Expectations at a wedding are high. For many, it’s supposed to be the greatest day of their life. It’s understandable they want it to be grand.
A Redditor explains the expectation a friend put her under. The original poster (OP) is trying to be a good friend and show up for her friend’s wedding. But things go sideways when she gets the invitation.
OP feels called out, and isn’t sure if she’s wrong for her normal way of dressing for weddings. So she decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about what happened.
OP’s friend doesn’t like what OP wears to weddings.
“AITA for wearing the same dress to all my friend’s wedding?”
How upset is OP’s friend?
“I live in Canada now with my husband but went to grade school in the states. So all my clothes are for cold weather only and I only have a small amount of dresses, skirts, warm weather attire.”
“Most of my friends are in the states (California) and when I’m there I rotate 3 dresses (a black one, blue one and one for the holidays) and a couple of shorts.”
“So I’ve worn the same blue dress for all my friend’s weddings and in the latest one I got an invite to my friend’s wedding with the message, ‘don’t you dare wear that same blue dress’.”
“I’ve been teased by my friends about wearing the same thing. I also think the culture in California is to have a large wardrobe since a I’ve never seen my friends wear the same thing twice (not that I’m that observant) while I only have a small wardrobe and most of my clothes are for function and work (I’m a civil engineer) rather than parties since I only go out a few times a year and it’s too cold for dresses normally.”
“AItA for wearing the same dress to all my friend’s wedding and do I have to buy a new dress for my friend’s wedding when she specifically said I can’t wear the same one?”
“It’s not in bad shape it’s only been worn a dozen times.”
OP thinks her choice of outfits is utilitarian. She doesn’t have a lot of reason to have lighter outfits when she lives somewhere cold, so a nice blue dress is her standard for visiting the states.
But should she change it up for once?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for wearing the same dress to her friends’ weddings by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While it’s understandable that someone would want their wedding to be perfect, there are limits to what you can ask someone else. OP’s dress seems nice enough, and asking her to buy something she’s only going to wear once may be too much.
OP isn’t wrong to not want to buy a new dress for the wedding.
“NTA RSVP no. And write ‘I don’t have the budget for a dress and a gift. You choose and contact me.’” – Incognitoacon
“NTA”
“Go back and ask her if she expect the men to all wear new Tuxedo’s or suits.”
“Actually on a broader note. This wedding is going to be expensive for you.”
“You will have to fly to California arrange accommodation it’s pretty cheeky entitled to ask someone who is already spending a ton of money to be there on your big day for you to go out and buy something specific for your wedding.”
“Scrub asking her about the men and their tuxedos send her pictures of your outfits including work and ask her to pick one maybe put the airline tickets in shot…see if she is brave enough to demand you go shopping. If you do have to I would get a woman’s tux and wear it every single time.” – Whitestauton
“Definitely NTA. I hate when people care this much about what guests wear to a wedding.”
“Are the couples whose weddings you wore the dress at still married? If so, tell them the dress is lucky & you’re just doing them a favor, lol.” – thebellferrel
“Totally NTA. I would wear it just because the friend said not to.”
“But a lightweight scarf or a different accessory can make a big difference and make it look like a different dress altogether. Or you could go to a thrift store and find another dress.”
“But don’t stress about it and DON’T buy a new, expensive dress that you don’t want/ won’t wear again just because your friend said that. Tell your friend your dress would be sad if it didn’t get to go to her wedding, too.” – Kate_Sutton
“I’m assuming you paid for the plane tickets to fly to CA for those weddings? They really have some nerve to ask you to pay for a new dress that’ll get worn only a few times on top of that.”
“Real friends would be glad to see you no matter what you wear. As long as the dress is nice and not white, it shouldn’t matter.”
“I think it’s time to re-evaluate those friendships. People change and might not be on the same wavelength anymore after some years. NTA,btw.” – Tribbles_Trouble
“NTA People getting married forget it’s an expense for guests- $50-100 for a new dress, a gift, a shower gift, hotel/travel sometimes.”
“If they are a real friend, they shouldn’t care what you’re wearing- just that you’re there (of course if the dress is appropriate).”
“And the bride/groom that would care about you being an outfit repeater should really think about why they’re having a wedding in the first place.” – lysssm1
While it’s true that OP shouldn’t have to buy a new dress, why would she have to buy a new dress? The bride’s request aside, the explanation OP gives for not having more dresses is she lives in Canada, and it’s too cold to have many dresses.
Some of the commenters found this strange. They live in Canada and there’s plenty of reason to have more dresses.
Maybe OP just doesn’t want to have many dresses, but where she lives shouldn’t be an issue.
“NTA wear what you want. Maybe try to change it up with a colourful scarf or something, if you want, but you’re not required to, and you certainly don’t have to get a new dress.”
“But I’m also in Canada, and I have a bunch of dresses (winter ones, summer ones, spring or fall ones). You don’t have dresses because you don’t want or need them, which is fine, not because of where you live.” – jaccajjaccaj
“Right? I mean, obviously she’s NTA, because no one is required to have more clothes than they want to, but I’ve lived in Canada my entire life and this seems so odd to me.”
“People don’t have more or fewer clothes than anyone in the States as a function of culture (many of my friends are American and I’ve spent extensive amounts of time in the U.S.), and furthermore, in most of Canada other than way up North, it gets REALLY HOT in the summer now.”
“Heck, in my city it got hotter than Austin, TX last summer several times!!” – FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“YTA, although mildly so. Canada isn’t Antarctica.”
“I live in Canada too and own more dresses than regular clothes. Obviously Canada is huge but I’m willing to bet if you lived very far north you would have mentioned that. Canada still has summer.”
“You don’t like dresses and that’s perfectly fine. You can go wearing appropriate pants, top and blazer or something. No one said you had to wear a dress.”
“If your friend asked you not to wear the same dress that has already shown up in everyone else’s wedding pictures then it would be a dick move to wear it. If it was a normal party that would be different, but this is a wedding which inherently has more social customs.”
“Pick your battles if you want to maintain your friendships. I’d say a new dress for a friend’s wedding isn’t really the hill to die on. Hit up a thrift shop if you want to spend less.”
“Don’t use Canada as an excuse.” – Talvana
“I agree. NTA, but the fact that op is making a big deal out of this is a bit weird. She’s acting like she would be buying a new dress just for the wedding and and wearing it once, which clearly she wouldn’t.”
“I have a small closet too, but I feel like 2-4 special occasion outfits is enough to not have anyone notice. Just rotate them.”
“And as people pointed out, you can get pretty nice stuff for cheap if you thrift. Also, not sure what marketplace apps you guys have up there, but sometimes people list things for free.”
“I’ve definitely given away clothes through OfferUp” – emmeline_gb
While the bride requesting you wear something specific is not unheard of, she should be ready to pay for it if that’s the case. And OP can have few dresses and not blame her locale.