Sometimes, when people are out in public, they can’t seem to keep their thoughts to themselves.
When some people are aggravated, they say whatever they feel.
It doesn’t seem to matter if what they’re saying may be hurtful to others.
But free speech is free speech.
And free speech comes with consequences.
Redditor believingisseeing wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for having an afro at The Nutcracker?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Went to the Nutcracker with my 3″ afro, someone behind me complained it blocked the view.”
“I will try to be as objective with my description as possible, and please let me know, AITA?
“I went to a community production (tickets were 30 USD and most of the cast were kids) of ‘The Nutcracker’ in my small town on Sunday at midday.”
“I have very kinky, curly, dense hair, which is naturally an afro.”
“It takes a minimum of an hour for me to braid, which I didn’t have time to do prior to the production.”
“I am 5’2″ and my afro is about 3″ (I just took a tape measure to it).”
“I was a little concerned about the people behind as we arrived at the ballet, but my S[ignificant] O[ther] assured me that my hair was fine.”
“We took our seats with a family of three behind us.”
“We were at the end of the row.”
“There was a small child behind us in the aisle (the seating was staggered), a woman behind my SO, and another small child (maybe 8?) behind me.”
“Before the ballet started, the small children were given booster seats.”
“Then the women loudly commented that ‘if the person in front of you didn’t have such big hair, you would be able to see.'”
“A few minutes later, she made a similar loud comment, which I also ignored, thinking that if it was really such a problem, she could switch seats with one of the children (she was taller than me).”
“Other notes: The ballet started, and she talked with the kids off and on during the first act.”
“At the intermission, I only noticed one other P[erson] O[f] C[olor] in the audience of 400 or so.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the bumh*le?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Guarantee she wouldn’t have been saying that to a white lady with too much hairspray in.” ~ FishingWorth3068
“My boyfriend is over 6’3, she would have complained about him too. NTA.”
“If she really wanted to, she could have switched; she sounds like she just wanted to complain.” ~ Sad_Smoke5648
“As a 6’1” white woman who likes big hair and lots of hairspray, I can confirm this.”
“No one has ever complained about me blocking their view.”
“I’ve heard children say they can’t see, but no one has ever made it personal.”
“The woman behind OP was overtly racist.”
“That behavior l sucks.” ~ 8cowdot
I’ve never complained to people directly, but I have been very peeved by white people with big hair in theatres. “
“That said, three inches doesn’t seem very disruptive for someone who’s only 5’2, and I do agree the lady was either just a regular meanie or a racist one.” ~ rotundanimal
“That just sounds selfish and not at all like the OP, this is her natural hair and not a style she’s done on purpose.”
“I was sitting behind some woman in the theatre with some awful donut-looking updo and had to sit at an angle just to see which was bloody uncomfortable.”
“Do people just not give a s**t about others anymore?” ~ LaurenNotABot
“NTA. Sometimes you get stuck sitting behind someone who is 6’ 5”, sometimes you get stuck sitting behind someone who has an Afro.”
“That’s just life.” ~ RNAvenclaw
“I mean, as a short person that wouldn’t have been able to see over 5’5”, I find this comment mildly irritating, but I spend a lot of time staring at the backs of people’s heads instead of the stage/screen, so I admit I’m a little sensitive on this topic.”
“That said, she’s definitely NTA.”
“It’s community theater, not Broadway or the West End, and there was probably some flexibility with the seating if she had just asked.”
“Most people are helpful and understanding, given the opportunity and a little grace.”
“Wear your hair as you see fit.”
“You don’t need to conform to anyone else’s standards.” ~ omgidontknowbob
“NTA. Yes. I’m 4’11” and know the drill.”
“You grumble to yourself and move on.” ~ Opposite_Community11
“I feel like I always get stuck behind tall guys and am mad/sad that I can’t see as much, but I guess they can’t do anything about their height.”
“BUT, I can lean to the side and see past their ears, or see things to the side of their head and neck.”
“The only problem with a 3″ afro is that if it’s an extra 3″ on both sides, as well, then you really might not be able to see around it very well because of the width.”
“Depends on the seating, of course, but some theaters count on you being able to see between people’s heads, not over the top of them.”
“Regardless, NTA.”
“And that person probably wouldn’t have made any snide comments to a tall white man.” ~ Lizwings
“I agree NTA, and I also think you made a thoughtful point that an extra 3″ all the way around is not the same in a theater setting as an extra 3″ up.” ~ MightFew9336
“NTA. You’re 5’5” with the afro.”
“If you had switched seats with your SO, the child also wouldn’t have been able to see.”
“She sounds low-key racist, but it’s hard to say definitively.” ~ ProfessorDistinct835
“NTA. The 5’5 detail (hair included) is everything anyone needs to know.”
“Taller people sit in front of shorter people all the time, and you’re short or average even with your hair height.”
“She thought you shouldn’t be there, probably without realizing that’s the thought she was having, and she felt like she had the authority to tell you what to do.”
“Good for you for ignoring her.” ~ OReg114-99
“Oh, I love the parents who complain but do nothing to solve the situation.”
“And 3 inches is nothing.”
“As you said, if it was that big of a deal, she could have switched with them.”
“You’re definitely not the bumhole. NTA.” ~ LunaMoonChild444
“NTA. If this were the 80s, no one would have been seeing over my crusty ass hair.”
“Your 3-inch natural hair isn’t a problem, but her micro-aggressions sure are.” ~ Human_Ad7946
“NTA. You can’t exactly remove your hair.”
“If you had been wearing a tall hat and refused to remove it, that’d be another thing, but your situation seems closer to someone complaining because the person in front of them was ‘too tall.'” ~ sjedinjenoStanje
“NTA. When I read the title, I was thinking you had a very large afro, but 3-inch hair? No.”
“Especially considering your height.”
“That takes you to about 5’5, which is a bit above average for a woman, but below average for a man, meaning almost any other adult sitting there would have blocked the kid’s view.” ~ Arctic_Puppet
“To be fair, half of our height is in our legs, so the top of her hair is probably at the place where it would be if she were 5’8.'”
“Which is still considerably shorter than I am, so I think that the noisy theatergoer should just be happy that her kid wasn’t sitting behind me.”
“As a big, old white dude, I might’ve tried to get an usher to help me out if I had to endure that BS.”
“I’m sorry that OP was in this situation.”
“That sucks. NTA.” ~ MystifiedByPeople
“NTA. There could have been a bald person 6’3″ tall in that seat, and the view of the person behind would have been even more blocked.”
“Some people just like to complain.”
“To hell with those people.” ~ elwood_911
“NTA, I get that kids have trouble seeing things like that, but I’ve never understood why people complain about people sitting in front of them.”
“A small child can’t see in a crowded auditorium/stadium, etc., with anyone sitting in front of them, that’s a fact.”
“There’s not a lot the rest of us can do.”
“You’re not that tall, and your hair doesn’t sound that big.”
“If you were 7′ tall and wearing a Stetson to The Nutcracker, then yeah, YTA, but you were just doing normal people things.” ~ maqf
“NTA. 3” is still shorter than if someone did a twist with a clip, and your height means the top of your hair was still lower than a lot of people when they’re sitting down or shorter than someone’s white grandma who gets their hair set at the salon every week.”
“You did no wrong; that person is racist.” ~ cookorsew
“Absolutely NTA.”
“The person behind you should be ashamed of themselves.”
“Seriously. I am appalled.”
“I wonder (not really) if that person would have said anything if the person in front of her was a white woman sporting an updo?”
“Rock your natural hair!”
“Afros are gorgeous.”
“Assume that crappy white people are just jealous of your awesome hair and feeling some type of way.” ~ Mysterious_Peas
“NTA. I’ve felt annoyed when sitting behind a tall person and not seeing Swan Lake properly, but I knew that man didn’t do anything wrong by being tall, and you didn’t do anything wrong by having afro hair.”
“I think it’s rude that the woman even commented on it.” ~ OhSoScandal
“NTA, you encountered racism.” ~ cty_hntr
Reddit has your back, OP.
This woman was rude, and she is setting a terrible example for those kids.
You have every right to wear your hair any way you please.
Hopefully, you were still able to enjoy some of the show.
Happy Holidays!