Wedding cakes are meant to represent the couple tying the knot. It doesn’t matter what other guests might think.
Redditor caprisunmei encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for ruining my sister’s wedding with the cake I got?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I, 43F have a younger sister 38F that we can call Maria. Keep in mind throughout this story that Maria is transgender (MTF), and our parents are not very accepting of her.”
“2 years ago, my sister’s now-husband, ‘Lucas’ (40M), proposed to her at a family dinner. Both of my parents said it was ‘inappropriate and should not have been done’.”
“I defended my sister, knowing that the only reason they brought this up was that she is transgender, and would not genuinely support their marriage. I had a private conversation with our parents and told them that they should try to be happy for them, and they reluctantly agreed.”
“Fast-forward two years later, December 2021, my sister’s wedding is 3 weeks away. My sister made sure that I was in charge of the cake because she knew that I would pick out something she would’ve loved.”
“Being transgender has been something that Maria made very clear. Whether it was through pins, stickers, tattoos, or clothing, she has a lot of transgender representation in her life.”
“I wanted to include this in her wedding cake, as I knew it would’ve meant a lot to her.”
“I wanted to stick to the traditional white frosting cake, so I told the cake decorator to make the inside colors the colors of the transgender flag, to add a transgender pin to the figurine on the wedding topper, and to have the frosting flowers on the outside of the cake the colors of the transgender flag.”
The cake sounds beautiful.
“All of this was done in the span of the last 6 days before Maria and Lucas’ wedding.”
“On the day of the wedding, the cake was brought out and Lucas and Maria were beyond happy when they saw it.”
“Our parents, on the other hand, weren’t.”
“In front of everyone, they told me I had ruined my sister’s wedding and should be ashamed of myself. My aunt joined in and said that I was out of line for not sticking with a traditional white cake as the rest of their family had for their weddings.”
“My sister reassured me by telling me that the cake was beautiful, but I am continuing to get hateful messages from my parents and aunt about how I completely ruined Maria and Lucas’ wedding, and me being an a**hole for trying to ‘put our business out there’.”
“I’ve been trying to defend myself, but I can’t help but think I really did do something wrong.”
“AITA for ruining my sister’s wedding with the cake I got?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“The couple’s opinion is the only opinion that matters here and it sounds like you nailed it for them.”
“On the other hand people getting passed about the color of frosting … I mean really c’mon we have more important things to worry about. If you’re gonna get offended at that then why are you at the gd wedding coz clearly you don’t support the couple.” ~ MooseChain
“Complaining that the cake wasn’t all white smacks of them wanting to side with OP’s parents while not appearing anti-trans themselves. So they complain that the cake wasn’t “traditional” as a way to avoid looking like they’re a the bad guy.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen a wedding cake without some pop of color on it since I was a kid.” ~ foxscribbles
“My brother had a batman cake and fun colorful cupcakes in addition to a small white ‘traditional’ cake and it was awesome.” ~ Forsaken_Raccoon_362
It’s not their day.
“No, clearly the way to determine if a wedding has been ruined is what the *checks story* parents and aunt of one of the couple think. It’s their day after all!”
“OP, you’re obviously NTA. You’re a f’king legend and a top sister.”
“The only people who get to decide if the wedding is ‘ruined’ is the couple themselves. And… looks like have given you the thumbs up, so sod anyone else.”
“What event is likely to be most remembered as being uncomfortable for the other guests, a cake that looks nice and pays tribute to what has clearly not been the easiest of journeys for your sister and the person that loves her, or some wound up relatives having a tantrum in the middle of the do?”
“I have nothing but love for you, your sister and her husband. Good people deserve good cake.” ~ droppedelbow
“So much this! This cake was literally tailored to exactly what the bride wanted (as evidenced by her and her husband’s reaction), anybody else’s opinion means absolutely nothing.”
“OP is by far NTA, congratulations to your sister and her husband!!! And sending OP good vibes/peace of mind, you are one awesome sister OP!” ~ Direct-Switch3072
“Doesn’t matter if they were bitching because of the colors not being white, or because of what they represented. The Bride and Groom are the people getting married, everyone else can stick their opinions in a lemon and then suck on it.” ~ BuzzardRex
“We didn’t have a topper until we checked into our hotel room. They left little bride and groom rubber ducks by the tub so we used those.” ~ EctMills
OP added an edit.
“Thank you all for giving your opinions on the situation.”
“I sent a message telling my family that if they aren’t going to be supportive of the person I love the most, I do not want them to try to contact me at all.”
“Maria, Lucas, and I have all decided to move out of state and away from our hateful family. Once again thank you for your judgment on what has happened.”
In the end, it’s just cake.
If OP’s parents and aunt are going to be so upset about something that wasn’t for them, it seems the OP has the right idea cutting them out of her life.