A woman has a teen sister-in-law who makes unannounced visits to the house she and her husband recently bought. There was only so much the woman could do since the SIL had a hard time taking “no” for an answer.
When an incident seemingly out of karma occurred during the SIL’s recent visit, the woman struggled with guilt, which led her to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redditor Educational-Rest4256 asked:
“AITAH for accidentally letting my sister in law get chemical burns on her face?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (26 M[ale]) and I (26 F[female]) bought our first home 7 months ago. His younger sister (16 F[female]), who just got her license, frequently shows up unannounced and has trouble taking ‘no’ for an answer.”
“Last Friday, she came over after dinner and asked to stay the night. We agreed since we had no plans. She asked to shower, so we let her use ours, as our guest bathroom isn’t stocked yet.”
“I splurge on salon-quality haircare products because my hair is unruly, and my $27 shampoo bottle was brand new. Later, I found half the shampoo and nearly all the conditioner gone, along with my skincare scattered across the counter.”
“She’d used almost $50 worth of hair products, and all of my skin stuff including my prescription skincare stored in a pharmacy bag.”
The OP continued:
“I asked her to bring her own products next time, as I wasn’t comfortable with how much she used. I was in no way rude. I just explained that I splurge on really expensive products and can’t afford to have 50+ dollars of product gone every time she showers here.”
“She called me selfish in a passive-aggressive way and ended up leaving.”
“By Tuesday, her skin was red, peeling, and breaking out terribly. At dinner with my in-laws on Tuesday, she blamed me for not warning her about my skincare. I explained I hadn’t expected her to dig through my drawers and use prescription products, which are expensive and took my skin weeks to adjust to.”
“My Father in Law said I should pay for a doctor’s visit, but my husband refused, arguing that at 16, she should know better and that it was inappropriate for her to look through my medicine bag to even find the prescription product that was likely the culprit for the irritation.”
Feeling like she had no one else to turn to, the OP asked:
“Am I at fault for not warning her? I wouldn’t go through someone’s personal products, let alone use their stuff like it was my own. I would’ve been happy to share some skin products, not my prescription cream.”
“She also brought up that I got mad. She used so much shampoo and conditioner, and it basically made me look really bad in front of my in-laws.”
“Admittedly, I was upset about the shampoo and conditioner and the fact that she left a huge mess on the counter, but I was very calm and just explained the money was tight as we had just bought our house, and I didn’t want her to use months of products in one shower. Anyways, let me know what you all think?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA It’s dangerous to use someone’s prescription medication. Why was she messing around with your medicine period. Keep repeating this to your in-laws. I hope she’s not messing with other people’s medicine too.” – Radiant_Humor5110
“Yep! I am assuming she’s heard of the particular product I have, and I am hoping that is why she used it. She was super into the skincare craze a while ago.”
“I am upset but not surprised that she looked through all of our stuff. She would love to find something she could try to embarrass me with, but she should have learned over the years it hasn’t worked on me lol.” – OP
“At 16 she KNOWS not to rando take other people’s prescription meds. The consequence is exactly that. And everyone should hope she really internalizes this lesson. It could have been some friend’s painkiller prescription or Aderall.”
“Her parents should totally be using this as a teaching moment. They should also be concerned about why she felt she could do this. Bummer about your hair products. Awesome, you’re calm about it. Sounds like she needs cool supportive adults who set boundaries in her life.” – ATheeStallion
“Well, the next time she tries to embarrass, tell people about this visit, stating how she helped herself to your prescription medication like a little thief and came out with major skin burns because she’s incapable of asking, using a reasonable amount, or reading labels and following instructions.”
“Bring it up every time. This is who she is.”
“It might make her change. Your ILs need to become better parents and discipline her for her thievery.” – Bluebell2519
The OP came back with some context.
“She has made little comments or done things in the past around large groups at family gatherings and stuff that put me on the spot. She has also tried to paint me in a negative light because my husband spends more time with me than she does.”
“She has been very hot and cold towards me over the years. Sometimes she loves me, and sometimes seems like she hates me.”
“She definitely really thrives off attention and I think it bothers her that my husband gives me a lot more attention than her. When she was in her tween and early teen years it was a lot of small stuff happening pretty frequently.”
“Like if I brought food to Christmas, she’d suddenly not like it when everyone else loved it. Or she would complain about presents I bought her etc. just stuff like that makes me think she’d love to bring up my birth control pills or something in front of her entire family.”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“I would’ve outright told her parents that, considering she used $50 worth of personal product without permission ON TOP OF stealing prescription medication, they should feel relieved that I’m considering calling it even instead of reporting the medical theft to the police, and that they should be counting their blessings that my dermatologist isn’t requiring a police report to renew the prescription early.” –PenguinZombie321
“NTA. She is old enough to read the label and see that the cream is a prescription. Definitely need to set boundaries here with her.” – compassrunner
“Yeah she needs to not be invited over anymore. Actions have consequences. It’s impossible to use half a bottle of shampoo doing anything normal in a shower. She basically squirted it down the drain. That isn’t an accident.”
“Digging through your medications also isn’t an accident. Leaving a mess isn’t an accident. And the nerve to ask YOU to pay to fix it afterward? Tbh I don’t think you’re angry enough. This was aggressively terrible behavior on her part.” – babyredhead
“Yeah, she f’ked around and found out like an idiot. Plus, she majorly wasted a lot of hair and skin products like a twat. I’m surprised OP didn’t make her pay for the products SHE wasted. NTA.”
“I feel like there should be more consequences, but the 16-year-old already sounds like her face is melting off.” – NoSatisfaction6_6
“I for sure would have made her or her parents pay for it. HOW does someone use that much shampoo and conditioner in one shower?! I know I use way too much shampoo when I wash my hair and my large bottle lasts a month or more, if I get the smaller size it’ll last me about two weeks.”
“I wash my hair EVERYDAY (I know that’s not the best, but whatever) I genuinely don’t understand how you go through that much unless you’re an a**hole who’s just dumping it down the drain?” – ThatGodDamnB*tch
“That raises some darker questions: why is she looking through someone else’s prescription drugs? If you get any more pushback from your FIL or others, then bring that up with a vengeance.”
“That’s not just wasting expensing toiletries. That’s potentially a drug abuse issue – not to mention the legal problems it raises. NTA.” – AfterAd7831
“You didn’t accidentally let her do anything. She used your personal products without permission and didn’t have the sense to see that some of them were by prescription. This is 100% on her for stealing things she wasn’t offered, acting like it was her right to do so then whining when, oh no, there were actual consequences to her selfishness.”
“And where does FIL get off trying to get you to pay for her doctor’s visit to sort out what she did to herself? This whole thing is nuts. From now on, lock up all your personal products when she’s around and get better at saying no until she learns respect for other people’s things and understands that she can’t just take whatever she wants. NTA.” – forgetregret1day
While the bad chemical reaction was unfortunate, Redditors thought the SIL had it coming, considering she dug through the OP’s belongings to use the pricey skincare products.
Therefore, they believe the OP and her husband are not responsible for paying for a doctor’s visit and that the OP shouldn’t be blamed for not warning her SIL about the products that were stored away.