Though this certainly isn't true for everyone, most of us would like to be in a committed relationship, if not a happy marriage, someday.
But on their quest to find the perfect partner, sometimes people get a little weird about it, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor SimilarSherbert1 had been taken aback by some of the comments her potential future sister-in-law had made at her wedding about being 'lucky' to have found a partner ready for marriage.
But when her sister-in-law stole her husband's shirt and wore it the next time they were together, the Original Poster (OP) was more weirded out than ever.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for feeling angry at my brother-in-law's girlfriend for wearing my husband's t-shirt?"
The OP's potential sister-in-law clearly wanted what she had regarding marriage.
"I'm pregnant (24 weeks)."
"My husband and I were visiting his folks in their city the past week. It was fraught with problems; they are challenging people."
"My brother-in-law (BIL) (28 Male) has been dating this woman, S (30 Female) for three years."
"At my wedding a year and a half ago, she spent all her time with me telling me how lucky I am to have 'bagged' my husband."
"I said he's certainly wonderful, but then I laughed and joked that he was the lucky one."
"She is deeply disgruntled about not being married yet and about having to wait for a proposal for this long. My husband is a lot more considerate towards his partner (me) than her boyfriend is (to her)."
"So, it does make me wonder if she's discontented, has low self-esteem and is sticking with someone even though she could do a little better for herself, and whether this is her acting out unintentionally."
The OP's husband and brother-in-law (BIL) also had a problematic relationship.
"Anyway, my BIL and husband don't talk much, so we haven't had any conversations with S ever since the wedding."
"When we visited last week, my husband, S, and I ended up sleeping at my mother-in-law's place. It's a small space, so things were tight."
"Because tensions were already high, I was on alert for any weird behavior. Well, apart from her babying my BIL around, nothing inappropriate or sexually charged happened."
Then the OP's potential sister-in-law (SIL) did something very strange.
"We returned the day before yesterday. S video-called me today. I was outside and couldn't attend it. Anyway, I find abrupt video calls feel really invasive. When I called her back, on a regular audio call, she cut it."
"She then video-called me again and, with the biggest smile on her face, yells, 'GUESS what I'm wearing!'"
"I stared stupidly at the screen and realized she was wearing my husband's t-shirt. This t-shirt means a lot to us. We met over a dating app, it's a striking t-shirt, and he was wearing it in his profile picture."
"I remember sharing this story with the in-laws once, but I can't recall if S was there and heard it."
The shirt had been available, but the OP didn't see why that justified her SIL wearing it.
"My husband left the t-shirt there to be washed after wearing it the last day we were there. It was honestly a mistake on his part."
"Like I said, the in-laws are challenging people. On our last day there, there was a huge fight at home after my BIL and husband were down a few beers. No one slept that night, and like I said, I'm pregnant. I was packed and ready to get to the airport six hours before the flight, just because I wanted to get the h**l out of that house."
"I suppose he forgot it in a hurry, or it could be that we sometimes leave clothes at our parents' homes only to pick them up the next time we're visiting."
"For one, we had been retiring this t-shirt to a 'home wear' status because it's old now and has clear signs of aging. Our folks live on the other side of the country, the travel can be hectic and we end up leaving clothes here and there, only to pick them up the next time we're there."
"Anyway, the t-shirt was sent for a wash at my in-laws. When it came back, S picked it out to wear from a pile of fresh laundry."
The OP and her husband were both bothered by the strange behavior.
"He was at work when this happened, so he wasn't there to witness the video call."
"I told him about it later. He finds it entirely insane that she'd wear his clothes. He finds it intrusive. He's never been a sharer and to date, won't share things unless it's with me."
"He's put off by it and wants to now throw the t-shirt away. He's more concerned about this incident stressing me out at this stage of my pregnancy."
"Anyways, I'm so f**king annoyed. Her boyfriend has a million clothes at his mom's place, why couldn't S just wear one of those? I find it so weird that she insisted on video-calling me whilst wearing my husband's clothes."
"Pregnancy can usher in a range of disturbances and insecurities which lead people to have strong reactions. It is also a time to ensure that strong reactions and stress are kept at bay because they can affect the development of the child and the mother's recovery."
"My question has an underlying concern: am I overreacting because of my hormones? Does this feel as icky to everyone else? Is my anger just completely unwarranted, and I'm vilifying an innocent person in another instance of a strong reaction?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that this was strange behavior toward someone else's husband.
"It feels icky to me. I never would have worn a shirt or any clothes belonging to my bil or any other person, other than my husband, without it being offered to me by the owner or their spouse. It oversteps boundaries to me." - whatever10031999
"I would just ask your BIL why is that his girlfriend was wearing a T-shirt that belongs to your husband without asking for his consent. It's not like she picked it thinking it was her boyfriend's."
"Clearly she knew it belonged to your husband and was trying to cause a stir between the two of you." - Ritocas3
"NTA. That's definitely weird behavior from S. It's understandable why you're annoyed. She seems to be trying to mark her territory and it's disrespectful to you and your relationship with your husband." - Seductive_Virginia
"It's even weirder and more sus that she insisted on calling OP about it. And not just a regular phone call a FaceTime so she can SEE her wearing the s**t."
"Why? What's her motive? ...We already know. Gross. NTA." - AnOldLove
"You guys seem like an amazing couple! Looks like you both bagged a good one, haha."
"This chick is weird as f**k, lol (laughing out loud). OP, as someone who's dealt with an insane amount of freakish people, all they want is a reaction, good or bad. They get a high from affecting people's emotions. Just stay silent and act like it never bothered you."
"This will drive her nuts, lol. Not reacting gives these kinds of people such an ego-check; they can't handle it. Shame is their nemesis and this is a great way to shut them down. I know a certain wacko and when he wants a reaction, just being brief and fact-based with zero emotion really does the trick."
"Plus, you don't have to worry about a response and it just takes one more stressor off your plate while you're pregnant. You, your baby, and your husband don't need this drama. So let her work herself up while you make a new T-shirt tradition together. Oh, and screen her calls!" - Alive_Channel8095
Others agreed and thought it was obvious the SIL wanted to get with the OP's husband.
"Eh, I think every woman can agree BIL's girlfriend wants the husband. I mean, imagine telling the wife, you're so lucky to have him during the whole wedding ceremony and then wanting to wear your husband's shirt then wanting to call the wife and show her you're wearing the shirt of your husband."
"She's really jealous but also a lot unhinged." - ImTheLazyPerson
"She wants the other brother instead of who she has. Do annoying things, hoping to cause OP to get mad, and hopefully cause issues. My response would be, 'Yes I didn't recognize it because it looks so much better on me. That's just not your color.'"
"And sadly, she probably had no interest until he got married. Just a drama queen." - Alycion
"The brother-in-law needs to drop her as soon as possible! It's obvious she doesn't want him at all and is using him as a placeholder while she is actively chasing his married brother, who has a child on the way!"
"What a pathetic mess she is! To insist on FaceTime so she could show the shirt is just embarrassing and shameful."
"I've dealt with people like this before, and they are beyond unhinged. I'd file a restraining order just in case. With the pregnancy, you never can be too safe. This person thinks they she is getting somewhere wearing a shirt that only has meaning for the couple is already at stalker-like behavior."
"I would be worried about her mental state, and wouldn't want her anywhere near me until she gets professional help. I hope the wife and husband take action together with the brother-in-law, and get this woman the f outta there for that baby's sake." - Raine-Storm888
"OP, if your husband is really as irritated as he seems to be, he needs to tell her to cut that s**t out. In more polite but firm words, of course. He can tell her she makes him feel uncomfortable and there will never be anything between them."
"He can say it in front of witnesses or in writing. Just make sure there are witnesses or a trail."
"It's got to come from him and not you. NTA to both of you; she's the only AH here." - DirtyBoots_1990
The subReddit readily joined in with the OP on how weird this was, coming from the potential sister-in-law toward the OP's husband. Whether she was vying for attention, secretly wanted the OP's husband, or was hungry for some family drama, all she managed to do was weird everyone out.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.