A Redditor is having a difficult time trying to celebrate her sister’s nuptials.
She was asked a specific request and was perfectly fine following through given that they’re siblings.
However, all it took was a certain comment from the bride-to-be that made things go south and now she’s dealing with guilt from the ensuing fallout.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
So what happened?
Redditor Low-Solution2660 presented the drama by asking:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my sister’s wedding dress after she made fun of my body?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So, I (21 F[female]) have always had a bit of a rocky relationship with my older sister (26 F[female]). We’re pretty different in a lot of ways—she’s always been super into fashion and makeup, while I’m more laid-back and focus on school and work.”
“Despite our differences, I thought we were at least civil, until recently.”
The OP continued:
“My sister is getting married next year, and she’s been really excited about finding the perfect wedding dress. Since she’s trying to save money for other wedding costs, she asked if I’d help pay for her dress as a ‘sisterly gesture.’ ”
“I recently got a decent-paying job and was willing to help her out, even though I thought it was a weird request.”
“Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We were at a family gathering, and I was wearing this dress I felt good in, but I’m not a size 2. Out of nowhere, my sister made a snarky comment in front of everyone about how ‘brave’ I was for wearing something so ‘tight.’ I was embarrassed, but I didn’t want to make a scene, so I let it slide.”
It wasn’t over.
“Later that night, she made another comment, this time in private, about how she’d never wear something like that unless she lost weight.”
“I got upset and told her that what she said really hurt my feelings, but she brushed it off, saying she was ‘just being honest.’ ”
“Now, I don’t feel like helping her out with the wedding dress anymore. I told her this, and she flipped out, calling me selfish and petty. She says I’m ‘ruining her big day’ over a joke and that it’s not fair for me to back out when I already agreed to help.”
“My parents are saying I should just let it go and help her since ‘that’s what sisters do,’ but I feel like she crossed a line. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Why is a 21-year-old paying for the wedding dress of a 26-year-old? She’s had more time to get established and save up.”
“’Jokes’ at other peoples’ expense aren’t jokes. They are putdowns. If someone chooses to tear you down you owe them nothing. The more she whines and gets family to gang up on you, the more you should hold your ground and get really stubborn about your boundaries.”
“You buy or make her a lacy wedding gag to remind her that if she doesn’t have anything nice to say to people who are doing her a favor, she should probably stuff her mouth with the gag so she doesn’t burn bridges.” – CPSue
“Also, you can’t claim something is a joke if you have already said the comments were made because you were ‘just being honest.’ “ – ProfessorShameless
“I would be mortified to ask my little sister to help me with anything. If anything, it’s my duty as her big sister to help her when I can. Sis shouldn’t be buying something she can’t afford. NTA.” – Hefloats
“NTA. You’re just matching her energy. Why would you respond with kindness when she comes that you with judgmental, aggressive jokes? She is an adult, you are an adult, you don’t owe her anything.”
“You have to let her know that you will not be funding her dress in good time, so she has plenty of time to recover and try to sucker someone else into helping her or reducing her expectations.”
“Jokes are meant to be funny. Not everything someone thinks is honest is actually true, and most of it does not need to be said.” – Competitive_Cod_3843 📢📢📢JUST BEING HONEST
“What a beautiful situation you are in, right now. She is just butt-hurt. However, she crossed a big f’kn’ line. She got personal.”
“So……next she talks to you. You say: ‘I actually took the exact amount for your dress and donated it to the ‘flat-earth’ organization. They can use it in better ways than you. Just being honest.”🤣🤣🤣”
“Feel free to insert some other org, especially if she really hates it/or them. She a f’kn’ piece of work. Good luck, and I hope you have a blessed day.” – OK_Playboy_WhatNow
“NTA. Why on earth should you be paying for her dress in the first place? You’re only 21. Having a good job means you finally have a good income to start setting yourself up to meet your needs.”
“A 26yo older sister should be ashamed for needing her 21yo barely-ft-employed sister to pay for anything for her. (ETA: especially something frivolous.) Being into fashion is often expensive, and those expenses are fully hers to bear.”
“And having managed to talk you into helping her out financially, the least she could do is leash her judgemental poison tongue. She’s the one not being a good sister here.” – calling_water
“Nta You’re 21 and help pay for the wedding dress of your older sister?? I would be ashamed if I was her, letting your little sister make such a big expense. She sounds horrible!”
“You should have said no in the first place.” – Turbulent_Break_1862
“NTA but your sister is A HUGE AH. First off, who asks their younger sister to pay for a wedding dress? Second, what is up with these current bridezillas who say ‘you are ruining my special day’ anytime they hear the word ‘no’ or don’t get something they want.”
“The wedding day doesn’t belong to the bride, it belongs to the bride and groom and their families. Third, the default to ‘it was just a joke’, literally the go to of everyone after being a jerk. Fourth, this is just the first act, wait until she asks you to lose weight so you don’t ‘ruin her pictures’. Repeat, she’s a huge AH and a horrible sister.” – anon
“NTA. Don’t buy her a dress. Don’t give her a penny. You are going to be peer pressured by your family and your sister and guilt-tripped, but don’t give in. She was literally bullying you and trying to make you feel bad about yourself.”
“If she likes jokes so much, you could always say that it was a joke for you to agree originally to pay for the dress, so no hard feelings.” – DevilsAdvocate8008
“NTA.”
“Anyone who tries to use both ‘I’m just being honest’ and ‘it was just a joke’ about the same event, is the type of person who will perpetually be the a**hole.” – FacetiousTomato
“It’s already too late to take it back. Clearly she’s using you to get a better dress than what she can afford. Maybe next time she shouldn’t, ‘bite the hand that feeds her.’ It’s a good lesson for her and your parents to learn. If you parents can say that’s what sisters do then she can understand that you, the sister, is doing. It goes both ways.”
“Your parents can help or your sister can get another job. If you’re a bridesmaid, I would resign from that position. Be a guest or just enjoy the photos after the wedding.”
“Sisters fight, but they aren’t hurtful/hateful with body shaming statements in front of a crowd. That’s hate!” – Perfect-Pattern2259
“NTA. ‘Thank you for sharing how much you care about my health. I hope you understand I can’t pitch in for your dress because you’ve inspired me to use the money to address my health situation.’”
“She doesn’t need to know the health situation is your mental health, and the money is going towards buying yourself a lil present to cheer yourself up for having such a mean sister, lol.” – FKAFigs
“I’ve never heard of a little sister paying for a wedding dress for her sister. It’s not a thing, so just tell her you changed your mind because you’re saving for X and can no longer afford it.”
“How much does she think you will pay? You’re 21. Why on earth is she like this? Tell her she’s an adult and must pay for her wedding dress. When she flips out, just say, ‘Sorry, I’m just being honest.’ ” – Aromatic_Marzipan_23
“NTA.”
” I’m sorry, but I have more self-respect than to help someone who enjoys putting me down. There are consequences to treating the people who are helping you badly. Just being honest.’ “
“I would go LC with the sister, skip the wedding. (If you think she is bad now, just wait til it gets closer to the day and the day of the wedding.) Take a vacation, then. The sister sounds like the person where a relationship is better when you see her as little as possible.”
“If the parents are objecting to her not getting any help, then they can help her.” – Piper6728
Overall, Redditors continued agreeing that the elder sister asking to help pay for the wedding dress was a bit odd.
But what Redditors found unforgivable was the sister’s so-called humor with the body-shaming comment in front of everyone and being dismissive when confronted about it.