Though we should all be able to agree that pregnancy is a huge undertaking, few people understand how life-changing it is until they’ve lived it themselves.
Pregnancies can put a serious strain on romantic and family relationships, let alone situationships like coworkers and roommates, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Big_Possibility5712 had a good situation going with his roommate, even when his roommate had his girlfriend over.
But once the roommate’s girlfriend got pregnant and started making demands, even though it wasn’t her house to make demands in, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if his roommate relationship could work anymore.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my roommate that either his pregnant girlfriend stops whining or he moves out?”
The OP got along well with his roommate and his roommate’s girlfriend.
“I (28 Male) live in an apartment that I got from my uncle. The apartment has two bedrooms so as I don’t need the extra space, I rented the second room.”
“My roommate (24 Male) has been living with me for a little over a year and a half. He’s been dating his girlfriend (24 Female) for five or so years. She lives in another house and has four roommates herself.”
“As her house is more crowded, my roommate asked me if it was okay if she stayed over sometimes. I agreed since I don’t really have a problem with it at all, as long as they’re respectful.”
But the situation recently dramatically changed.
“We haven’t had any major issues until now. But his girlfriend got pregnant.”
“He told me and I was like, ‘Oh, great, congratulations.'”
“He did try to bring up a conversation to see if I allowed her to move in with him/us but I said no. I work from home most of the time, I don’t want to deal with a third person or a newborn in the future.”
“He asked me if she could still come and stay some nights as before and I said that was fine.”
But the three of them didn’t get along as well as they used to.
“She’s four or so months along in her pregnancy. Well, these last three months, she has grown to be very annoying whenever she’s staying over.”
“What I mean is that I got woken up in the middle of the night/early morning too many times because she’s running to the bathroom at the end of the hallway.”
“I don’t use that bathroom (I have my own connected to my room) but my guests sometimes use it and they have said that it’s dirty and messy.”
“She’s also staying over a lot more nights than she used to before.”
“The biggest problem is that she has developed really bad nausea. Even now she’s still having morning sickness, and we’ve many issues regarding food because she and my roommate asked me to stop having some foods that get her sick.”
“I told her that this is not her house, and she has no right to come and expect me to change my diet because of her.”
“They took that very badly. I continued my life as normal, she always complains and runs to the bathroom when I cook, and there have been a couple of times when she has actually thrown up on the floor too, which is disgusting.”
The OP decided enough was enough.
“I’m sick of it, to be honest, so I told my roommate that either she stops coming over, she stops complaining, or he moves out. I would give him a month or two if he needs it to find somewhere else to live, but I’m tired of having his girlfriend over. She’s annoying me.”
“He of course got very upset and said that she wouldn’t annoy me so much if I was more understanding of her condition. He said that they’re not in a comfortable position to move, that she’s sick and needs his support, and all of that.”
“Some of my friends, coworkers, and family are on my side, but some others said that I’m behaving like a total a**hole and I could easily change my diet for a couple of months.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP he was NTA for setting boundaries in his own home.
“NTA. She doesn’t live there, and you’ve made it clear you don’t want an infant in the house since you work from home. While I do agree you might be a little more accommodating while she’s there, your roommate and his GF need to move into their own space to prepare for a baby.”
“They made a choice to get pregnant, so they need to adult up and prepare for bringing another life into this world they will need to support.”
“I was going to say E S H until she threw up on the floor multiple times. That’s nasty. While I know you can’t control morning sickness, she should be able to make it to a bathroom/sink/garbage can to throw up.” – Discount_Mithral
“NTA. You’re prolonging the inevitable. A newborn is even more annoying. Just give your roommate notice to move out.”
“There is no excuse for bathrooms being left dirty or for her to expect you to change your diet.” – Squiggles567
“NTA, her pregnancy has nothing to do with you. Your quality of like should stay the same. If they can’t afford an apartment, then what will happen when the child comes? She’s going to try to move in. Better to get him out of the house before the baby arrives.” – Correct-Jump8273
“Your roommate is the father, not you. It’s not your responsibility, and get them the heck out. Don’t bother being nice. It will bite you in the butt. NTA get them out.” – Brilliant_North2410
“NTA. They need a real plan if they are going to have a baby, and they only have five more months to work it out. She can’t stay in her old place with the baby, and she can’t live with you.”
“They need to be looking for a new place to live together with their new baby as soon as possible. I suspect they were hoping to wait you out and then guilt you into letting them stay when the baby was born.”
“Give him a deadline; he has 90 days to move out.” – Used_Mark_7911
Others agreed and said YTA only for not setting a move-out date for his roommate yet.
“NTA, but you’d better evict him now.”
“If you wait until the baby is born, what if he elects to have the child live with him? You can’t forbid that without violating fair housing laws.”
“Evict him NOW so that’s not an issue. Or… roll the dice and take your chances, but then be ready to take what’s coming to you.” – MyHairsOnFire2023
“YTA for not banning her yet and still cooking s**t and calling her out.”
“Just tell her to stay home.”
“Also, if she has her own place and the roommate rents at yours, they’re not desperate for a place to stay and could move in together, away from you. As I gathered. So they should just do that already. Do not under any circumstances let them live at your place with the baby.” – MakitaNakamoto
“YTA? A little. It’s your place, obviously, and your limits are really being pushed. Your roommate didn’t use decent birth control, and that’s not your problem. They obviously aren’t ready to be parents.”
“That being said, you need to realize that it’s not like she can control the nausea or vomiting. And your cooking is making her worse-she can’t control that either. During my first pregnancy, I vomited whenever I went down the cleaning supply aisle of a grocery store, whenever meat was cooked and when I smelled soap to bathe myself or clean anything. I vomited until I delivered my babies. It’s very difficult!”
“Yet, not your problem. Try to be compassionate. I think your roommate needs to get his own place!” – Spare_Flamingo8605
“You don’t seem to understand that unless you evict him, you will absolutely have a baby living with you in the near future. The whining girlfriend will be the least of your problems. Get rid of this guy. NTA.” – panic_bread
“There’s no moral question here. You are NTA. Your roommate and his girlfriend are the AH.”
“You would be wise to start the eviction process now, before the child is born.”
“Also, tell the tenant that his girlfriend is only allowed the originally agreed-upon nights and no more. In the future, have a set limit of nights per month/week that a tenant can have guests and do not allow it to be broken.” – Puzzleheaded_Big3319
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a reluctant update.
“Y’all are right, I need to evict him. It sucks because even though we’re not friends, he was a good roommate and all, but it’s too risky to have him here when the baby is born.”
“Hopefully they can find somewhere else to live. I’ll try to have the conversation with him today.”
While the subReddit could empathize with the fact that the roommate’s girlfriend was clearly going through severe pregnancy symptoms and likely couldn’t help her condition or complaints, they were otherwise nervous on the OP’s behalf about the state of his home.
It was clear that it was time for the roommate to find somewhere else to live, preferably a place that could accommodate him, his pregnant girlfriend throughout the rest of her pregnancy, and their future child together. Expecting to uproot the OP’s life any further, all in the confines of a spare bedroom, was hardly realistic.