It’s always an awkward feeling to run into an ex-partner, whether the break up was acrimonious or amicable.
As even the site of them is bound to bring up emotions and unresolved feelings.
In some cases, it’s easy to avoid certain places you know you stand a likely chance of running into your ex at.
Other times, however, that unfortunate possibility is all but unavoidable.
Redditor EmergencyActivity112 had recently gone through a fairly fraught break up.
Making matters worse, the original poster (OP) ran into their ex at a place they both frequented.
Unhappy with this reunion, the OP’s ex demanded he stop going there, claiming his being there made her “uncomfortable”.
Even so, the OP ignored this demand.
Concerned he may have been wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subRedit “Am I The A**Hole Here” (AITH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for refusing to quit my gym membership because my ex is uncomfortable seeing me there?”
The OP explained why he would intended to continue to use his gym despite an unfortunate risk factor:
“Me (29 M[ale]) and my ex-gf (40 F[emale]) broke up about a week ago.”
“It was honestly pretty messy with a lot of cursing/personal insults from both of us.”
“Her last text to me was ‘don’t ever contact me again’ and I’ve respected her wish.”
“Unfortunately, we go to the same gym.”
“When we broke up, I gave it a few days before I started going again, to let the dust settle.”
“I even changed my schedule and started going at 7pm instead of 6pm, figuring at worst she’d almost be done with her workout and there’d be minimal to zero chance of us having to see each other.”
“Last night, we ran into each other as I was coming in and she was leaving.”
“I didn’t say a word or try to make any eye contact but she said, ‘umm what are you doing here?’”
“I thought about just ignoring her but ended up replying, ‘just going in for a workout?’”
“To which she replied, ‘I’m very uncomfortable seeing you here, can you find another gym?’”
“I said ‘no, this is my gym too, I have every right to be here and I don’t care if you’re uncomfortable’.”
“Probably shouldn’t have said the last part in hindsight, but honestly, I didn’t care in the moment how she felt, and I was amazed she’d even try and ask something like this.”
“Of course, then it escalated to ‘you’re piece of sh*T, you’re just trying to force yourself back into my life, you never cared about me or my feelings anyway’ etc etc.”
“I let her go on for a few more seconds before I’d had enough and went in for my workout.”
“I told my friend about the interaction later, and she said I should just go to another gym ‘to keep the peace,’ which I think is completely unfair and something that I shouldn’t have to do.”
“…our gym isn’t a franchise gym, it’s attached to a resort, so there is literally only one location.”
“It’s not even like I can just go to one at a different location.”
“It’s very nice and has a ton of amenities that I’m not willing to give up just for her.”
“So, AITAH here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to continue going to his gym.
Everyone thought that the OP’s ex had no right whatsoever to keep a hold on the gym, though a few encouraged the OP to alert gym management of the situation, feeling his ex might find alternative methods to stop him from going to that gym:
“NTA.”
“If she is uncomfortable, she can go to another gym.”- destro23
“Yeah, I guess during the breakup settlement, ex gf got sole possession of the gym?”
“That ‘keep the peace’ crap is another way to describe allowing an entitled person to manipulate your behavior.”
“What you SHOULD do, to ‘keep the peace’ is to totally ignore her.”
“No eye contact, blank stare, and no comments.”- barryburgh
“‘You’re just trying to force yourself back into my life’.”
“Um, you’re the one who won’t leave or stop talking with me.”
“By all means, go!”- XxLuminairexX
“NTA, she doesn’t own the gym.”- Outside-Yak217
“I would warn the gym manager that she harassed you before she tells them a different story, and in the meantime, you need to be the ultimate professional gentleman, please and thank yous.”
“Make it clear you are giving her room and don’t approach her at the gym, and if she approaches you, be polite but cold and try to end it.”
“’I think we should just keep things civil and go about our workout’.”
“Nothing more, do not engage and let her drag you down with her.”
“She sounds volatile so she will probably lose it soon enough, your goal is to look like the sane innocent party.”
“But after your name is cleared and she gets kicked out… do not date anyone at your gym.”
“And I know a bunch of people will say ‘well they have cameras’.”
“Corporations don’t work like they do in the movies and show camera footage for everything.”
“I have a hotel and corporate background and was a district manager for a billion-dollar company, and we were never just allowed to look at footage; if we needed something, we had to get corporate security involved, and they would get the lawyers.”
“And resorts and hotels have all sorts of liability and privacy laws.”
“So never just assume, well, they have cameras, they will back me up and defend me.”
“You need to always protect yourself, so maybe start recording when she approaches.”- Weekly_Village3628
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t change either.”
“She’s the one uncomfortable- she can change.”
“I wouldn’t have even changed my schedule.”- Proud-Geek1019
“NTAH.”
“Just ignore her completely and stick to your normal schedule.”- Ok_Childhood_9774
“You need to speak to the management and warn them that you’re being harassed by an ex.”
“NTA.”- zbornakingthestone
“NTA.”
“You changed the time.”
“But 7:15 might be better.”
“And next time just walk on by and don’t engage.”- Certain_Candidate248
“This is not your issue.”
“It’s hers.”
“Personally, I would not even make eye contact with her, let alone engage in any conversation going forward.”
“She’s likely to try and ‘build a case’ how YOU are doing something to ‘fear for her safety’ or some craziness like that.”
“She can only do that if you engage her in any way.”- JCannaday3
“She’ll definitely tell the gym and most likely exaggerate the interaction.”- i812manyhitsss
“If uncomfortable, she should find another Gym.”- OTTERMAN658585
“What are the details of your messy breakup?”
“I would warn the gym manager that she harassed you.”
“STOP talking to her in the gym.”
“If she confronts you, start recording.”
“These situations turn into a ‘he said she said’ and it can quickly turn into you being banned from the gym.”
“Have you considered getting a restraining order?”- OddZebra67
“Don’t engage. Ignore her.”
“If she comes up to you, say nothing, just stare at her or walk away.”
“In the end, she will be the one getting in trouble if she misbehaves.”
“NTAH.”- Narrow-Guava1647
“NTA.”
“But you should talk to management and get ahead of her going to them.”- tictacotictaco
“You’re not the a**hole for going to the gym you already belonged to.”
“You respected her request for no contact, you changed your schedule to avoid her, and you didn’t approach her.”
“Running into each other was unavoidable, and her asking you to switch gyms is unreasonable; breakups don’t entitle someone to control public spaces.”
“Where you slipped a little was the ‘I don’t care if you’re uncomfortable’ comment, but that was in reaction to her making demands she had no right to make.”
“Her escalating into insults again shows she’s still operating from a very emotional place, and it has nothing to do with you violating a boundary.”
“You have the right to continue using your gym.”
“Avoiding her when possible is already a compromise.”
“Changing your entire life to ‘keep the peace’ for someone who ended things badly and told you to never contact her again is not your responsibility.”- Plenty_Wedding_1700
It’s pretty obvious that neither the OP nor his ex was happy to see each other at the gym.
However, it also seems pretty clear that if it wasn’t the gym, the OP’s ex would also probably tell him to stop going ANYWHERE they might run into each other.
A huge part of moving on is letting go.
And if the OP’s ex can learn to accept that she will see him at the gym from time to time, but never have to interact with him, then hopefully she will find the courage to move on as well.