Redditor Jumpy-Mud32 is a 25-year-old gay man who is from a conservative, White family.
When he realized his sexual identity at a young age, he claimed his parents didn’t seem to mind.
But when he started dating the man who eventually became his husband, the parents had issues that later led to family drama.
When a recent phone call resulted in the Redditor suddenly hanging up on his parents, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not telling my parents I got married and not inviting them to my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained how he came to abruptly end the phone conversation with his folks.
“I come from a really wealthy really white and traditional family( think Beverly Hills, private schools, connections etc).”
“Oddly enough my parents didn’t care to much when they found out I was gay when I was 13.”
“They did though expect me to find the ‘right Beau’ meaning rich and connected. ( they pretty much hand picked my older sister’s boyfriend’s ,her husband included, though my older brother got more leniency) They constantly tried to set me up with every eligible openly queer kid in our circles.”
“So you imagine how they didn’t care to much for my now husband Dante (26 Male) the afro-latino scholarship kid (who I’d been secretly dating since sophomore year) that I brought home my senior year of high school.”
“They were livid and basically threatened to cut me off if I don’t break up with Dante and constantly make off color remarks about him.”
“The hardest thing I ever did was telling them to shove it and I moved out. Dante’s family let me stay with them the remainder of my senior year and both me and Dante got jobs and we both went to a community college and then went to a 4 yr after moving in together.”
“Even though my parents cutt me off financially they’d still check in with me in their own way or they’d ask about me through my older siblings and I’m still somewhat in contact with them.”
“We’ll me and Dante got married last year and we only invited our friends, his family, and my brother and sister as they’re the only ones in my family who accept Dante.”
“I specifically didn’t invite my parents and asked that they not be informed because I knew either they wouldn’t come anyways or they’d make a scene or find some other way to ruin it.
“Apparently my BIL let it slip to my parents that me and Dante are married over the weekend and so Tuesday I get this angry call from my parents about how they’re upset that I wouldn’t invite them to my wedding and that I spit in their faces by not even telling them about it and that they were so hurt.”
“I reminded them about how they treated Dante and the things they said about him and how they cut me off for dating him. They then said Dante wasn’t good enough for me and they only wanted the best for me which pissed me off and I just hung up and have been ignoring thier calls.”
“My older brother thinks I’m being too hard on them and that I should have at least told them and I’ve gotten calls from other family saying that I should be ashamed of treating my parents like that. AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors said the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA, parents sound more upset about not getting to control the aspect of who you marry rather than not being invited. Sucks for them but you’ve got your family to worry about now.” – lunaquartzbat
“NTA. My wife, who is Indian, told me a story once where her cousin came out as gay, and his ‘progressive’ mom basically said as long as he doesn’t marry a black guy it’s okay. This story reminded me of that.”
“Once your parents cut you off for your partner choice, they cut themselves off from relationship updates. If they’re too dense to understand how that’s a two way street, then idk what to say.”
“Sucks to be them? Guess they can die mad at it?” – urbanworldbuilder
“The fact they are not coming off their high horse claiming Dante isn’t good enough for you still means they aren’t ready to to have a relationship with the two of you. Hold out and set clear conditions for them to be part of your combined life.”
“As far as how you treated them over your wedding? They are the only people responsible for that, don’t let family push any of the blame off on you. NTA.” – Remdog58
“NTA in the slightest. Your parents have no right to be upset they didn’t get invited to your wedding when they’ve been nothing but unsupportive of your sexuality and your partner.”
“You shouldn’t feel ashamed of treating your parents like that, they should feel ashamed of treating their son like this.” – CaitieLou_52
“NTA. From what you have said, you didn’t do anything mean or rude, didn’t insult anyone or hurt anyone intentionally, you just did what was best for you and your life. Sounds like you accepted your parents financially abandoning you without a fuss or sense of entitlement, too.”
“They made their bed but they don’t want to lie in it. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your husband.”
“They’ve got the money, you’ve got the class.” – BeepBopBippityBop
“NTA. Your wedding, your day, your life. They chose the hill they wanted to die on, you chose love. Stick with Dante, he has your back, where the parents just want to stick pointy sharp kitchen utensils in it.”
“You and your husband have been through a lot, kudos on getting married! I’m glad his parents let you stay, they sound like awesome in-laws!” – OldHatefulsDawta
Overall, Redditors believed the OP had every right for his special day to be surrounded by people who actually support the loving couple.