“My house, my rules.”
An age-old saying we’ll all likely hear over and over again.
Something we all need to remind ourselves when we are a guest in someone’s house.
Frustrating though it may sometimes be, most people do their best to follow the house rules of the home they’re in.
On rare occasions, however, some people simply will not abide by them.
Redditor Beautiful_Cow16 recently held a gathering in her apartment.
At this gathering, one of the original poster’s (OP) friends flatly refused to follow.
Eventually resulting in the OP sharing some choice words with this friend.
After being called “discriminatory” by a friend for her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for apparently being a shoe dictator?”
The OP explained why she lost her temper with a friend during a gathering in her apartment:
“So I (24, F[emale]) am a pretty tidy person and care about cleanliness.”
“I have a lot of allergies, like dust, dustmites, cats, pollen etc.”
“You name it, I probably have it.”
“So I have a lot of rules, for example that you have to take of your shoes when entering my flat.”
“My roomie (23, F) is supportive, but I think that’s also because she hates drama and tries to avoid it at any cost.”
“I know that I sometimes can become pretty controlling when it’s something regarding tidiness and it’s something I’m trying to work on.”
“But this story irks me the wrong way.”
“So like I said I have a rule regarding shoes in my/our home.”
“I even have a cute sign at the entrance and provide slippers as well as a shoe rack to be as accommodating as possible.”
“One of my friends (23 M[ale]) criticized the rule the first time he entered our flat.”
“Something along the lines of: ‘Wow, fancy house rule now’.”
“It bothered me, but I stayed polite since he took off his shoes.”
“But during the second gathering, my friend refused and kept his shoes on.”
“He claimed ‘a real host wouldn’t police footwear’.”
“He then explained that it was a cultural thing.”
“Wearing the shoes he wore that day (they were special to be honest) was part of his cultural identity.”
“I asked him a second time.”
“He still refused to do it and said I shouldn’t be a party pooper and just let it be.”
“He then entered my roommate’s room and said I couldn’t say anything because this wasn’t my room, and closed her door.”
“I just cleaned up the floor to be safe and returned to my home to keep preparing the shindig for later that day.”
“When the party started, he entered my room still with his shoes on, even going as far as putting them on my couch when sitting down, which in my eyes was toddler behavior.”
“So I just imploded.”
“I yelled at him and told him to leave my room and the party immediately.”
“A lot of my friends told me that what I did was discriminatory.”
“That made me feel really bad.”
“I contacted him again.”
“But he still hasn’t answered.”
“Saying he needed time.”
“I feel like an OCD A**hole to be honest.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**Hole for snapping at their friend.
Everyone agreed that it was one thing for the OP to refuse to take off his shoes, but for him to deliberately put his shoes on her furniture was, as the OP said, toddler-like behavior.
“NTA.”
“Your house, your rules.”
“In some parts of the world, it’s perfectly common to take off your shoes or at least ask ‘Hey, should I take them off?'”
“I didn’t even see that he put his shoes on the furniture.”
“That is such an a-hole move.”
“He’s like a petulant child.”- Kathihtak
“It is indeed a cultural thing.”
“Plenty of cultures have a ‘shoes-off’ rule (not just people who have bad allergies).”
“Some have a ‘feet are obscene’ rule, or at least a less-prudish sense that ‘taking your shoes off at someone else’s house is weird and uncomfortable’.”
“But almost everybody has (or should have) a ‘respect your host’ rule, which means you are NTA in this scenario, quite apart from the legitimate health reasons you have such a rule in place.”- Ippus_21
“Absolutely NTA.”
“F*ck that ‘friend’.”
“It was an AH move of his to walk into your room and PUT HIS FEET UP on your couch (WTAF?!?!?!).”- mineforever286
“That boy went out of his way to disrespect you in your own home yet you’re the problem?”
“Absolutely NTA, he’s not your friend, stop trying to reach out to him.”
“And don’t invite him back to your home.”- curlyhairweirdo
“‘Cultural thing’ to disrespect the owner’s wishes?”
“Wtf?”
“NTA.”
“Your home.”
“Your rules.”
“And placing shoes on furniture is nothing less than a middle finger – I’d be pissed too.”- prb123reddit
“NTA, he was baiting you.”
“He clearly knew what he was doing before he even came over.”
“He wanted a confrontation and got it.”
“I personally would tell the roommate he is no longer welcome if he can’t respect you or your boundaries.”
“Many people have a no-shoes policy for their home for various reasons.”
“For some, it’s even cultural.”
“As a guest, it’s upon us to respect the host.”
“As a host, you have done a lot to accommodate your guests with options that meet your request.”-Spyderhawk69
“NTA but he is, wow what an a**hole.”
“That’s some advanced BS.”
“Billions of people the world over remove their shoes upon entering a home because outside is gross but inside is clean, this man isn’t special, just an a**.”- therealruin
“NTA.”
“He needs to take his f*cking shoes off.”- EffableFornent
“NTA.”
“Even if people feel weird about taking shoes off at a party… he put his shoes on your couch!”
“I don’t know of any culture where that’s acceptable behavior.”- Equivalent-Moose2886
“NTA.”
“Your place, your rules.”
“Dude is a prick, and should not be invited back anyway.”- MakalakaPeaka
“Unless they were orthopaedic shoes that he needed to assist him in walking, he’s being a prick, and you did nothing discriminatory.”
“NTA, clean slippers would cover him with any cultural issues about bare feet.”- Angelf1shing
“NTA.”
“I don’t allow outdoor shoes in my house.”
“I don’t want years of dirt and germs and fecal matter and food and bugs and bits from the street inside my home.”
“It is completely reasonable not to want dirty shoes all over your home.”
“He put his shoes up on your couch?”
“In your bedroom?”
“That would be the end of the friendship for me.”
“What a blatant and childish display of disrespect for a person.”- lovewholly
“Sounds like your friends have no idea what the word discriminatory means.”
“NTA kicking out a bad house guest who is disrespecting you is the right thing to do.”- disasterbee
“NTA.”
“I legit don’t care what ‘culture’ requires you wear your special shoes all day, but ANYONE who puts their shoes on my couch is lucky if all they’re catching are some harsh words.”
“Especially since this person knows about your rules already, they were just pushing buttons.”
“People like to scream discrimination or pull some form of victim card too much these days, so I’ve personally stopped respecting any of it because sadly most of the folks crying wolf are the types who do it to excuse their own shitty behavior and the only way they can is to try and deflect it onto someone else.”
“You are entirely within your rights as a human being to say ‘I don’t want shoes on in my house’ which is a normal thing across the majority of the world that has floors.”
“Your ‘friend’ pushed your very simple and easy to follow boundaries and tried to make up a reason why they could do whatever they wanted (first it was not being in your room then its the bullshit of special shoes and culture.)”
“They’re just a AH and you now know you can’t have them in your home because they’ve shown they do not respect you in any way.”- OddDc-ed
“In the country where I live (NZ) it is a cultural norm to remove shoes before entering anyone’s home. Refusing to do so – well – it just wouldn’t be done.”
“So with that bias, you’re home, your reasonable rules (I presume you don’t have broken glass scattered on the floor).”
“Your guest putting his shoes up on the coach is outrageous in American or any other culture I am aware of.”
“He was being an a**hole so you tossed him out.”
“Well done.”
“NTA.”- Waste_Worker6122
It’s a bit hard to imagine the OP’s friend hasn’t gone to at least one home where he wasn’t asked to take off his shoes before entering.
Nor does it seem like he was trying to be anything other than malicious when he entered the OP’s room and put his shoes on her sofa.
Even if the OP could have responded more calmly, calling her discriminatory is a stretch, to say the least.