Some people are reluctant to accept this, but parenting can be really hard, and sometimes, parents need a little time away to be themselves when they’re not functioning as a caregiver.
But there’s a time and a place for parents to take a break, and shortly after twins were born just isn’t the best time, reasoned the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor BackgroundGarbage325 had recently gone back to work after giving birth to twin sons, and her childcare was limited, which placed most of the childcare responsibilities on her husband while he was off from teaching for most of the summer.
But when he began to demand a break from the babies and saw her as the “bad guy” for not letting him go, the Original Poster (OP) just could not see how giving her husband a break was possible in that moment.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my husband ‘no’ to taking a solo trip?”
The OP’s husband went on a trip the year before to make up for the OP’s work trips.
“I am a mom of three; I have a seven-year-old girl and eight-month-old twin boys.”
“I work a 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM corporate job. My husband is a teacher and has summers off.”
“Last summer, while I was pregnant with the twins, I let my husband go on a solo trip to the Bahamas. I travel for work, and he felt like it was unfair that I could get away so much. I let him do it last year.”
“He has also been talking about going to the World Cup Games in 2026 with my brother-in-law in Mexico, the US, and Canada, which I am supportive of because he loves soccer.”
The OP’s travel schedule changed dramatically after having the twins.
“I have not traveled for business since having the twins. I have only been back at work for six weeks and have declined two travel opportunities already because I felt it wasn’t the right time yet to do so.”
“I have no travel booked at this time, but that will change in the coming months.”
“Personally speaking, I had one girls’ weekend away since the twins and offered for my husband to have a guys weekend. I even asked my brother-in-law to reach out to him to arrange it because I felt bad that I left him with the three kids for a girls’ weekend.”
The OP’s husband was looking forward to traveling again, but the OP didn’t feel ready.
“A few days ago, he got it in his head that he wants to do another solo trip this summer because he’s off and sick of just sitting around with the babies.”
“We only have part-time care for the boys at the moment (our daughter is in full-day camp) to save money because he’s off.”
“Well, now I’m all of a sudden the bad guy because he wants to run off on another solo trip sometime in the next three weeks. I shut it down (I actually gave him the finger as my response, but I jokingly tell him to f**k off all the time, and he takes it well; it’s just something we do).”
The OP just didn’t think the timing was right for either of them to travel.
“I said no, because I’m working, we don’t have full-time child care, and it’s honestly just a lot with the three kids. He has now turned it into me being the bad guy, and now he’s furious at me.”
“As for the ‘let him’ part, it’s not about being a parent or controlling what he does; it’s about a mutual respect. That we respect each other enough to make sure the other one is comfortable, especially because we have two babies that need a lot of hands-on care and are not yet sleeping through the night.”
“I wouldn’t just plan a trip without checking in with him, and I would hope that he does the same.”
“He’s a great father and super hands-on the vast majority of the time; this is just frustrating.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that there was a huge difference between a work trip and a solo trip.
“How many solo breaks do you get?” – Possible-Tip-3544
“What the f**k, OP travels FOR WORK, and her husband is saying he is owed solo trips because his wife travels FOR FREAKING WORK?!”
“UGGHHHH. AND he gets summers off with part-time care for the twins and the oldest in school. If anything, OP is owed time off from the family.” – Forward-Two3846
“Traveling for work and getting a solo trip are not weighed the same. They might be ‘breaks’ from the four walls of home, but they are not the same.”
“She does let him go on solo trips, but a three-week trip at a time of the year when they need him to be the child care provider (and that’s just for the summer). She just got off maternity leave, so she can’t take much time off to watch them. And what she has, she needs to save for emergencies until she can build up again.”
“Daycare is expensive, and he’s not currently bringing in money, plus he will likely spend a fair chunk on the trip. And daycares don’t tend to take kids for just a week or two at a time. Could they even get the twins placed with one in time?”
“They likely have something set up to start in fall, when he goes back to work, but that doesn’t mean that the daycare will take the boys early or temporarily. He has plans for a huge trip next summer, so he needs to suck it up now, especially as OP is still transitioning back to work.” – LokiPupLovebug
“How is her traveling for WORK the equivalent of ‘away time’ for his solo trip to the mother f**king Bahamas?”
“I’d give him the finger, too. What an a**hole. NTA.” – _TheShapeOfColor_
“‘Sick of just sitting around with the babies all the time’? Well, DO something with the babies.”
“Childhood is fleeting as it is, and I can’t understand parents who want to get away from their kids. Someday, they’ll grow up and never look back if parents treat them as a burden and downer now.” – ManyWaters777
“You’ve got three kids, limited childcare, a full-time job, and he’s mad he can’t bounce for another solo vacation? It’s not summer break from responsibility.” – SenpaiSigh
“I agree with every comment I’ve read so far. My one thing to add is this: I can maybe see him being jealous of work travel and wanting to do a trip, as well.”
“But WHY did his last trip have to be a solo trip? Why would he not want to bring his wife with him?”
“Number one, I love my wife and would want to travel WITH her. Number two, it seems like it would be boring as heck to be on a trip and not have my wife with me. She’s my partner and my best friend. How is visiting a nice place without her any fun?”
“And now to want to go on another solo trip, regardless of the twins, which is a whole different issue. Why is he not spending time with his wife?”
“Also, one infant is tough enough, but two at once is over the top. I don’t get good vibes about this at all from the husband. Seems like a bigger problem than just a vacation.” – myiqqq_iq
Others were also against the idea of going on a trip when the twins were still so young.
“Eight-month-old twins? Uh, no. NTA.” – undercoverhippie
“Does he even have a suggestion for what OP should be doing with their infant children while he runs off to wherever??” – Impulsive-Ruminator
“I gave up a hobby that required lots of hiking and camping in rough areas, and didn’t take a ‘boys’ trip, for the first ten years of my kids’ lives. I couldn’t imagine dipping in the first year.” – FoxAmongTheOaks
“Honestly, this isn’t ‘real dad’ behavior to me. No way in h**l is my wife good with me taking a week vacation BY MYSELF to the Bahamas while she has to deal with three kids and work at the same time. People really do this nowadays?!” – Dalmanfsu
“If they were a little older and things were settled, maybe it would work, but this is not a good time for going on a solo trip. They are way too young for her to be taking care of them alone for days or weeks with zero reprieve.”
“Him taking care of them while she’s at work is not at all the same thing. Perhaps, they should do a family trip, or he could go on a shorter outing somewhere not far away.”
“Also… I hate to say it, but I’m suspicious that all of these trips are actually going to be solo.” – gloomywitchywhoo
“I once had eight-month-old twins, but with a six-year-old sibling. I am the dad, and I was working about 60 hours a week. My wife was a SAHM.”
“I would take PTO from time to time and do the stay-cation thing just so we could get some d**n rest. I would never think to ask for any ME time. That s**t was exhausting for both of us! I’ll say it: he is a selfish d**k. NTA.” – Rabbit-Lost
“You’re not the bad guy. Your husband already had his solitary trip last year, and now he wants another one with eight-month-old twins, and you’re working? On top of that, without full-time childcare.”
“He’s just joking. He prioritized his boredom over your exhaustion. If he wants to escape so badly, let him wait for the 2026 World Cup or hire a nanny himself. Don’t give in. Taking care of triplets is not a summer hobby.” – Thick_Pie7116
The subreddit could completely understand both of these parents needing a break and commended the benefits of taking trips, and even solo trips.
But having twins under the age of one without additional family care or child care likely was not the right time for anyone to go on a solo trip, leaving the other one without support.
It would be better to save up money for now, focus on a restorative hobby, and take a bigger and better trip when the babies are closer to toddler age.