When a long-term relationship ends, there might be things the couple needs to split up and things that need to be returned, like jewelry.
But what if something was intended to be given to a former significant other… but was never given?
A person who—after a break up—used money they saved for an engagement ring on things they enjoy turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ok_Client_9406 asked:
“AITA for spending money saved for an engagement ring on a tattoo?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“A bit more than a month ago, my now ex broke up with me out of the blue. She was seeing someone else, I didn’t know about it, and she left me for them.”
“Whatever trust was there was shattered, and I can’t be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust. I’m sure after some time I’ll get over the break up and forgive her, but you can never truly rebuild trust.”
“I don’t want to go into the gory details of the relationship or the break up, but we had been talking about marriage before the break up. We had settled on the wedding bands and an engagement ring.”
“I am by no means well off and arguably live paycheck to paycheck, but I manage to always pay my bills, save money, and budget money for fun (concerts, fancy dinners, trips to ren faires/cons/rallies, random events, etc…).”
“While still doing all this, I managed to put aside several thousand for the engagement ring she wanted. After the breakup, I decided to spend that money on myself.”
“I bought myself my favorite bourbon, a case of my favorite cigars, and finally finished a large tattoo sleeve I’ve been working on for two years.”
“The issue came when I started casually seeing a young woman, let’s call her Dee. I knew Dee before I met my ex, but we were more acquaintances than anything else just due to life stuff.”
“And honestly because I only had eyes for my now ex from the moment I first met her, but we knew enough about each other that she was familiar with the fact that I’m not one to just casually throw money around.”
“Since this money wasn’t budgeted for anything (well not since the breakup) and, let’s be honest, I’m heartbroken, I’ve been a lot more willing to just say ‘f*ck it’ and spend money.”
“Tonight, I met Dee for dinner and drinks, and during the drinks part of the evening, she noticed my fresh ink and jokingly asked me if I had gotten promoted or hit the lottery.”
“When I explained to her where this money had come from, she got real serious and told me that spending it like that was disrespectful. That I had saved that money for something beautiful and by ‘wasting it’, it proves I never cared about my ex.”
“Dee ended up leaving me at the bar (where I am currently typing this up) because she was upset with me.”
“Maybe it’s the fantastic cocktails blurring my judgment, but am I the a**hole for spending my money?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I saved money for an engagement ring, and after the relationship ended, I’m now spending the money on myself.”
“A friend feels that’s disrespectful, and I have no clue how that is since it’s my money and the relationship is over.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“OMG, no, NTA. Dee is clearly wrong. It’s your money, darling. Go to Disney and fly first class if you like.”
“Now, that being said, if you’re broke and barely surviving, maybe use most of it for life; but, yes, go have some fun and spend it on whatever you want.” ~ Gold-Worldliness-810
“NTA! These women are gone from your life, but you have some nice new ink that will last forever. I’m almost 33 and regret not getting tattoos I wanted when I was younger because now I have kids and responsibilities and can’t fathom getting a tattoo for the foreseeable future.”
“You will meet someone that is right for you and save up new money to spend on that, but the money you had saved for your ex’s ring could have been spent however you wanted. Your new friend was lucky you didn’t just go to a strip club with it.” ~ Many-Gold1086
“Hey, so, Dee sounds kind of sh*tty. Using the money from the ring picked out specifically for the ex who broke up with you, for something that will bring you a lifetime of joy (almost a decade later and I’m still positively giddy about my sleeves) is disrespectful?”
“The f*ck were you supposed to do, hang on to it until you’re 97 then travel out to the middle of the Atlantic and drop it off the side of a boat while remembering that time you f*cked Leonardo DiCaprio?”
“What an absolutely bizarre thing to get upset about. It wasn’t her relationship, it’s not her ring, it’s not her money, and it’s not her ink.”
“Absolutely NTA, it sounds like you dodged a bullet fired. I wonder what would have been next, giving you sh*t for scattering a loved one’s ashes when you should have baked them into pie and eaten them so that they could have become part of you?” ~ JustKindaShimmy
“Yeah, honestly, what the f*ck Dee‽ NTA, and I can’t believe some new person on a first date, familiar or no, would feel it was their place to chastise you about it.”
“As opposed to going, ‘Hey, whether it was a sensible use of that money or not, it’s a pretty good f*ck you after a break up like that, and you were clearly hurting so maybe it isn’t even something you’d normally do’.”
“But no, full balls to the wall. NTA and good luck, OP, 49 years young, at your absolute peak! Enjoy the you time and don’t focus on dating, your vibe will pull the right person in.” ~ ked145
“No amount of dates would make it acceptable. First of all, what is Dee’s definition of beautiful? Were you supposed to buy a tuxedo?”
“Or maybe she thinks that you should have saved that money to buy HER some jewelry.”
“And if my ex used money he had saved for an engagement ring for any of the things you bought, I would not feel disrespected. It’s your money.” ~ InTheoryandMN
“Sounds like she was mad you didn’t spend the money on her.” ~ Itchy-Worldliness-21
“That’s definitely the impression I got, and the thing is, no matter what she was actually upset about, the timing and the way she made a lottery/promotion joke, it comes off like she’s implying he would need an excuse to splurge on himself.”
“Ew, no thank you—he’s a grown a** man and can do whatever he wants with his money.” ~ quantumkitty128
“NTA. Dee seems to have some personal biases about how you (who are now single) spend your savings.”
“I’m not sure what she expected you to do with that money now it’s never going to be spent on what you were saving it for…?” ~ SlappySlapsticker
“Right‽‽ Like, if he had spent it on ‘sex workers and drugs’ or something like that, I might understand the ‘it’s disrespectful’ comment, but, he’s spending it on something he likes (that’s completely unrelated to sex) that helps him get over his ex.”
“There’s nothing wrong with this.”
“Spending it on a tattoo… where’s the disrespect in that?” ~ DitzyKlutz1
“Oh gawd! Hopefully you blocked her because she sounds exhausting! Actually, just block her because I have a feeling she’s one of ‘those girls’ and she is going to flip like that often.” ~ unicorndontcare69
“NTA. Not sure what Dee’s problem is. What else should you spend it on besides yourself? Was Dee expecting you to spend that money on her now or something?” ~ No-Baseball-568
“NTA, but maybe take some time for yourself to grieve the relationship.”
“It was your money to spend however you want, and I hope that the things you’re spending it on will give you joy and wonderful memories.”
“Not sure what Dee’s deal is, and she’s entitled to her opinion, buÿttt it sure sounds like she might have been interested in your money.” ~ jmckinl
The OP shared a parting message:
“Well with my Uber mere minutes away and my tab having been settled, I want to thank you all for your time and support.”
“Ya’ll rock.”
“Cheers! You made my night infinitely better.”
It sounds like OP got their answer.
But they might need a new girlfriend.
Things aren’t looking great with Dee.