We can never be too sure with whom we can truly trust.
Making it all the more important that we think very carefully about whom we share delicate information with.
Most people think it’s safe to assume that they can always trust their family with a secret.
For far too many people, however, the situation is sadly quite the opposite.
Redditor Financial-Sun-9480 was recently given some frightening news that she didn’t want to share with too many people.
Unfortunately, a member of the original poster (OP)’s family caught wind of it and shared the news with many more people afterward.
Leaving her to wonder whether or not she wanted this family member to remain an active part of her life.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being furious at my mother-in-law []MIL for sharing my private medical information without my consent?”
The OP explained why she was seriously considering cutting all ties with her MIL.
“| (27 F[emale]) am married to my husband (25 M) of 2 years.”
“His family has always been a very tough spot for us because they are just very different.”
“His mom in particular has always caused problems and is emotionally manipulative as well.”
“I won’t get into too much because there is literally a huge list of things she’s done.”
“One thing in particular that kinda annoyed me is that she has his location, which isn’t bad in itself; however, anytime we would leave our city, she would text/ call and ask what we were doing/ where we were going.”
“Which I just felt like was kinda a breach of our privacy.”
“For the story:
“A few months ago, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.”
“It was very persona,l and I didn’t tell a lot of people at all.”
“Anyways, we were at the hospital, and I was getting surgery to remove it, and I guess she texted him and said ‘why are you at the hospital’, he replied ‘(my name) is having surgery’.”
“She then replied, ‘is it a baby?'”
“He replied ‘no she has cancer in her uterus I think she’s getting it removed’.”
“She then texted my friend and said, ‘hey what kind of cancer does (my name) have?'”
“To which my friend said ‘cervix’.”
“She never spoke to me or asked me or texted me after or anything.”
“I only know because my friend told me ‘hey, btw, she asked me’.”
“Then about 2 weeks later I get a letter in the mail from my husband’s grandmother (his mom’s mom) with a pamphlet about vaginal health and taking probiotics for BV.”
“Also keep in mind I have never spoken to his grandmother or even met her.”
“She didn’t come to our wedding.”
“I immediately get upset and ask my husband if his mom had told her mom about my surgery.”
“He texted her, and she said, ‘Yes, I told her,’ and he said, ‘Why would you do that? (My name) is really upset,’ and then she replied ‘well, why didn’t you tell me I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone?'”
“I’m soo upset I never want to speak to her again.”
“Am I being dramatic or AITA for being upset when she probably meant well?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community largely agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being furious at her MIL.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP’s anger was more than justified, as her cancer diagnosis was not her news to share, even though many pointed out that the OP should be equally furious and concerned with her husband’s behavior as well:
“NTA.”
“But it seems to me that the person who needs an intervention about (a) cutting the figurative umbilical cord known as a locator and (b) keeping his mouth shut about your personal business is your husband.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“Perhaps this is a language issue, but I can’t get past the part of this story where your husband just casually texts ‘yeah she has cancer, I think she’s getting it removed’ as if this is a routine sinus infection you’re just picking up antibiotics for.”
“The whole thing makes little sense, and I can’t imagine any fully grown adult (your husband) who let’s his mother track his real-time location, but doesn’t share what should be among the most traumatizing news of his life – which is that his wife has cancer.”
“He barely seems to even know the details of your life-threatening illness?”
“So NTA I suppose, given the information we have.”
“But this whole saga doesn’t really pass the sniff test.”- MikeDamone
“NTA.”
“For being upset.”
“Tell your husband that you would like him to turn off the location Services for his mom.”
“If she says, I need to know you’re safe.”
“He can say that my wife is the one who can monitor that I’m safe.”
“And tell him he’s never to tell your mother any health information about you.”
“If you want her to know, you will let her know.”- bopperbopper
“If you yourself hadn’t told her it obviously wasn’t any of her damn business in the first place.”
“Your husband needs to step up this grey rocking.”
“NTA.”
“I’d feel so violated.”- witsendgame
“NTA, but you need to include the people who give her info in your fury.”
“Why is your husband just answering her questions, knowing what she’s like?”
“Why is your friend texting her?”
“What’s wrong with everybody’s judgment?”- Ok_Homework_7621
“NTA.”
“But I think it is important you narrow your focus here.”
“Your husband is the real problem.”
“He needs to cut the cord with mommy and stop spreading your personal medical information.”-Elegant_Bluebird_460
“NTA, but why aren’t you furious with your husband?”
“This is ALL on him.”
“He shouldn’t be sharing his location with his mother, and he should be able to say ‘it’s personal and you should ask her directly’.”
“Or if he knows it’s ok with you to tell her personal things, then he needs to say ‘please don’t share this information with anyone else’.”- T_G_A_H
“You are NTA, but I think you have more of a husband problem than a MIL problem.”
“He’s the one who shares his location with her; he doesn’t have to do that.”
“And he’s the one who both told her this information and didn’t tell her not to tell anyone else.”
“If you haven’t been clear with him that you don’t want the information shared, you should be.”-ConflictGullible392
“NTA.”
“But your husband is.”
“He’s the AH.”
“He lets his mother stalk him.”
“This is an open invitation FROM HIM to her to do what she does – stalk YOU.”
“He pretends he doesn’t know how inappropriate it is to let her monitor his location.”
“He pretends he doesn’t know how inappropriate it was to tell her your private business.”
“He knows she’s a blabbermouth and he told her something very private without asking.”
“I would go home to your family or go stay with friends and tell him you’re not coming home until this stops.”
“No more mom following him.”
“No more telling her or your family your business.”
“This should have been handled a long time before this.”- Evening_Delay_1856
Some, however, felt that the OP’s anger was misdirected, and felt the bigger issue she needed to deal with was her husband’s concerning relationship with his mother:
“Soft YTA.”
“You are justifiably angry, but at the wrong person!”
“Your husband shared the info.”
“He is the AH.”
“By the time the info got to grandmother, who knows what she was told, so just ignore the probiotics pamphlet.”
“Let that go, but you have got to get the scissors out and cut those apron strings attached to your husband!”- underwater_owl
While a few had trouble sympathizing with anyone in this scenario:
“You’re mad at the wrong person.”
“The people who broke your trust and gave out your private medical information are your husband and your ‘friend’.”
“Did you tell your husband and friend that you were sharing your medical information in confidence and YOU wanted to be the only person who told people about it?”
“If not, do that as soon as you are up to doing that.”
“And your husband needs to stop sharing where YOU are with his mom.”
“If she calls to ask why he’s at the hospital, he says ‘can’t talk now mom’ Or he says ‘that[s private business mom’.”
“Or he turns off the damned locator so she doesn’t know where he is in the first place.”
“ESH, but mostly your husband and friend.”- KingBretwald
The OP isn’t wrong in that her MIL had no right to share her private information with others without her consent.
That being said, it is alarming that the OP doesn’t seem to have taken into consideration just how her MIL got that information.
As many have pointed out, it seems that the OP should be more concerned about her husband’s inability to keep a secret than her MIL.