Everyone has to pay the bills somehow, and some people choose more creative outlets, like writing novels.
But some people are bound to be judgmental about that, admitted the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor Interesting-Reply118 discovered just how judgmental her neighbors could be when they began to give her unnecessary, negative attention.
When their attention escalated to vandalism, the Original Poster (OP) knew she had to put a stop to their behavior.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for calling the police on a neighbor after she keyed my car because of books I write?"
The OP wrote novels for a living.
"I am a single woman in my early 30s, making my living writing and self-publishing adult fiction. By adult fiction, I mean, ADULT fiction with the majority of the 'plot' being steamy."
"I don't typically tell people what I write but I do tell them I write books for a living under a pen name (and if you're questioning my writing abilities, I have an editor to correct my mistakes)."
"I am not hiding it per se but I am not telling everyone I meet what I do for a living and none of my neighbors knew, only a bunch of friends."
The OP started receiving unusual attention from the husband next door.
"I live in a house alone, pretty much all my neighbors are either young families or retired couples. My next-door neighbor is a young couple. We've been polite to each other but haven't been close or anything."
"Lately, the husband, let's call him Roger, became very friendly towards me, which I tried to ignore, but he's been getting too flirty for my liking, and I started avoiding him."
"They had a BBQ over the bank holiday weekend, and I was taking the rubbish out to put in my bin. Roger looked at me, waved 'hi,' and whispered something to his friend. They both watched me very carefully, which was incredibly creepy."
"On my way through my garden, I saw Roger's wife (Dalia) leaving the house with her friend and they both looked at me with disgust and whispered something to each other. It was weird and I hurried back inside."
Then she started receiving anonymous attention, as well.
"The next morning, I found some religious leaflets put in my letterbox. They were just printed on normal printer paper and were warnings about lustful behavior leading to h**l, etc."
"I threw them away but kept finding similar leaflets put through my letterbox for the next week."
"Since I am working from home, I decided to see who's leaving those leaflets and to my surprise, it was Dalia."
"I decided to confront her and asked her to stop putting religious leaflets through my door."
"Despite me being polite, she was not happy. She told me that I should rethink my life because what I write is disgusting (it's pretty vanilla), and she found her husband reading it at night and you can imagine doing what."
"She kept going on and on about how I am going to burn in h**l, how I have no morals, etc."
"Well, I told her to stay away from me and discuss this with her husband, and I closed the door in her face."
"I don't know who, but someone told them what I do for a living."
But then the situation escalated.
"A day later, I found the word 's**t' painted on my door."
"A few days later, I caught her keying my car, she was almost done with the word 'wh**e.'"
"Well, I called the police on her and since I have installed cameras after the 's**t' incident, she is being taken to court over keying my car."
"I talked to my other neighbor (she asked about the police) about it and she told me that I went overboard, that Dalia was clearly insecure but she's a lovely woman and great mother and I should have talked to her instead of calling the police and give her a chance to change her behavior."
"AITA for calling the police and not giving Dalia a chance?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some strongly approved of the OP's decision to report her neighbor.
"NTA."
"Not overboard. Way underboard. Pursue the maximum charges against this person. Ask for a restraining order."
"Do everything and anything legal to punish this person for what they've done and insure your future safety. This is not a person who thinks logically or rationally." - CharlesMuskrat
"Obviously NTA. She damaged your car. It needs repairs. You knew who did it so you had to report it for insurance purposes."
"You can disapprove of someone all you want but when you stoop to criminal behavior, expect to be treated like a criminal." - NorthernLitUp
"NTA. You have already spoken to her as you said, 'I told her to stay away from me and discuss this with her husband.'"
"She is the one who escalated things by damaging your property. I think you did the right thing by calling the police. You need to have this stuff on record in case you need a restraining order in the future." - Simple-Vegetable23
"NTA."
"Dalia committed a crime. You called the police. That was the appropriate response."
"She started out by gossiping about you, then by giving you leaflets, and then moved on to defacing your property. Her behavior was clearly escalating."
"You did the right thing to protect yourself before her behavior escalated any further. Hopefully, she will get help." - human61850
"NTA. When people harass you and commit crimes against you, you call the police. Absolute zero shades of grey in that." - xiaolongbaochikkawow
Others agreed and said Dalia needed to direct her anger to the right person: her husband.
"NTA. Absolutely not the a**hole. If she's so insecure over her relationship, she needs to be talking to her HUSBAND, not you."
"You're not the only writer out there. Even if she magically made you stop writing, I have no idea what this would accomplish for her."
"She's clearly -not- a lovely person." - Bear_Cub_15
"NTA, if your neighbor wants to play big girl games she gets to win big girl prizes. Don't vandalize people's property and you won't end up in court."
"Maybe she should be more concerned about what your 'pretty vanilla' books are giving her husband that she's not if it's that deep, because she sounds kind of like a prude." - Fine_Following_2559
"NTA. She's not a lovely person, she's an insecure freak who pushes her beliefs onto others. If she really wanted to correct this 'behavior,' she would have started with her husband."
"Her reasoning for being upset has nothing to do with you and shouldn't have led to the extreme of vandalizing your things."
"If anything, start sending leaflets to Dalia about how wrath is a sin and will lead her to h**l, as well." - RezeTheGreat
"Jealous and insecure people like to direct their anger at the wrong target. This is an issue she needs to take up with her husband and herself if she's that bothered by it. It has absolutely nothing to do with OP." - Bear_Cub_15
"This is the perfect example of PLAY STUPID GAMES, WIN STUPID PRIZES. This neighbor deserves whatever consequences come her way."
"Authors of smut are my favorite authors and should be cherished and protected at all costs!!"
"May this neighbor learn to hold her husband accountable for her husband's actions and also how to not commit crimes. NTA." - jokenaround
Some also took issue with what the neighbor said to the OP.
"NTA. 'Lovely women' don't key people's cars. She's not 'lovely.' She's insecure to the point of toxicity and should, ideally, be in therapy."
"Books didn't make her do that, and neither did the author. Her underlying issues did, and now she's facing real-world consequences. That's on her." - Panaccolade
"NTA."
"You did talk to Dalla. You did give her a chance."
"And she upped the game to keying your car."
"I'd be worried that talking to her again would just get her to up her game further; to violence, or more vandalism." - SDstartingOut
"That neighbor is insane if they think Daliah's behavior doesn't warrant calling the police. It is also easy to say someone went too far when you are just a spectator and they are the one being abused."
"OP did try having a conversation with her, but this lady's behavior was unhinged and escalating. Daliah can be insecure."
"That is her personal problem. She needs to keep that to herself and her creepy husband. But, for OP's own safety she needs to press charges." - Electrical-Date-3951
"When does she stop being a 'lovely woman' and start being a dangerous threat to OP?"
"When she smashes out her car windows? When she physically attacks OP?"
"At what point does the neighbor believe the crimes are egregious enough to finally involve the cops?" - Flaky_Tip
"She had so many opportunities to stop, but instead, Dalia chose to gossip, shame, and push religious beliefs. She was asked to stop, and instead escalated further by damaging OP's property not once, but TWICE."
"She deserves every bit of punishment she gets. She invaded your space, damaged your property, and made you feel unsafe in your home." - Jinglebrained
The subReddit was appalled by the neighbor's behavior, as well as the other neighbor's lack of concern about the OP's safety.
Calling the police for vandalism was the only reasonable response, but given how the situation was escalating, the subReddit wouldn't be surprised if the OP needed to call them again soon.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.