When marriages crumble, the effects can be long-lasting.
Children, no matter the age, can carry pain from divorce forever.
It can be especially difficult when fault can be validly placed on one of the partners.
And when parents remarry, it’s not always the most joyful occasion.
In fact, another marriage can make everything even more awkward.
Redditor Successful_Pair1753 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not wanting to go to my dad’s wedding since he’s marrying the woman he cheated on my mom with?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (29 M[ale]) dad was married to my mom for about 30 years.”
“He wasn’t the best husband at all.”
“He had a pattern of cheating and being extremely disrespectful throughout their entire relationship.”
“I’m glad they got a divorce because they were never good together.”
“Mainly, he wasn’t good to her.”
“I normally wouldn’t care about him getting married again, but he’s literally getting married to the last woman that he cheated on my mom with.”
“This woman also has the same name as my mom… I don’t even know what I will refer to her as.”
“I still haven’t met her and don’t feel like I want to.”
“My siblings have told him that they’re not going to the wedding.”
“I’ve avoided the convo with him for the most part, but he recently asked me to be a part of the wedding… just odd. Very, very odd.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for not wanting to go?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He is most likely struggling to explain why none of his children wants anything to do with him.”
“Let him continue this struggle.” ~ redd-junkie
“Exactly, asking you to be in the wedding is probably trying to compensate for his other kids being absent.”
“He has the relationship with his kids that he created, NTA.” ~ SafetyFluid8535
“NTA. A wedding invitation is not a summons, and you’re under no obligation to support someone who clearly hurt the people you care about.” ~ nikkesen
“NTA — I wouldn’t want to participate in a wedding with my dad marrying someone he cheated with outside his marriage.”
“Infidelity.” ~ myst3ryAURORA_green
“NTA. You have no obligation to support your father in this.”
“If you’re uncomfortable, don’t go.”
“You’re grown.”
“Do what feels right for you.”
“It might get weird because you’re the last of his children to decline to be a part of his wedding.”
“He might be more upset with you simply because you were his last hope of legitimizing his affair by being at the wedding.” ~ Lopsided_Tomatillo27
“Someone has to be last.”
“Stuff this cheating A-hole and let him get married alone with no support from his family because frankly it sounds like he doesn’t deserve the support.” ~ Sythian
“NTA, tell Dad you’re busy, but you’ll be sure to catch the next wedding!”
“Of course, the woman he cheated with, he will cheat on.”
“And she won’t be able to understand!” ~ RemoteViewingLife
“NTA. If he presses the issue, tell him, ‘Why should we show your wedding any respect?'”
“‘You didn’t even show any respect to your own marriage with mom.’” ~ Revo63
“NTA. I wouldn’t go in this situation.”
“My dad had a 6-month-long affair with his former high school sweetheart.”
“They both married someone else, raised families.”
“Her husband eventually divorced her, so she sought out my dad.”
“My mom discovered the affair (a whole other story), and they divorced after 20 years of marriage.”
“He never talked to any of us kids – we were all upper teens at the time.”
“He just disappeared.”
“Flash forward about a year later, and he calls to invite me to dinner.”
“Wary, I asked who would be there.”
“He named himself, my siblings, and finally added ‘Jane.'”
“Acting innocent, I asked who is Jane?'”
“I actually knew because my cousin had filled me in.”
“I wanted him to have to say her name.”
“After a lot of stammering, he finally admitted she was his girlfriend.”
“I went off on him, telling what a coward he was, not even bothering to talk to any of us kids when he moved out, cheating on our mom, etc.”
“After I was done with my rant, I told him, ‘This is the last time I will ever bring up your infidelity.'”
“You’d better treat Mom well in the divorce.”
“He and Jane got married shortly after.”
“I never called her my stepmother.”
“She was my dad’s wife.”
“I was always cordial towards her, but not close.”
“They ended up being married longer than my parents were and were good together.”
“I lost respect for my dad, but ended up having a decent relationship with him.”
“I’m glad I spoke my mind and made him admit what he’d done.”
“Many years later, my mom was very sick, and we were helping her financially.”
“My dad gifted her a large sum of money to help her.”
“I never expected that, but was pleased that he did.”
“My dad and his wife passed away just a few months apart.”
“I’m sorry you are faced with this.”
“There is no reason for you to celebrate this relationship.”
“But over time, I hope you can find a good place to exist in it.” ~ Technograndma
“Wow, thank you for sharing your story.”
“It’s a great example of how complex these types of incidents can be, particularly navigating and moving forward when such betrayals occur.”
“I hope things turned out well for your Mom as well and she found her own peace and happiness.” ~ Ok-Acanthaceae5744
“NTA. I would tell him that she will never be in the same room with you, and he needs to accept that.” ~ gloryhokinetic
“Nope. It’s called ethics.”
“You have some.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Also, 75% of affairs end in divorce.”
“Very difficult if you don’t only know your partner cheated but did it many times.”
“So stats say this will probably not last.”
“Tell him you have a prior engagement.”
“Then take your mom out on a splurge day.”
“Gift card to get her hair and nails done (because that has eroded her femininity for decades), then fancy dinner… whatever makes her happy and lasts for hours.”
“Not only are you avoiding this situation with your dad, but you are honoring the person who deserves it on a day she will most likely have lots of strong emotions.” ~ jillblue22
“LOL… absolutely not.”
“He wants you to go so it looks like his children have accepted this obscenity.”
“I don’t care how old or young I am, you’re not going to disrespect my mama, cheat on her after she put up with your bulls**t for 3 decades, raised your children, cleaned your fu**ing sh*t off the toilet, took care of you while you were ill, washed your nasty drawers and generally built a life for you to enjoy and then expect me to attend the wedding of the homewrecker you found to replace her with.”
“And to be clear, he’s a homewrecker too.”
“I don’t care that the home was already wrecked and should’ve already been torn down.”
“Absolutely the fu**ity f**k not. NTA.” ~ HuhWelliNever
“Tell him you’ll consider going to his next wedding to an affair partner if your schedule allows, but that you’ll sit this one out.”
“But for real, you can simply decline and leave it at that. NTA.” ~ paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA. Don’t go, if it’s causing you this much grief.”
“Just know that the wife isn’t going away (at least no time soon) and that ginormous elephant of unresolved trauma is still going to be in the room whether or not you attend.” ~ Nuiwzgrrl1448
“NTA not at all!!!!”
“If you don’t feel like going, absolutely do not go.”
“Personally, I would not choose to be a part of the wedding either.”
“I think that’s a really low blow on his part to even ask that of you.”
“This is not a day for you.”
“It shouldn’t be a day for them either.”
“Maybe you can do something with your mom on this day.”
“Go out together and don’t talk about the wedding.”
“Just have a nice, relaxing day out.”
“Get some coffee, go shopping, go out for lunch, go bowling, do something.” ~ Firefly_Magic
“There’s not a chance in hell I would show my face at that wedding.”
“You and your siblings should spend the day with your mom celebrating the fact that he’s not her problem anymore. NTA.” ~ Wonderful_Horror7315
“I am in an extremely similar situation to you, almost eerily similar in the details–parents’ 30-year marriage, him cheating the entire marriage, and now wanting to marry the latest of his mistresses.”
“It is an incredibly tricky thing to navigate.”
“I think some of the other commenters on here haven’t been in this situation before and don’t understand how confusing and painful it is.”
‘This isn’t just a divorce; this is a situation that has caused deep hurt for the entire family. “
“Yes, you value your relationship with your father, but you cannot ignore the havoc that he has wreaked on your mother.”
“The ultimate truth of the matter is that there is no right choice, but a choice must still be made.”
“In the end, I decided that I would not be able to stomach putting on a dress and plastering a smile on my face at an event that celebrates a relationship I see as truly deplorable.”
“I will wish him congratulations, maybe even send a card, but I will not be present for the wedding.”
“NTA, and good luck, OP.”
“Whatever you decide, please know that you are not a villain.” ~ w0rldwalker
“NAH. I mean, your dad’s obviously TA for how he treated your mom, but he’s not TA for inviting you to the wedding or asking you to be part of the wedding.”
“You’re not TA for wanting to avoid the wedding entirely.”
“You do need to make a decision and communicate quickly, though.” ~ ColdFIREBaker
Reddit understands your feelings, OP.
You have every right not attend this wedding.
Your relationship with your dad is fractured, by his own doing.
He is just going to have to understand that.
Good Luck.