Everyone has their own needs and opinions when it comes to physical intimacy.
But it’s generally agreed that a person should be able to do what they want when they’re in their own house.
It’s clear that not all roommates get this memo, unfortunately, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor pentupjerkta thought that he might have been in the wrong, though, when his roommate questioned the sex life that he had with his wife.
But when the roommate started throwing terrible insults, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they should be roommates anymore.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my ‘roommate’ to find a new place when he called me a pervert?”
The OP loved his wife and their relationship.
“My wife is my best friend. We game together, we hike together, we play DND with our friends once a week together, and we’re expecting our first kid soon. Overall I’m over the moon.”
“Obviously though, we spend a lot of time together, so I guess I could see how maybe my perspective is skewed on what’s ‘appropriate,’ so I’m posting here.”
The OP and his wife offered to help a friend out by becoming roommates.
“A few months ago one of our mutual friends fell on hard times. His long-term partner kicked him out, he’s been laid off almost a year at this point, etc.”
“He asked if he could stay in our guest room for a few weeks, and my wife and I agreed.”
“A few weeks turned into a few months, no big deal, but we are getting a bit antsy to have our space back.”
“We told him he needs to be out in two months though because we’d like a little ‘babymoon’ before our child gets here.”
The roommate recently needed help with something in the house.
“Since my wife and I got together, we’ve been a daily-intimate kind of couple, also through pregnancy.”
“I know this is TMI (too much information), but I just want to explain this isn’t a fetish thing. We did it daily for years before pregnancy and it’s continued.”
“I’ll admit I do find it very sexy she is carrying our child, but I’ve always found her sexy.”
“Well, last night our friend tripped the shutoff in his bathroom (it has one of those moisture shutoff things, you don’t need to reset the breaker but reset on the plug) and came up to ask us how to get the lights back on.”
“I guess he was right outside our door and listening to see if we were still awake and heard us.”
The roommate was upset about what he heard.
“This morning he ‘sat us down’ and said he was really uncomfortable to know we were doing that while he’s in the house.”
“I pointed out to him that some days he doesn’t leave the house at all (most days if we are being honest) so it’s kind of inevitable. His room is also on a whole different floor.”
“He then said for the next two months, he will go for a walk once a week so ‘we can if we must.'”
“I told him that wouldn’t work because it’s a daily thing.”
This turned into an argument.
“He then got very upset and demanded to know if it was true we’d done this every day for the three months he’s been living here.”
“He said with my wife’s ‘condition,’ he wouldn’t have expected that and that I was a pervert.”
“He then went on to say we are both perverted for doing that while he is here and that we violated his consent.”
“I told him to find a new place to stay then.”
“He told some people about the exchange, and while most people have said he’s being childish, others have also said me kicking him out 2 months earlier than we last said over this is extreme.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP and his wife were not wrong to be intimate.
“You’ve been doing it daily and he hasn’t noticed so you obviously aren’t disrespectfully being too loud while he’s there. It’s your house. Y’all enjoy sex. That’s normal. You’re married.”
“Just because he wouldn’t apparently enjoy sex with someone regnant doesn’t mean y’all shouldn’t enjoy it. He can find somewhere else to stay. NTA.” – TinyBlonde15
“If you were both heartily offending people with the uncontrollable amount of googly-eyes you were making with one another, they wouldn’t be hanging out weekly and playing DND with you two. Sounds like a great relationship that other people like being around.”
“And, even if any play or fetish, etc. were involved, so what? Your sexual life is no one else’s business. You welcomed a friend into your space. That deserves reciprocal kindness and respect.” – whateveris—
“My wife and I are about to celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary. When we first got together, we were doing it up to ten times a week.”
“Around our tenth anniversary we were on about two or three times a week, and these days we’re both pushing 50 and only doing it once every month or two.”
“However often we’ve had sex has been the right amount for us at the time.”
“We’re just as madly in love with each other today as we were in our early 20s, but we just express it in different ways now.” – MCDexX
“Don’t worry about if you and your wife are being ‘weird’ (not that you are) – have fun being however you want to be! and get this guy out. He has no right to try to control you.” – ParsimoniousSalad
“Man, I haven’t felt the desire to have sex with my SO every day since I was like 16. If you two are still feeling that after being married, and getting pregnant, that’s something to cherish, not be embarrassed by.”
“Nothing about your relationship sounds creepy or perverted. And to be honest, letting your wife know you still find her attractive enough to have sex with every day, even when her body is going through some pretty extreme s**t, is probably super good for her self-esteem and mental health.” – KonradWayne
Others thought the roommate had a strange relationship with sex.
“He’s living with a married couple, does he seriously only expect you to be intimate when he’s not in the house? Not like you guys were doing it on the couch or screaming like banshees.”
“Time for you and your wife to have your own space and prepare for your new little family in privacy.” – Carolinediva
“If one of the reasons he asked to stay with you is because he assumed you weren’t having sex due to pregnancy, he sounds like he has some real issues around sex.”
“Maybe he was projecting a bit with the ‘pervert’ comment.”
“NTA” – OwnBrother2559
“Mate, your friend is being so very weird and has some strange hang-ups they need to work on. And that’s such a strange thing to assume on his part.”
“If he has such an issue with people having sex in shared spaces, he should maybe move to a studio and then have the joy of hearing randoms who think their landlord’s s**tty subdivisions actually affords a no-sex-noise environment. Or a motel. Same diff.”
“Super great you guys are still making all the love!” – Nancyhasnopants
“No, you two are normal and healthy. He is very weird, immature, entitled… If you didn’t seem so sincere in the comments, I would doubt if someone could even act like that to such generous friends.”
“His behavior is outrageous and you are so entitled to kick him out early. He is being so disrespectful. NTA.” – Ivegotthatboomboom
“How precious of him! Sure, he’s living with a married couple, but how was he to know you two might be (whispers) doing the sex! How sinful! How deviant!”
“NTA.” – Jazmadoodle
“I am still in shock that this poor delicate man has to stand outside a bedroom on a different floor of his own (generously given) bedroom to listen to the people who are kind enough to give him a home after his evil partner kicked him out and hear the married people have s-e-x.”
“He is so gracious to schedule a window where he will walk around the neighborhood thinking about OP banging his wife, especially in ‘her condition’ because he is such a mooch that he never even leaves the house.”
“OP, never feel guilty that this mooch was trying to take over your house and dictate terms to you and your wife in your own home. Also by the way, he isn’t a real friend.”
“And finally, good for you guys. You have matching sex drives and your wife carrying your child IS sexy and it’s great that you both are loving that! Too many couples find their sex drives to not match after marriage. You guys are perfectly matched and congrats on the incoming addition!” – Constant_Camera3452
While the OP had mixed feelings about what had happened with his friend, the subReddit insisted that he and his wife were far from being the AHs in this story.
Rather, the friend should have been more grateful for their willingness to take him in, especially with a new family member on the way. And being grateful definitely had nothing in common with dictating someone else’s sex life, whether they were sharing a roof or not.