A wedding can be a hotbed of drama.
Although it is a fun event, having that many people with history in the same room can be a powder keg.
The past is often never dead.
Public events are always the best time to air out grievances, right?
Well, this family thought so…
Redditor bdhjsj wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for ruining my cousin’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m going to try to keep it brief because I genuinely feel like I’m being gaslit by everyone, but also maybe I’m not seeing my own role in this situation.”
“I’m in university, and I had a very brief relationship with a guy in my course.”
“I ended it because I felt like I needed to learn independence.”
“I’ve never lived on my own.”
“My Mum was looking for me to settle down, and I really wasn’t.”
“I wanted to learn to be on my own for a bit, and he wanted to marry someone he could take care of.”
“We went our separate ways, finished Uni, got jobs, etc.”
“My cousin got married the other day.”
“This guy I was previously talking to attended with his wife.”
“She also attended our Uni and was on the same course.”
“I wasn’t really fussed by seeing them, they’ve clearly moved on and I’m loving life right now, having that independence I’ve been wanting.”
“It’s all chill until his wife comes up to our table.”
“She asked me why she didn’t see me at graduation.”
“For context, I didn’t attend our graduation ceremony because both my grandmothers had passed away, and it was their funeral.”
“I didn’t really care about missing graduation because I’ve got horrible social anxiety anyway, and the thought of being seen by that many people freaked me out.”
“She asked about my career.”
“I told her that I’m in teaching now and I love it.”
“Small pleasantries, you get it.”
“But she randomly veered the conversation in a different direction.”
“She’s like, my husband doesn’t care about you anymore.”
“I wasn’t bothered at all because over the few years since we were together, I started to see just how toxic he was.”
“He was controlling, and he wanted me to ask his permission before seeing my own friends.”
“I was not looking to start an argument at my cousin’s wedding, so I walked away from them and sat at my other cousin’s table.”
“I don’t know how, but she found me again at some other point of the reception, and it got weird.”
“She was saying things like, ‘You are so jealous of us.'”
“You skipped graduation because you didn’t want to see us together.”
“I didn’t even know they were together.”
“I didn’t bother explaining myself.”
“It would’ve been pointless as she’d already made up her mind about me.”
“I just nodded along as she ranted to me.”
“But as you’d expect, it started to take attention away from the wedding.”
“I decided it would probably be best to go home, so I gave my gifts and left.”
“But my cousin messaged me a few days later, angry at me for starting fights at the wedding.”
“I told her I wasn’t looking for any fights, and that girl had approached me every single time.”
“But she told me it was my fault for leading him on in the first place.”
“I explained it was a very long time ago, I was only 19 at the time, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, let alone commit to marrying a guy.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I being dumb, or is this actually my fault? Did I ruin the wedding? There’s more I want to include, but this post is limited.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You didn’t start the fight, and you left so it wouldn’t cause commotion at the wedding… NTA.”
“Is your cousin friends with the other girl?”
“Cause it seems like she’s taking sides when she should be mad at the other girl for starting s**t at her wedding.” ~ Shaypotato76905
“Tell your cousin she needs better friends.”
“A good friend wouldn’t stalk her husband’s ex-girlfriend from when he was 19, and follow her around a friend’s WEDDING!!”
“Ranting at her because ex G[irl]F[riend] isn’t jealous and isn’t still thinking about husband like husband and wife OBVIOUSLY are about his ex gf who was 19 at the time!!”
“Gotta keep emphasizing the 19!!”
“Because that is the craziest part to me.” ~ Both_Pound6814
“Yeah, that lady manipulated the narrative.”
“I feel you de-escalated with your leaving.”
“As this lady didn’t get the reaction she wanted from you, he escalated it on her own. NTA.” ~ tango421
“Sounds like neither your ex-wife nor your cousin was actually mature enough to get married. NTA.” ~ redditstinkttotal
“NTA. Based on what you’ve written, you realized that guy wasn’t what you wanted, and the relationship ended a long time ago.”
“His wife is either very unhappy and/or very insecure in her relationship, and she’s projecting, or he put her up to confronting you, or some combination of those three things.”
“You did the right things in an awkward situation; you initially walked away, and when she attempted to continue the interaction, and you realized it was drawing unwanted attention, you excused yourself and left the event.”
“Any attention that was diverted from the bride and groom was entirely her fault, because she continuously tried to not only engage, but also escalate, the situation.”
“Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.” ~ AffectionateYoung300
“NTA. Sounds like the new wife is insecure and taking it out on you.”
“And your cousin is mad that she wasn’t the center of attention as much as she wanted to be, but can’t easily take it out on the wife, so she’s taking it out on you, too.”
“You’ve got some dramatic people in your life, but you’re not the problem.” ~ rabid_rabbity
“NTA. Your cousin and that guy’s wife are whack jobs.”
“You attempted to diffuse the situation by removing yourself on multiple occasions.”
“When it was clear the wife was not going to leave you alone, you left the reception to ensure the focus would remain on the cousin.”
“What exactly were you supposed to do?”
“Why isn’t your cousin going after the wife who kept initiating the conflict?”
“Your cousin is defending the wife’s actions by saying it’s because you led a guy on that you dated briefly years ago?”
“Irrelevant and straight up bananas.”
“You did everything right; however, stop engaging with your cousin.”
“It’s clear she has an axe to grind with you and is using this incident as her excuse.”
“Nothing you say is going to change that for her.”
“Drop the rope and protect your peace.” ~ Reasonable-Bad-769
“Based on what you’ve written, NTA. But you said yourself, there’s more to the story.”
“Given what you’ve explained, it seems somewhat irrational on that girl’s part to be so obsessed with you to the point of chasing you away from your own family’s wedding.”
“That’s somewhat unhinged, unless there’s something more to the story.”
“Summary: You were NTA at the wedding, but there might be some history in the story where you were TA, and this is the downstream consequence of that.” ~ canada11235813
“NTA. Consider how weird she has to be to not only notice that you were not at grad but to make it all about HER.”
“Makes me wonder if she was going to embarrass you at grad, then got mad you weren’t there.”
“Message your ex that his wife’s unwarranted attention makes it seem that they are obsessed with you, and that you are prepared to take the necessary steps for your health and safety.”
“Be clear that he should take this seriously and that his failure to stop his weird wife from harassing you at the wedding is equivalent to supporting her insanity.”
“Be VERY LOUD about how annoyed you are at your cousin for being HER FLYING MONKEY and allow the OPPORTUNITY for your cousin to defend her shameful words to the other people who were THERE AND KNOW BETTER.” ~ Darkhydrastar156
“NTA. Looks to me like you got trapped at the wedding and chose to make a graceful exit.”
“You were attacked by your ex-BF’s jealous wife and did your best to avoid her.”
“It’s no one’s business as to what happened in that old relationship, which seemed to fizzle because you could see he was not the guy for you.”
“Maybe his wife was so charged up about it because he’s dumped on her how bad you were to break up with him.”
“Who knows?”
“His wife sounds like she is quite immature and insecure, but that is not your problem to fix.”
“You definitely did nothing wrong here.”
“And, it appears you were very wise at 19 to move on from this guy.” ~ Realistic_Head4279
“NTA, it’s not your fault that she approached you and tried to intentionally cause drama.”
“I find it weird your cousin is saying you led him on in the first place, and somehow that justifies his wife’s behavior.”
“I read in the comments you said your cousin is friends with the wife.”
“I think it’s clear she has been telling a very different story about what happened.” ~ cozyfields
“NTA. You were dealing with an unhappy, jealous wife.”
“It was a no-win situation for you.”
“You did the smart thing by leaving.”
“If your cousin can’t understand that from apparently being good friends with the jealous wife and you telling her your side of the story, it’s time to cut contact with her.” ~ Viker2000
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
You were calm and collected.
She followed you around.
Your cousin owes you an apology.
Good Luck.