It is important for children to learn responsibility.
That they need to be careful of things that are valuable to them and not take things for granted.
The question is, when?
Many parents would argue the earlier the better.
But teaching a lesson too early might not leave the lasting impression they are hoping to leave.
The daughter of Redditor Which-Guard8552 recently lost a prized possession.
While the original poster (OP)'s husband suggested they replace it, the OP was firmly against that idea.
Feeling that their daughter needed to learn that actions have consequences.
A decision that led the OP's husband to label her as "heartless"
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to replace my daughter’s lost stuffed animal?"
The OP explained why her husband felt she was being "heartless":
"I (28 F[emale]) and my husband 28 (M[ale]) have a toddler (almost 3 F[emale]) who loves her stuffed animals."
"She has 4 'main' ones who are her favorites."
"This morning, my toddler, our other kid and I went on a walk and she wanted to take one of her favorites who is named Donut."
"She dropped Donut once on the beginning of the walk, but said something, so we turned around to get him."
"For some context, I have a big double jogger and both kids are under their sunshades and I can’t really see them or around the stroller, so I often miss if things fly out."
"She must have thrown Donut out again and I missed it, and to be honest, I forgot all about him until tonight when my husband was putting her to bed."
"Our daughter was obviously upset when she realized that she couldn’t find Donut, and my husband was too."
"I drove our walk route, but couldn’t find him on the side of the road."
"My husband tore the house apart and no sign of him."
"There’s a chance he’s somewhere weird in the house, but I’m 99% sure he got dropped on the walk bc I don’t remember seeing him when I took my toddler out of the stroller this morning."
"To be honest, I’m not really that worked up about it and feel like this kind of stuff happens and is a good life lesson with natural consequences - my toddler tossed her toy (which she knows she shouldn’t chuck stuff from stroller) and now he’s gone."
"Our daughter went to bed and is over it for now, but my husband is furious at me for being so nonchalant."
"He called me heartless for not caring that Donut is gone and said it was irresponsible for me to let our toddler take him when she has a history of chucking stuff."
"I told him that it’s a good life lesson for her and that she needs to be more careful with her things."
"He wants to buy a new Donut on eBay for like $35, and I told him stuff like this is bound to happen with kids and that I’m not replacing him after he was thrown."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed that the OP was, indeed, the a**Hole for not replacing her daughter's stuffed animal.
While not everyone found the OP heartless, they felt her rationale wasn't appropriate for a toddler, and that her husband was right in feeling that replacing the toy was the right thing to do:
"Meh…I’m going with YTA."
"Once the toddler chucked it and you went back to grab it, that was a cue to say: 'Since you aren’t being careful with Donut right now, he needs to stay in my bag now until we get home'.”
'I get the natural consequences concept."
"I do."
"But as a parent you should be stepping into help prevent these things."
"Natural consequences work best at this age for things you can prevent."
"This you could."- PracticalPrimrose
"YTA."
"She’s almost three."
"You’re asking her to learn a lesson she probably can’t even learn yet."- GLORA-ORB
"YTA."
"Even if your daughter was old enough to 'learn the lesson', you admittedly do not even know if she chucked it."
"She could have easily dropped it."
"She’s not even 3 years old."- dr-penguin-a-d
"YTA."
"She's not even three!"
"Unless you saw her deliberately throw it (which you obviously didn't) how do you know she didn't just drop it accidentally?"
"Get her a new one and teach this lesson another time (like if she throws something at home in the yard or inside the house, it gets taken away temporarily)."- codeverity
"YTA."
"We've all seen Toy Story."
"Poor Donut."- Solistaria
"YTA."
'You are blaming a toddler whos literally hasn’t developed the areas needed to grapple with reckoning action vs. consequences."
"But, you give yourself free passes for:"
"Not noticing if Donut took a dive,
"for forgetting about Donut until nighttime and for being ambivalent about your daughter’s attachment loss."
'Your hubby is a."
"I’d give his opinions more weight."- AdaptableAilurophile
"YTA."
"She is not old enough to understand."
"This is normal toddler behavior, not something 'bad' she did that deserves a consequence."
"When you lose something you love or use every day, do you replace it?"
"Why wouldn’t you replace something so beloved by your daughter AND inexpensive to replace?"
"Your husband is right, it’s kind of concerning how nonchalant you are about it, have some empathy for your kid."- raynstormm_
"When I was a kid I had a my little pony toy called Little Flitter that I was absolutely obsessed with."
"It had these little plastic wings and I took it everywhere with me."
"On a family road trip I was holding Little Flitter out the window because seeing her wings flap in the wind made her feel so real."
"You can guess what happened."
"I lost my grip and cried 'Little Flitter flew away!'."
"I thought she actually flew away."
"I was devastated."
"My parents turned the car around and tried but we were on a highway, who knows where tf that little pony landed."
"They tried to get me another one but by that point they weren't producing Little Flitter toys anymore and the Internet didn't exist yet."
"She she was just gone."
"Of course I got over it but it was always a sad story for me."
"My silly childlike behavior lost me my favorite toy."
"I'm 38 now and work with my dad."
"Last week I walked in to work and what did I see on my desk?"
"Little f8ckin Flitter."
"My dad remembered, even after all these years, and when he saw one in an antique mall he got it for me."
"More than three decades later and he managed to replace my toy that I stupidly lost."
"Anyway, I'm glad my dad doesn't have your attitude and YTA."- tacocattacocat1
"She's not even three?"
"Almost 3?"
"She has four main stuffed animals, not a whole zoo."
"Unless you would take a real financial hit paying $35 for a stuffed animal (which I genuinely understand, stuff is expensive right now, but it might even be worth shopping around to see if you can find a similar acceptable one for less money?)"
"I think it's kind of heartless."
"YTA."- gecko_momma
"YTA."
"You’re saying 'she shouldn’t have tossed it'."
"How do you know she tossed it?"
'Kids are easily distracted."
'For all you know she saw a butterfly and lost focus and loosened her grip."
"She’s not even 3 and you think this will be a 'life lesson' for her?"
"She’s not gonna remember how she lost her favorite toy and should hold onto it tighter."
"All she knows is her friend & comfort toy Donut is gone."
"Not only are YTA."
"Super YTA!"- Nat20sArentmything
"YTA."
"You’re patholagizing childhood and insisting she use part of her brain that won’t develop for at least another few years."
"Wtf man."- dormsta
"She's not even 3."
"You are responsible for her things, not her."
"She's not even going to understand the lesson you're trying to teach her."
"So yeah, YTA."- LeonaLulu
The OP later returned with an update:
'We re-walked the loop this morning looking for Donut and found him."
"A neighbor had picked him up out of the street and moved him to the curb next to their mailbox."
"So easy to spot when walking, but not so easy to see from a car."
It's wonderful that the OP ended up finding Donut.
Even if it does rather get her off the hook, as it were.
Leaving us all to wonder what would have happened had Donut not been found.
Seeing as she did make the effort to go back and look for Donut, though, one guesses the OP had a change of heart.
