Everyone has their own needs and opinions when it comes to physical intimacy.
But it's generally agreed that a person should be able to do what they want when they're in their own house.
It's clear that not all roommates get this memo, unfortunately, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor pentupjerkta thought that he might have been in the wrong, though, when his roommate questioned the sex life that he had with his wife.
But when the roommate started throwing terrible insults, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they should be roommates anymore.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for telling my 'roommate' to find a new place when he called me a pervert?"
The OP loved his wife and their relationship.
"My wife is my best friend. We game together, we hike together, we play DND with our friends once a week together, and we're expecting our first kid soon. Overall I'm over the moon."
"Obviously though, we spend a lot of time together, so I guess I could see how maybe my perspective is skewed on what's 'appropriate,' so I'm posting here."
The OP and his wife offered to help a friend out by becoming roommates.
"A few months ago one of our mutual friends fell on hard times. His long-term partner kicked him out, he's been laid off almost a year at this point, etc."
"He asked if he could stay in our guest room for a few weeks, and my wife and I agreed."
"A few weeks turned into a few months, no big deal, but we are getting a bit antsy to have our space back."
"We told him he needs to be out in two months though because we'd like a little 'babymoon' before our child gets here."
The roommate recently needed help with something in the house.
"Since my wife and I got together, we've been a daily-intimate kind of couple, also through pregnancy."
"I know this is TMI (too much information), but I just want to explain this isn't a fetish thing. We did it daily for years before pregnancy and it's continued."
"I'll admit I do find it very sexy she is carrying our child, but I've always found her sexy."
"Well, last night our friend tripped the shutoff in his bathroom (it has one of those moisture shutoff things, you don't need to reset the breaker but reset on the plug) and came up to ask us how to get the lights back on."
"I guess he was right outside our door and listening to see if we were still awake and heard us."
The roommate was upset about what he heard.
"This morning he 'sat us down' and said he was really uncomfortable to know we were doing that while he's in the house."
"I pointed out to him that some days he doesn't leave the house at all (most days if we are being honest) so it's kind of inevitable. His room is also on a whole different floor."
"He then said for the next two months, he will go for a walk once a week so 'we can if we must.'"
"I told him that wouldn't work because it's a daily thing."
This turned into an argument.
"He then got very upset and demanded to know if it was true we'd done this every day for the three months he's been living here."
"He said with my wife's 'condition,' he wouldn't have expected that and that I was a pervert."
"He then went on to say we are both perverted for doing that while he is here and that we violated his consent."
"I told him to find a new place to stay then."
"He told some people about the exchange, and while most people have said he's being childish, others have also said me kicking him out 2 months earlier than we last said over this is extreme."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP and his wife were not wrong to be intimate.
"You've been doing it daily and he hasn't noticed so you obviously aren't disrespectfully being too loud while he's there. It's your house. Y'all enjoy sex. That's normal. You're married."
"Just because he wouldn't apparently enjoy sex with someone regnant doesn't mean y'all shouldn't enjoy it. He can find somewhere else to stay. NTA." - TinyBlonde15
"If you were both heartily offending people with the uncontrollable amount of googly-eyes you were making with one another, they wouldn't be hanging out weekly and playing DND with you two. Sounds like a great relationship that other people like being around."
"And, even if any play or fetish, etc. were involved, so what? Your sexual life is no one else's business. You welcomed a friend into your space. That deserves reciprocal kindness and respect." - whateveris---
"My wife and I are about to celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary. When we first got together, we were doing it up to ten times a week."
"Around our tenth anniversary we were on about two or three times a week, and these days we're both pushing 50 and only doing it once every month or two."
"However often we've had sex has been the right amount for us at the time."
"We're just as madly in love with each other today as we were in our early 20s, but we just express it in different ways now." - MCDexX
"Don't worry about if you and your wife are being 'weird' (not that you are) - have fun being however you want to be! and get this guy out. He has no right to try to control you." - ParsimoniousSalad
"Man, I haven't felt the desire to have sex with my SO every day since I was like 16. If you two are still feeling that after being married, and getting pregnant, that's something to cherish, not be embarrassed by."
"Nothing about your relationship sounds creepy or perverted. And to be honest, letting your wife know you still find her attractive enough to have sex with every day, even when her body is going through some pretty extreme s**t, is probably super good for her self-esteem and mental health." - KonradWayne
Others thought the roommate had a strange relationship with sex.
"NTA."
"He's living with a married couple, does he seriously only expect you to be intimate when he's not in the house? Not like you guys were doing it on the couch or screaming like banshees."
"Time for you and your wife to have your own space and prepare for your new little family in privacy." - Carolinediva
"If one of the reasons he asked to stay with you is because he assumed you weren't having sex due to pregnancy, he sounds like he has some real issues around sex."
"Maybe he was projecting a bit with the 'pervert' comment."
"NTA" - OwnBrother2559
"Mate, your friend is being so very weird and has some strange hang-ups they need to work on. And that's such a strange thing to assume on his part."
"If he has such an issue with people having sex in shared spaces, he should maybe move to a studio and then have the joy of hearing randoms who think their landlord's s**tty subdivisions actually affords a no-sex-noise environment. Or a motel. Same diff."
"Super great you guys are still making all the love!" - Nancyhasnopants
"No, you two are normal and healthy. He is very weird, immature, entitled... If you didn't seem so sincere in the comments, I would doubt if someone could even act like that to such generous friends."
"His behavior is outrageous and you are so entitled to kick him out early. He is being so disrespectful. NTA." - Ivegotthatboomboom
"AHAHAHAHAHA"
"How precious of him! Sure, he's living with a married couple, but how was he to know you two might be (whispers) doing the sex! How sinful! How deviant!"
"NTA." - Jazmadoodle
"I am still in shock that this poor delicate man has to stand outside a bedroom on a different floor of his own (generously given) bedroom to listen to the people who are kind enough to give him a home after his evil partner kicked him out and hear the married people have s-e-x."
"He is so gracious to schedule a window where he will walk around the neighborhood thinking about OP banging his wife, especially in 'her condition' because he is such a mooch that he never even leaves the house."
"OP, never feel guilty that this mooch was trying to take over your house and dictate terms to you and your wife in your own home. Also by the way, he isn't a real friend."
"And finally, good for you guys. You have matching sex drives and your wife carrying your child IS sexy and it's great that you both are loving that! Too many couples find their sex drives to not match after marriage. You guys are perfectly matched and congrats on the incoming addition!" - Constant_Camera3452
While the OP had mixed feelings about what had happened with his friend, the subReddit insisted that he and his wife were far from being the AHs in this story.
Rather, the friend should have been more grateful for their willingness to take him in, especially with a new family member on the way. And being grateful definitely had nothing in common with dictating someone else's sex life, whether they were sharing a roof or not.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.