There are many unspoken rules for certain events and social gatherings which have more or less become common knowledge.
Always bring a bottle of wine or appetizer to a dinner party, at least reach for the bill on a first date to show you’d be comfortable paying or wearing black or dark colors to a funeral.
Generally speaking, you won’t necessarily get in trouble for not adhering to these unspoken rules. Doing so will likely subject you to a hefty amount of questionable looks, if not outright judgment.
Redditor StrangeAir9373 wasn’t so keen on the idea of including her soon-to-be sister-in-law (SIL) as part of her bridal party but did so as a favor to her brother.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s concerns about including her in the celebrations proved justified after she broke one of the unspoken rules of what not to wear to a bachelorette party.
Resulting in the OP making a decision that only made their relationship all the more fraught.
Wondering if she had been unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not including my SIL in photos during my bachelorette party because she wore white?”
The OP explained how her SIL’s outfit choice at her bachelorette party resulted in her missing out on an important part of the celebration.
“I’m getting married (yay!), and my brother ‘John’ asked me to include his girlfriend ‘Sarah’ as a bridesmaid as a way to get her involved with our family since he wants to propose soon.”
“I wasn’t happy. She’s quite snobbish, almost in a comically villainous way.”
“She once made fun of the fact that I get most of my groceries from the local big box supercenter and not somewhere with more ‘high-quality product’.”
“But I love John and it mattered a lot to him, so I agreed.”
“Onto the issue: on the final night of my bachelorette party, we decided to have one ‘big’ meal that was really pricey and fancy that we all saved up for.”
“Sarah said she had to take an emergency work meeting and for us to go ahead first (the restaurant was walkable from our hotel).”
“Guys, when Sarah showed up, I was FLOORED.”
“She came in a white sparkly sequin number with a tulle skirt and a tiara.”
“When we were planning the trip, my MOH made it abundantly clear that everyone was supposed to wear pink so we could get a really cute photo together at the restaurant.”
“I’m not even kidding. Her outfit was so bridal looking the waitress actually asked if we were having a joint bachelorette party.”
“I was so upset that when it came time to take photos, I absolutely refused to have Sarah in them.”
“She said it wasn’t her fault because she ‘didn’t get the memo,’ but I told her it was common sense not to wear a bridal looking dress to a bachelorette party if you’re not the bride!”
“Plus, she was in the group chat and even made comments about another girl’s outfit when we were talking about what we wanted to wear, so I know she knew!”
“All of my friends were on my side, and they made sure she didn’t end up in the photos.”
“When we got home, she pitched a fit to my brother saying that we bullied her at my party and deliberately left her out.”
“She was also pissed because a lot of family and friends noticed she wasn’t in the photos, and I wasn’t afraid to tell them exactly why.”
“My brother’s really upset, though, because she’s been crying and whining about it nonstop since.”
“Apparently, they’re both so mad that they’re going to skip Father’s Day brunch, so the whole thing is blowing up even more.”
“I’m starting to feel bad because my mom told me that my brother and Sarah were fighting a lot now, so I’m not sure if I’m being the AH here.”
“My brother called me a bridezilla, but I really feel like Sarah was trying to ruin my night.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to include Sarah in any of the pictures at her bachelorette party.
Everyone agreed that if Sarah’s outfit wasn’t inappropriate enough already, the tiara officially put it over the top, with many also expressing their hopes that John doesn’t end up going through with the wedding.
“NTA, she was wearing a tiara.”
“A tiara to someone else’s Bachelorette party.”
“She knew exactly what she was doing.”- PersonalityNo1096
“So a snobbish girl with the moxie to lie about not knowing the agreed-upon rule has the gall to show up like a bride (w/ a tiara, mind you) to your bachelorette party, then proceeds to throw a fit to your brother while gaslighting everyone, thereby driving a wedge in the family which ultimately leads to an asinine idea of skipping father’s day brunch in a stupid protest.”
“Lol, if John ends up marrying her, you’re in for a lifetime of headaches.”
“Good luck.”
“NTA.”- HIOP-Sartre
“NTA because tiara.”- townwitchkeebs
“NTA.”
“The f*ck.”
“F*ck around and find out SIL.”
“SIL wore a f*cking tiara, please.”- Amar_Akbar_Anthony20
“Your brother better wake up before he has to spend thousands of dollars to divorce her.”
“If he is still mad at you, ask him what he would think if you wore the bridal outfit at her bachelorette party.”
“Ask him how he thinks you should’ve handled the situation because you know that she knew what the plan was and deliberately stayed behind so that she could show up in her attention-seeking outfit.”
“She knew you and your friends wouldn’t let her go with you if she had changed while you were all at the motel, or whatever.”- Didisaythatoutloud72
“NTA.”
“This is a pretty cut-and-dry case of ‘f around and find out’ to me.”
“Actions have consequences, and she behaved not only inappropriately from a ‘social norms’ pov but also from a simple ‘following instructions as part of a bridal party’ pov.”
“Is it possible that she wasn’t trying to ruin the dinner and made a mistake in outfit choice?”
“Sure, maybe she just has terrible judgment and social awkwardness.”
“But even if that were the case, she’d not be entitled to be in the designated group photo where everyone’s wearing pink, and a normal person would be remorseful and embarrassed about that kind of mistake.”
“Even if that was true, you’re also not responsible for her relationship with your brother.”
“More likely, your gut was correct, and she was acting maliciously for any number of dumb reasons, making her TA.”
“It’s not like you refused to let her partake in the fancy dinner or kicked her out of the wedding party, right?”
“It’s a photo.”
“So congrats on the wedding, and you need to ignore this woman while she fizzles out.”
“Hope your brother learns from this and stops taking it out on you.”- NotSoSure8765
“NTA!”
“A TIARA and a TULLE SKIRT?”
“All in white?”
“Someone was clearly jealous of the attention you were getting.”
“If the drama continues, I would reduce the size of the bridal party by one.”
“Lord knows what kind of stunt she would pull on the wedding day.”- Anxious-Ocelot-712
“NTA.”
“But I’d remove her immediately from the bridal party.”
“She sounds like someone who would ‘accidentally trip’ and spill something on a white dress.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her to demand he proposes during your reception.”
“Good luck with this one.”- dahmerpartyofone
“I know this is mostly women commenting on this post, but even as a man, id say kick her out of your bridal party.”
“This won’t be her last go at ruining your special day.”- david4michael
“NTA glad your friends took your side and good for you for not making bs excuses for the girlfriend.”-book_worm_4_life
“NTA.”
“Yea, she was trying to ruin your night.”
“I hope your brother finds a better gf.”- Nohomers12
“A freakin tiara?!?”
“Hellllll no.”- Different_Ad_7671
“NTA at all.”
“It was so disrespectful of her to do that to you and take away your moment.”- Shot-Tomato-5512
“NTA She sounds like a prick, she knew what she was doing, no one accidentally wears a f*ckin tiara lmao.”- pepesupreme22
“NTA.”
“She sounds as if she’s still living her high school mean-girl glory days.”
“Good grief.”
“I know it’s too late now, but there have been lots of other women who’ve had to suffer someone in their family wearing white.”
“So a lot of those people are resolving this issue with Photoshop.”
“One woman’s MIL was the one who wore white, and she photoshopped her dress and changed it to red in all the photos.”- canvasshoes2
It’s hard not to assume that anyone who wears a tiara to anything isn’t trying to veer all the attention towards them.
The bachelorette party pictures might not be the only thing Sarah finds herself excluded from, as the OP is no doubt questioning whether or not she wants her to be one of her bridesmaids anymore.
For that matter, it’s entirely likely that John might not want her at their own wedding either.