jerk for not attending her one and only wedding.”
“I really don’t know what to think. I understand why she’s upset, but I don’t think I’m the a**hole.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the bride should have been more upfront about her wishes.
“Seriously, the bride first extended an invitation for both her brother and his family to attend.”
“Did she think she could just burn the wife’s invitation and the husband would just attend on his own and leave his family behind?” – Simple_Board_4952
“She especially shouldn’t have done this on such short notice. Telling them upon invitation that kids aren’t allowed is fine, they would have time to organize care.”
“Specifically requesting that his wife stay behind with the kids days/weeks before the wedding? Seems like the bride doesn’t like the wife for some reason, and it isn’t really about the kids.” – anappleaday_2022
“NTA. This is ridiculous. She asks your wife to stay home and then is p**sed when your wife agrees and you stay home with? C’mon. Have a great nuptials, sis, here’s a toaster oven.” – bassjosh
“You can’t make it a child-free event the week before the wedding!! People need notice. Maybe with appropriate notice, her mum might have been able to travel there too and stay with the kids in the hotel during the festivities, and OP’s wife could’ve popped in and out during the day.”
“We had a child-free wedding. This was communicated on the save the dates and also the invitations.” – EmmaPemmaPoohBear
“NTA. Your sister is the biggest AH for actually not wanting *your* kids there because they ‘would take the attention away from her’ and waiting until just one week before the wedding to tell you.”
“I can understand not wanting kids that young at a wedding in general (and I would agree with that) but that doesn’t seem to be her issue. Why didn’t she discuss this with you before now?” – Grounded55
“NTA. She can’t ask your wife to stay home and then expect you to come solo. She should have thought about this when sending invitations, not a few days before her nuptials; the fact she is singling out your children is deplorable.”
“She’s upset that she’s going to get flack from other family members when they find out WHY you elected not to go to your sister’s wedding.” – fewentrepreneur383
Others agreed with the OP that the situation wasn’t realistic.
“He has to travel to the wedding so it’s not like they could hire a sitter for the day while they go.”
“It’s nowhere near where OP lives and so it isn’t fair to ask only him to abandon his family for days just for a wedding.”
“He picked which family is more important to him and that’s his right.” – EmployerDouble
“And Bridezilla here uninvited OP’s wife and children on one week’s notice – presumably after they were all invited and looked forward to coming for 6 months or so.”
“I’d have been, like, ‘Oh, sorry, you feel small children can outshine you at your own wedding so easily. Lucky we all booked refundable travel arrangements. Have fun, tell my extended family I said hi. Maybe my family and I can see you sometime later this year…’ and hungup so fast, her head would have spun.” – f02f2e6fa0b3
“Even if they did have someone they could trust with a 4-month-old, a week’s notice is really not feasible for many people. Especially when it’s 2 days worth of travel, wedding, travel back.” – DeviousCheesecake
“My husband and I attended the wedding of his cousin. Our twins were just a couple of months old, and it was the first time many of the extended family had seen them.”
“Was there a lot of oohing and aahing? Of course, there was, but somehow we all still got on with celebrating the wedding.”
“And the bride and groom were still the focus.” – regus0307
“NTA. Not at all. One week’s notice isn’t ok. Uninviting your wife isn’t ok.”
“She has a right to have a child-free wedding, but she should have let you know when she invited you. It would be great if she included her nephews but they are both at challenging ages so it would have been understandable, but the way she did it is horrible.” – MidniteProph
“OP is NTA but the sister is along with being a bridezilla.”
“And with sis’ behavior, this might not be ‘her one and only wedding.'”
“Very rude to ask this 1 week before the wedding. Guessing travel arrangements had already been made, which now need to be canceled. Hope you’re not out any money.”
“And she is delusional to think that people are going to be fawning all over her and shining a spotlight on her the entire time. She needs to grow up!”
“OP, now you and your family can enjoy some quiet time at home (if there is such a thing with a newborn and a toddler).” – Ducky818
A few pointed out a babysitter would have been out of the question.
“The baby is FOUR MONTHS old! That’s not an appropriate age to give your child to a sitter for that long.”
“Also: NTA, I don’t get brides who are scared of something or someone stealing the attention. It’s literally her wedding and she acts like all the guests would just come to see your kids.” – eatanappel
“I’m sure you wouldn’t leave a 4-month-old with a stranger for like a week, right? Because he said, ‘travel 2 days to the wedding venue and spend however long there,’ which means they’re going to be away 5+ days.” – niv727
“I’m all for childfree weddings and usually, this subreddit has a lot of entitled parents complaining about it, and your title kind of made it sound like it would be one of those posts, but it isn’t.”
“Your sister is the entitled one for expecting your wife to stay home with very young children, so that you can go to a wedding and leave her alone for days, despite the fact that other older children are allowed.”
“This also isn’t a case of her not wanting children because there’s a lot of alcohol etc. She straight up told you it was because she wants all the attention on her.”
“Absolutely NTA, you will not be TA for not attending, either. She can’t pick and choose which children are allowed, all children are allowed or none are, otherwise, that’s just completely unfair.”
“Plus at 4 months old, your son is still an infant and needs regular feeding and bonding time with both parents as often as possible” – Corpsegoth
Though the subReddit could get behind the idea of a childfree wedding, they agreed there was a reasonable time in which to propose that arrangement, and a week before the wedding was not it.
Parents need time to plan and make arrangements for their kids to be taken care of while they attend an event, especially if there are two days of travel time alone.