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Bride Weirded Out After Grieving Fiancé Includes His Late Dog’s Ashes Inside His Wedding Band

Man putting on a wedding band.
PeopleImages/Getty Images

When we lose someone close to us, we try to hold onto their memories in as many ways as we possibly can.

For many, the memories of the deceased are more than enough to keep them alive in spirit, even if they are no longer physically on this earth.

Others, however, might need a more physical reminder of their lost loved one, such as a photograph or an item or accessory with sentimental value.

Some people never ever let these leave their sight.

A recent Redditor was making the final decisions regarding her upcoming wedding

When the time came to discuss their wedding bands, the original poster (OP)’s fiancé surprised her by saying he wanted his to serve as a reminder of a lost loved one.

A very literal reminder, which put the OP somewhat ill at ease.

Wondering if she was in the wrong for feeling this way, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for not wanting my fiancé to have his dead dogs ashes in his wedding band.”

The OP explained why their fiancé’s custom-made wedding ring left them feeling more than a little uncomfortable:

“Ok so some context here, I (32 F[emale]) will be marrying a really great guy (32 M[ale]) very soon.”

“When discussing what kind of wedding band he would want he said he would like one that includes ashes of his dead dog.”

“I am very put off by this request but don’t really know how to respond or if I’m just being awful for not wanting this.”

“This dog died last year at the age of 16.”

“My fiancé and I have been together for three years, so he had this dog long before we were together.”

“When he died my fiancé was inconsolable for quite a while.”

“I comforted him through this and tried to be as empathetic as I could be.”

“However, I was not allowed to have pets as a child and so, while I do love my dog I have now, I have never lost a pet and couldn’t directly sympathize with his grief.”

“Now when it comes to the wedding band I know he loved his dog, but I really wanted his wedding band to be a symbol of our love.”

“Not the love he had/has for his dog.”

“He also says things like what he loves most in the world is this dog.”

“He’s said even more than he loves me.”

“I’m all for loving your pet and animals, but this feels a bit over the top and obsessive.”

“Also, a bit creepy.”

“But maybe I just don’t understand because I don’t have experience with the death of a pet.”

“I even tried suggesting we get the ashes in something else that he has every day like a necklace or a keychain and save the wedding band as something between us.”

“He said ‘ok’ to that suggestion but had a sad tone and drawn facial expression.”

“It killed me to see him disappointed so I just gave in and ordered the ring with the ashes in it.”

“It recently arrived, and I hate it.”

“It creeps me out every time I look at it.”

“To me it doesn’t symbolize our love or marriage at all.”

“It’s about his dog.”

“AITA for feeling this way? What should I do?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

The Reddit community was somewhat divided on whether or not the OP was the a**hole for being weirded out by her fiancé including his dog’s ashes in his wedding band:

Some felt that the OP did the right thing by speaking up about her discomfort and was right in feeling that his wedding ring should symbolize their union, and her fiancé could commemorate his dog in another way:


“You need to be a grown-up and stand up for how you feel.”

“Listen- my 18+ year old dog died when I was 8.5 months pregnant.”

“I was bereft.”

“My husband debated taking me to the ER; I was so undone.”

“What I’m sayin’ is- I get his grief.”

“I think his request is unhinged.”

“He can wear his dog band in his right hand.”

“His wedding band is a symbol of the union of you and him.”


“Dog stays out of it.”

“Gird yer loins, and tell him how you feel.”

“You can do it!”- Lazy_Lobster159


“That’s weird and unhealthy AF.”

“He’s marrying you, not his dead dog.”

“A separate piece of jewelry with the ashes would’ve been appropriate, but a wedding band?”

“Wedding bands are supposed to represent the love for your spouse, and now his is forever tainted with his dead dog’s remains.”

“Also, I can’t fathom telling my future spouse that I love a pet more than I love them, a person who I’ll spend the rest of my life with.”

“It’s not a good sign, OP.”- sapphic_shenanigans


“I loved my cat more than I loved my partner and would have never done that to her.”

“But ok, they were different kinds of love and, because of that, I agree that having separate items for each loved one would be the best.”

“Now, I don’t have enough context nor do I know your fiancé at all to support the next statement but it would be a good idea to analyze if it is really about grieving the dog companion or if it is to send the message that you’re not as good as the dog and make you feel bad or put you ‘in your place’.”

“Because if so, you shouldn’t be in a relationship where they want to make you feel inferior and manipulate you like that.”

“However, if it is really just about coping with the loss of the pet, then think it’s just a ring and what really matters is what you feel for each other.”- competitive-griever

Others, however, felt the OP was being insensitive to her fiancé’s grief and should have let her fiancé remember his dog however he saw fit:


“How does his love for his dog actually threaten you?”- Mintcrisp

“Are you the kind of person that would poke a hornet’s nest and then be surprised they are annoyed?”

“Like seriously, he agreed to the compromise, and then you did it anyway.”

“Stop whining about it.”

“You made the choice, and now you can deal with the consequences.”

“YTA because you caused your own problem.”

“For Christ sake, see a therapist because being a people pleaser is one thing, but being a people pleaser who then whines about the people pleasing they chose to do is another issue entirely.”-Awkward_Un1corn

While a few felt that no one was at fault, feeling the OP was justified for being weirded out, but understanding the OP’s desire to want to include his dog’s ashes in his ring:


“I can see where both of you are coming from.”

“This dog clearly meant the world to him and was his companion for most of his life.”

“I think giving him the ring with the dog’s ashes is a way for you to show him that you care about the things he cares about.”

“You said in one of your comments that he is a kind, loving, supportive partner.”

“This is your way of reciprocating and showing appreciation for that, even if you don’t completely agree with it or understand why it’s such a big deal to him.”

“It can still be a symbol of your love for each other.”

“It can show him that you love him enough to do this for him, even if you don’t really get it.”

“It’s important to him, so it’s a way to show him its importantto you as well, because of how much you love him.”

“Either way, I don’t think this is as big of a red flag as some people are making it out to be, and 100% do not believe you should end your relationship over this.”

“He cares about you, but he is still grieving, and grief can make you weird sometimes.”

“Just remember there may come a time in your life when something causes you great pain, and you would hope your life partner will do whatever they can to be supportive and ease your pain/give you comfort in whatever way he can, even if he doesn’t quite understand or agree with it.”-randomness7262

It’s not unfair to expect a wedding band to symbolize the union of you and your partner and nothing else.

That being said, no one should feel ashamed for wanting to honor their lost pet in a significant way.

Hopefully, the OP will come to realize that she needn’t feel threatened by the OP’s love of his dead dog.

That being said, it was probably all for the best that she honestly told him how she felt about that decision.

Honesty is always the benchmark of a healthy marriage.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.