When it comes to navigating life during this pandemic, most of us are in unchartered territory.
But even though life as we knew it is still on an indefinite pause, major events—like weddings—have resumed with some creative ideas for social distancing.
One bride’s solution lead Redditor Flodomofo to consult the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for refusing to RSVP to my sister’s wedding because I’m required to write an ‘application essay’ just to attend?”
They admitted the question sounded ludicrous.
“Yeah I know this sounds insane but I’m living in it.”
“So my sister is getting married next February, destination wedding no less. I have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward.”
“Anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. As a result she’s sending out ‘re-invites’ that asks everyone to RSVP again.”
“But in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word ‘essays’ to two questions.”
“The gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. People who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified.”
“I just feel really insulted by all of this. The questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ‘why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?’”
“And ‘what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?’ So she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss a** and tell her why they REALLY want to go.”
“Anyways I told her in advance I’m not writing 500 words on why I NEED to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present.”
“This has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. She’s said that to keep things fair if I don’t fill out the RSVP correctly I won’t be saved a spot. I said fine with me.”
“Then my parents said if I don’t show up I’m going to be in big f*king trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays.”
“AITA if I stay stubborn on this? I’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. But I will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. AITA?”
In the edit, the OP specified:
“I’m 27 F[emale]. I don’t live with family but she is my only sister.”
“Sister has framed these essays as ‘surveys’ but there’s a word limit requirement so if you don’t reach it on the Google forms you can’t even submit.”
“Parents think this is perfectly reasonable, nice even, because sister is letting everyone have the chance to attend.”
Anonymous strangers then weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors penned essays of their own to declare the OP was NTA.
“It’s ridiculous to ask anyone to do this. You invite people to your wedding because you want to share your important moments with them not the other way around.”
“Frankly anyone who spends time out of their day to write an essay begging for the privilege of a wedding invitation is a giant doormat.” – sarasa3
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she relents and invites the whole family, because nobody else filled out the essays anyway, and she doesn’t want an empty venue.”
“People are crazy about weddings, and have completely forgotten that people who come to your wedding are doing YOU the favor, not the other way around.” – fernAlly
“You know, another reason this idea is obnoxious is that she’s trying to offload a difficult decision that is solely hers and her fiance’s onto other people.”
“They need to decide who does and doesn’t get to come to their wedding, and instead of making the difficult decisions involved, they’re trying to push the burden to other people, hoping that some self-select.”
“They need to suck it up, be grown ups, and make their decision(s). It might make sense to send a quick note to people explaining the situation, and asking that anyone who has reservations about spending the money or time involved let them know, and they can remove them from the guest list, but the basic chore is theirs, and they just need to do it.”
“And in the unlikely event that more people fill out the essay than the number of spots available, how do you judge?”
“Is there a grammar component? Do you really cut out a close relative with subject-verb agreement issues, in favor of a business acquaintance who writes eloquently? They really didn’t think this through at all.” – fernAlly
“I mean, Granny who can´t use a computer and got shaky handwriting can obviously not come. Neverminding she babysat you every day as a kid… ;)” – adyring
“Right? Who does this? Obviously it sucks the venue is cutting down the numbers but who the hell thinks an emotional thunderdome is the right way to pick who goes? Your wedding you pick who attends?”
“It would be fine to for instance say ‘hey we need to cut down numbers because pandemic so we would like to check in and see if people are still attending’ since people’s work, finances, school and everything else are turned upside down.”
“But treating attending your wedding like its a prize in a contest is legit crazy. NTA for sure.” – gpele13
This Redditor offered essay suggestions.
“NTA. I would definitely send in two essays. The first would say ‘Mom/Dad said I have to come or I’m in BIG trouble’ over and over again until you hit 250.”
“The second, ‘I’m your sibling.’” – sc1293
The OP also mentioned no one received preferential treatment—even as a member of the family—and her sister still welcomed wedding gifts from those who were not picked to attend.
There was no information regarding the groom’s take on the situation. But Reddit made it very clear the OP—and anyone else who refused this bridal request—was not the a**hole.