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Guy Rejects Groom’s Best Man Offer After Girlfriend Isn’t Invited To Wedding Ceremony

Two handsome and young furious men fighting with each other in the garden.

When putting together a guest list for a more intimate gathering, not everyone is going to make the cut.

This is especially true with weddings.

It can sting when you’re left off the invite list for the nuptials of loved ones.

But if the budget only calls for so much, some trimming must be done.

The trimming can cut deep, emotionally speaking.

Case in point…

Redditor NotAMeteor wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for refusing to go to my best friend’s wedding after he asked me to be his best man, because he didn’t invite my girlfriend to the ceremony?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“One of my best friends has recently gotten engaged to his girlfriend of 4 years.”

“They will be getting married next year, and I was over the moon for them.”

“A few days ago, he asked me to be his best man, and I said yes.”

“I’d never have considered saying no, but yesterday, official invites were handed out, and my girlfriend was only granted an evening invitation.”

“They said that they were only allowed 50 people to the ceremony and 100 to the evening, and any additional seats would cost them money.”

“If it were a case of the pair of them having huge pools of family and friends and they had to make a cut, I wouldn’t feel angry about it.”

“But they both have very small families, and I then found out that people they met online playing video games have been invited to the day, and not only that, but their partners have also been invited.”

“It just feels like a bit of a slap to the face, being the best man and not being allowed one space.”

“The bride has often said that she doesn’t like new people in her life, and my G[irl]F[riend] has very rarely been invited to social events at their house.”

“Though when she first started seeing my friend, I made sure she was invited to everything we did from day one.”

“I’ve been with my GF for six months, and by the time the wedding comes around, it’ll be pushing two years.”

“Anyway, I ended up telling my friend that not only would I be pulling out of being his best man, but I wouldn’t be going to the wedding, and it’s safe to say he wasn’t best pleased.”

“He tried to explain it rationally with there not being space for her, but I stuck to my guns.”

“I know this may make me the a**hole because I’m throwing away years of friendship for something that likely wasn’t a huge consideration for them.”

“There just wasn’t enough space, but knowing how this had made me feel, I don’t think I’d be capable of giving a nice speech during the day.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA. You answered the question in your post.”

“They have limited space and wish to keep the wedding on a budget.”

“It is not for you to decide who watches the ceremony and who doesn’t.”

“Your girlfriend has an invite to the evening reception.”

“It is truly up to the couple on who they wish to attend the morning portion and watching them tie the knot.”

“I bet if you asked your girlfriend if she cares or not, I’d wager it is the latter.”

“All she gets is a free meal, drinks, and a dance party, sounds perfect to her.”

“Push your ego aside and have a conversation with the groom.”

“Explain how you feel and talk it out.”

“Lastly, you have over a year to work through this issue and deliver a speech.” ~ Voidg

“You’re right. It isn’t for OP to decide any of that.”

“What OP IS entitled to is the option to go or not to go.”

“That cannot make OP the AH unless they justify it with some insane, irrational thought process.” ~ AnticipateMe

“YTA. You’ve been with your girlfriend for six months, the couple doesn’t know her, and there is no guarantee you will even be with her in another 18 months from now.”

“You’re planning to throw away your long friendship because you’re in a relatively new relationship with a person who is a stranger to the bride/groom that is having a smaller limited guest wedding.”

“There are hills to die on, but this is not one.” ~ HeirOfRavenclaw

“Imagine a year and a half of awkward friend group events where the OP’s GF has to hang around two ppl who have no interest in being close friends with her and don’t take her seriously.”

“The bride and groom made this whole situation shi**y for OP.”

“Brides and Grooms need to stop acting like their behavior can’t be questioned leading up to their ‘special day.'” ~ OkPumpkin5330

OP responded…

“This is exactly it.”

“When I handed the evening invite to my GF, I could tell it stung.”

“As I say, it’s only been events that the bride and groom have organized that she’s not been invited.”

“My own social events and other friends have always included her.”

“The wedding is a long way off, and at every gathering until then, she will likely feel out of place and disliked.”

Reddit continued…

“YTA for making this a dealbreaker for you with your best friend.”

“And you’re going to feel very stupid if you torpedo this friendship, and then your GF of only six months dumps you in a couple of months.”

“It would have been nice if they’d given you a plus one for the full event, but them inviting people they consider friends (and those friends probably more established partners) over their friend’s newish girlfriend is not something you’re required to take offense at.”

“And if they have twice as much room for the reception, that means they are having to make a lot of tough decisions about who comes to the ceremony.”

“As the best friend of the groom, you could have a little less ego around the invite list.” ~ SadderOlderWiser

“Why does it matter she was only invited to the reception?”

“It’s not like you’d be spending time with your girlfriend during the ceremony anyway since you’ll be part of it, and she’d be watching.”

“It’s quite logical, based on the couple’s guest limits, that your girlfriend would only be invited for the part of the event that she’d be able to interact with you.”

“YTA for backing out on a commitment because they’re not changing their wedding to accommodate your demands.” ~ RavenTwinklefoot

“YTA. You’ve been with your girlfriend for six months… that’s the reason why she’s not invited.”

“This is still a new relationship.”

“You’ve wasted a friendship over a new relationship.” ~ FlyGuy1922

“YTA – She’s been your girlfriend for six months, by Jove, not ten years!”

“I understand from experience that after six months, people tend to still be over the moon with their relationships, and a love this young tends to obnubilate one’s reason, but this is really petty.”

“She’s even invited to the evening celebration. She just cannot fit into the ceremony!” ~ SirDaeltanFernagdor

“You’ve been with your girlfriend for six months, they want people who love them and are very close to them?”

“You’re doing way too much.”

“Just because you’re the best man, it doesn’t mean that you must have a plus one. YTA.” ~ Just_River_7502

OP came back to Update…

“Thanks for the responses below.”

“I appreciate it.”

“It seems I’m blowing things out of proportion for a day that isn’t about me.”

“I will do what I can to rectify this with my mate.”

“In the heat of the moment, it just felt like a more personal slight.”

“One thing a lot of the responses make clear is that I didn’t make it well known that I’ve been friends with both the bride and groom for the duration of their relationship, and due to their joint-at-the-hip nature and the nature of our friendship group, people’s partners have usually been welcomed with open arms to everything.”

“As I said in my above post, I did everything I could to make the bride feel comfortable in the group when she was first introduced, and we consider each other good friends.”

“The point of contention with me is more so that if we were together in a year’s time when the wedding rolls around, I’d like to think she was established in the group.”

“I wouldn’t dream of not asking my best friend’s partner for the most important day of my life.”

“We are all a tight-knit group of friends and see each other regularly (partners and all).”

“It’s just that my partner doesn’t get an invite when it comes to social events hosted by the bride and groom.”

“I know for a fact if the roles were reversed and she wasn’t invited to my wedding, there would be hell to pay (because there have been instances where I’ve invited my friend without his girlfriend for ‘lad’s nights out’ and she’s kicked off).”

“Anyway, the point of this edit isn’t to try and convince people that I’m in the right.”

“I can see quite clearly that I’ve overreacted and that things could have been resolved in a different way.”

“But I just wanted to give a bit more context into our friendship because it’s not a case of my friend getting married to a woman I’ve barely met.”

“I class her as a friend and have made every effort to make her feel included from day dot.”

“Thanks for the honest comments.”

Well, OP, Reddit was not with you on this one.

It sounds like once your emotions cooled off, you were able to grasp a calmer understanding.

No one wants to throw away a lifelong friendship.

Hopefully, this can all work out to everyone’s satisfaction.