When it comes to navigating life during this pandemic, most of us are in unchartered territory.
But even though life as we knew it is still on an indefinite pause, major events—like weddings—have resumed with some creative ideas for social distancing.
One bride's solution lead Redditor Flodomofo to consult the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
"AITA for refusing to RSVP to my sister's wedding because I'm required to write an 'application essay' just to attend?"
They admitted the question sounded ludicrous.
"Yeah I know this sounds insane but I'm living in it."
"So my sister is getting married next February, destination wedding no less. I have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward."
"Anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they're cutting capacity by half. As a result she's sending out 're-invites' that asks everyone to RSVP again."
"But in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she's asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word 'essays' to two questions."
"The gist is that they'll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people's enthusiasm. People who don't write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified."
"I just feel really insulted by all of this. The questions aren't even pandemic-related, its broad topics like 'why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?'"
"And 'what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?' So she's blatantly looking for people to kiss a** and tell her why they REALLY want to go."
"Anyways I told her in advance I'm not writing 500 words on why I NEED to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present."
"This has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. She's said that to keep things fair if I don't fill out the RSVP correctly I won't be saved a spot. I said fine with me."
"Then my parents said if I don't show up I'm going to be in big f*king trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays."
"AITA if I stay stubborn on this? I'm already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. But I will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. AITA?"
In the edit, the OP specified:
"I'm 27 F[emale]. I don't live with family but she is my only sister."
"Sister has framed these essays as 'surveys' but there's a word limit requirement so if you don't reach it on the Google forms you can't even submit."
"Parents think this is perfectly reasonable, nice even, because sister is letting everyone have the chance to attend."
Anonymous strangers then weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors penned essays of their own to declare the OP was NTA.
"It's ridiculous to ask anyone to do this. You invite people to your wedding because you want to share your important moments with them not the other way around."
"Frankly anyone who spends time out of their day to write an essay begging for the privilege of a wedding invitation is a giant doormat." – sarasa3
"I wouldn't be surprised if she relents and invites the whole family, because nobody else filled out the essays anyway, and she doesn't want an empty venue."
"People are crazy about weddings, and have completely forgotten that people who come to your wedding are doing YOU the favor, not the other way around." – fernAlly
"You know, another reason this idea is obnoxious is that she's trying to offload a difficult decision that is solely hers and her fiance's onto other people."
"They need to decide who does and doesn't get to come to their wedding, and instead of making the difficult decisions involved, they're trying to push the burden to other people, hoping that some self-select."
"They need to suck it up, be grown ups, and make their decision(s). It might make sense to send a quick note to people explaining the situation, and asking that anyone who has reservations about spending the money or time involved let them know, and they can remove them from the guest list, but the basic chore is theirs, and they just need to do it."
"And in the unlikely event that more people fill out the essay than the number of spots available, how do you judge?"
"Is there a grammar component? Do you really cut out a close relative with subject-verb agreement issues, in favor of a business acquaintance who writes eloquently? They really didn't think this through at all." – fernAlly
"I mean, Granny who can´t use a computer and got shaky handwriting can obviously not come. Neverminding she babysat you every day as a kid... ;)" – adyring
"Right? Who does this? Obviously it sucks the venue is cutting down the numbers but who the hell thinks an emotional thunderdome is the right way to pick who goes? Your wedding you pick who attends?"
"It would be fine to for instance say 'hey we need to cut down numbers because pandemic so we would like to check in and see if people are still attending' since people's work, finances, school and everything else are turned upside down."
"But treating attending your wedding like its a prize in a contest is legit crazy. NTA for sure." – gpele13
This Redditor offered essay suggestions.
"NTA. I would definitely send in two essays. The first would say 'Mom/Dad said I have to come or I'm in BIG trouble' over and over again until you hit 250."
"The second, 'I'm your sibling.'" – sc1293
The OP also mentioned no one received preferential treatment—even as a member of the family—and her sister still welcomed wedding gifts from those who were not picked to attend.
There was no information regarding the groom's take on the situation. But Reddit made it very clear the OP—and anyone else who refused this bridal request—was not the a**hole.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.