Being part of a wedding party can be something of a mixed blessing.
As you are not simply a guest at the wedding, but will instead have duties and responsibilities.
Even so, people are more often than not touched to be part of a wedding party, as it’s a sign of how much they mean to the happy couple.
With this in mind, many people tend to be hurt when a friend gets married and they are not included in the bridal party.
A recent Redditor had asked her best friend to be her maid of honor (MOH).
Unfortunately, this friend had to decline the offer, owing to her health.
Luckily, this same friend made a full recovery in time for the wedding.
Only to discover that the original poster (OP) had finalized her wedding party, which didn’t include her.
Having some doubts about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not allowing my ex-maid of honor be a bridesmaid?”
The OP explained why she found herself in hot water with her best friend:
“Quick Backstory: My fiancé (33 M[ale]) and I (29 F[emale]) are getting married in Sept 26’.”
“Our friends [fake names] Stan (34 M) and Zoe (33 F) just got married May 25’.”
“We asked Stan and Zoe to be our BM and MOH, they both said yes.”
“In June my MOH calls and says she cant be my MOH anymore due to some health issues.”
“Also she has to avoid stress, and isn’t sure if she’d be able to handle the wedding planning and her own medical bills.”
“I tell her that if she still wants to be included or be a bridesmaid to keep me posted.”
“Aug. 7th I ask my sister to be my new MOH.”
“The end of Aug, I check in with Zoe.”
“She responds with “–the procedure went well I am still waiting on the official results, but the nurse said things looked good, so I am optimistic.”
“I heard nothing after that and got my last brides maid in Sept.”
“November 4th Stan and Zoe reach out asking if Zoe is a bridesmaid?”
“I said ‘I already have my Bridal Party’.”
“We wanted you to take a break for your health.”
“‘You’re more than invited to all the events, so you can just have fun and don’t have to worry about planning’.”
“Zoe’s response ‘While I appreciate you considering my health I’m extremely hurt that you couldn’t just text me’.”
“‘I don’t even know how to process our relationship’.”
“‘I would have never done this to you’.”
“My fiancé says the four of us need to meet up to discuss this.”
“We wanted to talk in person.”
“Stan argues that they want to talk over the phone.”
“We live in the same neighborhood and past their house every morning to take our dog on a walk.”
“Finally Stan responds by saying ‘- – you don’t see just how hurt Zoe and I are by all of this’.”
“‘We have decided to cut ties with both of you’.”
“We have not spoken since.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for not allowing Zoe to be one of her bridesmaids.
Everyone agreed that, beyond not including Zoe in her bridal party, the OP came off as a pretty bad friend for not checking in with Zoe as she was recovering from what seemed to be a fairly significant medical procedure:
“Your best friend, best friend is suffering medical issues, and you text her twice over the course of several months?”
“That’s it?”
“That’s all you do?”
“You walk by her house every day and you don’t stop by and drop off a snack?”
“Give a quick hug?”
“Nothing?”
“This is your ‘best friend’?”
“I don’t care about your wedding.”
“You suck”
“YTA.”- Prior_Lobster_5240
“I find it very strange you didn’t speak to your friend for months.”
“Especially considering you knew she was having serious health issues.”
“YTA for that alone.”- TheDrunkScientist
“YTA.”
“You walk past their house every morning, and you aren’t checking in with your best friend who has health issues?”
“Do you even like her?”- Fullback70
“YTA.”
“This was your former MOH.”
“Your bestie and you didn’t text her about it at all.”
“She was the one having health issues and you just didn’t talk to her at all about it or about the wedding at all.”
“Your bestie.”- SoccerProblem3547
“YTA.”
“Since you told Zoe she could still be a bridesmaid, you definitely owed it to her to check before giving your last bridesmaid spot to someone else.”
“Especially since Stan was still the Best Man.”
“It’s to be expected that if he is in the wedding party, then she would want to be a bridesmaid unless her health prevented it.”
“It is perfectly understandable that Stan doesn’t want to be the Best Man if you’re going to treat Zoe so badly.”
“Now you’ve blown up the whole thing.”
“Yes, she should have ‘kept you posted’ better, but c’mon, it would not have been difficult to text her.”- 1962Michael
“No, she flipped out because you checked on her exactly once in four months while she was being treated for a serious medical issue.”
“You don’t care about anything but your wedding.”
“If your friend – a friend who is close enough to you that you asked her to be your maid of honor – tells you that she is so sick that she has to back out of your wedding, the ONLY appropriate answer from you is, ‘oh my god, I’m so sorry. Are you OK? What do you need? How can I help?’”
“Unless she has explicitly asked for space and privacy, you should have been checking in on her.”
“Supporting her.”
“Yes.”
“Your wedding is important.”
“But so is her health.”
“YTA.”
“Jesus.”- IWasGoatbeardFirst
“Um… she’s important enough to be MOH but you didn’t check in on her after she mentioned poor health and waited for her to update you so you could plead your wedding… do I have that right?”
“If so, YTA.”- msbeesy
“YTA.”
“In June, she told you that she was having health problems.”
“Did you really not check in on your best friends and neighbors between then and the end of August to see how her procedure went?”
“From what you’ve written, you were only concerned about your bridal party and not your friend.”
“A wedding is one day, a friendship should be forever.”
“Get right about this before you lose more friends.”- PotentialPassenger
“YTA.”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t circle back before you set on the bridal party.”
“You knew she was getting better and she only told you she couldn’t help you plan, so… why didn’t you give her a call?”
“It feels like you didn’t care enough to ask her how she was doing.”
“Or that you are punishing her for going back on being a MOH.”
“Something is amiss in this story.”- LatinCanandian
“YTA.”
“A few months ago you told her you wanted her in your wedding.”
“When she told you about her health issues, you told her she just had to let you know if she would be up for it.”
“Now she has signaled she is up for it and you are just under a year from the wedding with plenty of time to make adjustments, but now you no longer want her in the wedding because you’ve already replaced her.”
“You won’t even communicate with her in the way she’s comfortable with because your husband wants to talk in person so you just threw away two friendships with people close enough to be your best man and maid of honor.”- HauntedBitsandBobs
“YTA.”
“This is someone who is your closest friend, someone you wanted to be your maid of honor.”
“Did you check on any time on your friend who was having health concerns between June and August?”
“Did you reach out between August and November?”
“Wedding aside, you are being a sh*tty friend.”
“And you told her to keep you posted.”
“She did, and now she can’t be involved because she passed some artificial deadline you never communicated to her.”
“This is supposedly your best friend, and you never thought to check in?”
“Or follow up?”
“Yeah, I’m not surprised she ended the friendship.”- sraydenk
The OP told Zoe to let her know if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid.
True, Zoe didn’t get back to her.
However, Zoe was recovering from a major operation, and as such, the OP could have checked in and then checked herself if she was able and interested to be a bridesmaid.
Seeing as the OP did neither of those things, it’s easy to see why Zoe doesn’t find her friendship with the OP to be one worth fighting for.