Sometimes the most disappointing people in the world are related to us by blood.
Family can do some shady things to one another.
Is there a way back from that?
That is always the main question.
Can we forgive and grow, together?
Case in point…
Redditor throwawaymomvictim wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for filing a police report against my nephew?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom has late stage Alzheimer’s and has been unable to manage her money and needs around the clock care.”
“It probably would be safer to put her in a nursing home but she made us promise to only do that as a last resort.”
“Thankfully she had a lot of investments and savings from my dad before he passed so we can get her a hired personal carer in her own home.”
“My sister is the one who lives the closest and visits her often so she handles mom’s finances.”
“We give my sister $200/month each for her to run errands and help look after mom since we both live out of state.”
“My other sister called me to tell me there’s been a lot of cash withdrawals recently on my mom’s card.”
“I check and there’s nearly a years worth of $3-400s withdrawn.”
“We call my sister who is handling finances and she is confused and says she never takes out any cash she only pays bills with the bank card and uses credit cards for the groceries etc.”
“She freezes the bank card and I take a red eye over.”
“Long story short, we asked the bank where the ATM withdrawal happened.”
“My sister looks shocked when she Googles the location and realizes it’s close to her son’s school.”
“We waited until the son got home and asked him where he worked and he said a local restaurant.”
“We said we would like to go with him to the restaurant to confirm he works there and he got really panicked and said the management just changed so they wouldn’t know him.”
“I ask for his paycheck and finally he gives up and admits he doesn’t have a job.”
“My sister asked him where the money for the new stuff he bought home comes from and he admits he steals the bank card to make cash withdraws.”
“I asked him where he got the pin and my sister confessed she writes her pins on sticky notes so she doesn’t forget them 🤦♂️.”
“I take the bank statements and calculate out that he owes $14,308.”
“I told him he has to pay it back now or I’m filing a police report on him for theft and my sister begs me not to say anything.”
“If he has anything on his record he might not get into college.”
“I told her I won’t if she pays it but she said she’s struggling and doesn’t have the money (she’s a single mother).”
“I told her that isn’t good enough and she complains her son is only 16 and doesn’t know any better.”
“I told her they won’t put a 16 year old in jail but he might do it again when he’s older so it’s better to learn his lesson now.”
“She said we can just take that out of what her son’s inheritance would be from our mom and I yell at her that if our mom was in a state to judge she would write him out of her will for this.”
“I call up my lawyer and ask what I should do and he suggests filing a police report but not including my nephew’s name just yet.”
“I did just that and my sister is screaming at me that I’m ruining her son’s life by involving the police and he’s only a kid.”
“I’m not happy about it, but at 16 if he’s stealing from his own grandma who looked after him when his mom was sick .”
“I can’t imagine what he’s going to do when he’s older.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I’m a former adult protective social worker and this is exploitation and a crime.”
“If you are in the US and your mom needed a nursing home in the next 5 years, Medicaid which pays for long term care, audits the finances upon submitting an application.”
“They could deny paying her bill until the amount that was stolen was paid back or paid by someone (the family) to the facility for that amount that was taken.”
“He either needs to get a job and pay back every penny he stole or face the justice system.”
“This behavior needs to have consequences.”
“My sister did this when she was young and my parents did nothing.”
“She now has multiple felonies for theft, identify theft and stealing credit cards.”
“He needs to learn a lesson.” ~ Suckerforcats
“I was 15 years old and nearly went through with a theft that would have netted me maybe $2K.”
“It was a little more elaborate than this but I chickened out at the last minute when I realised what I was doing was a) risky, and b) had or could have consequences in several different ways.”
“Doing it and getting away with it would have only encouraged me.”
“This 16 year old absolutely knew what he was doing.”
“Maybe not in an adult consequences kind of way, but he absolutely knew he could get into serious trouble.” ~ The_Cutest_Kittykat
“They think the sister is a good person (and she may well be), but there is a lot to be said about ‘how you’re raised.'”
“When I was 22, my grandma gave me a stationery set that had been a gift from her in-laws to write thank you notes for my college graduation presents.”
“When you have literally no money but are expected to buy nice cards and envelopes…”
“When I opened it, I found a $50 bill tucked into it from when it was originally gifted.”
“I really needed that $50 right then.”
“That was several tanks of gas, two weeks of groceries… I needed it.”
“And no one would ever know!”
“But after setting it on my nightstand and thinking about it for a few days, I had to tell my grandma that she had been gifted not only this stationery set, but $50 cash.”
“‘I have it sitting here, and can bring it back when I visit in a few weeks.'”
“Grandma paused and said ‘we really did raise you right. You keep that $50, you need it much more than I do.'”
“And, to OP ‘taking it out of his inheritance’ is not a great way to approach this.”
“Both for the reason you note (she’s not capable of changing her will at this stage) and because there’s no lesson there.”
“I don’t know that he needs to go to jail.”
“But being required to get a job and having a certain percentage (it can even be small, like 10-15%) of his income go to paying that money back would teach a lesson!”
“And I agree with others that you may HAVE to file a report since the elder is not capable of handling their own finances and it all needs to be accounted for.” ~ JoDaLe2
“If he doesn’t face any consequences, he’s going to be taking these kind of ‘shortcuts’ all through life.”
“And the reason why a record for theft may keep him out of the college is that schools don’t want thieves in their dorms!”
“Imagine being this guy’s roommate.”
“He’s going to rifle through everyone’s stuff, trying to find more quick cash, and everyone else is going to pay except him.”
“Sister is another person who doesn’t realize that it’s the guy who did the crime who ruined his life, not the one trying to protect his mom.” ~ HarpersGhost
“Jumping on the top comment to strongly suggest to OP that you partner with your siblings and an attorney to establish a living trust for your mom’s finances.”
“Y’all may not have felt it necessary before, but your sister royally screwed up when she was in charge.”
“(Don’t let her be the trustee either. She blew that chance.)”
“A trust will put down some specific instructions on when/how money is distributed and how it is used, and will help protect your mother’s finances.”
“Depending on how the trust is set up it can also help y’all avoid probate when she passes away.”
“Please please please connect with a lawyer and/or financial advisor to look into this option.”
“NTA, so sorry this is happening to you.” ~ Ok-Aardvark-6742
OP later came back with an update…
“I’ve been over the stuff he’s bought and it’s not going to cover more than a couple thousand even if we manage to sell it at full price.”
“He says he’s spent most of it on his gf but I think he must be onto drugs or something so spend that much within a year.”
“NTA for you, but he needs to pay it back.”
“File a police report and report this as elder abuse to adult protective services. That’s a road they don’t want to go down.”
“Ask your lawyer about this.”
“ETA- find someone else to manage grandma’s finances.” ~ Ok-Concentrate2294
That is a lot to process.
Clearly this young man needs serious help ASAP.
OP seems to have Reddit on lock.
Hopefully this family can come together during this very challenging time.