No two people share the same comfort level.
And even if someone else’s discomfort towards certain things may seem ridiculous to others, it’s always important to respect it.
As one never knows where people’s fear or discomfort regarding certain experiences or situations may stem from.
The sister of Redditor soontobeaunt, wanted her to be part of an upcoming milestone in her life
But, as this meant being in the room as this was taking place, the original poster (OP) openly expressed how she wasn’t comfortable being there, which her sister and mother simply could not accept.
Wondering if she was, in fact, out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to be present at my sister’s birth?”
The OP explained how her sister wanted her to be part of the birth of her first child in a way that made the OP extremely nervous.
“I (21 F[emale]) have a sister, (27 F), Liv, who will be giving birth in a couple weeks I guess and she’s doing a home birth.”
“She has made elaborate plans for her labour and is excited for the process, I’m also excited for her too but honestly it seems a little scary to me.”
“I’ve unfortunately seen my mom’s labour footage, it was not a good experience.”
“I was legit traumatized.”
“Now the thing is that Liv wants to be surrounded by family while laboring.”
“By family I mean; her husband and a few female family members from both sides.”
“Her sister-in-law (SIL) is coming and from our side, mom will be there.”
“When the conversation came up the other day, she totally just casually said that we’ll get her through it.”
“I told her that I was not going to be there because I’m not sure if I would be able to stay calm seeing her agitated and, of course, witnessing the bloody miracle of birth.”
“She was surprised that I was saying such a thing.”
“I tried to reason with her and said that I’ll support her in every other way, like cooking or cleaning her house but I just don’t want to be there when she’s all screaming and the baby’s coming out.”
“She got super angry, and lectured me on how I was ruining her perfect labour plan and then mom also got on my back that I was being squeamish for no reason.”
“Liv then got super emotional and mom tried to calm her down and gestured for me to leave which I did.”
“I understand that Liv is emotional of course because she’s just about to give birth but i really don’t think I’ll be a stable person during that process, it’s better that I come after.”
“I have no problem in taking care of her and of course I’ll love the baby so much after its born.”
“But I just can’t stop feeling so guilty for saying no to Liv and of course she became quite stressed because of my refusal.”
“So reddit, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for declining to be in the room as her sister gave birth.
Everyone agreed that it was unreasonable for the OP’s sister to demand she be there as she gave birth, with many fearing how the OP’s sister will react should even the slightest thing go wrong during her birth.
“If her ‘perfect labor plan’ can’t accommodate one person who isn’t the midwife or even the father being absent, I shudder to think how she’s going to handle it if there are complications or the baby just comes too darn fast to gather everyone.”- mm172
“Your sister seems to not understand the difference between an invitation and a summons.”-Locksmith91
“I think a lot of people don’t realize that just because you’re giving birth ‘your way’ doesn’t mean you get to dictate who has to be there.”
“If you’re not comfortable being there, then that’s it.”
“Sure it’s nice to have your brother/sister, their mom/dad and partner but not everyone can deal with the blood and situation.”
“My brother can’t see blood or he’ll pass out so he wasn’t there at the birth of his daughter, in the room, but she had plenty of support and understood his situation and wasn’t upset by it.”-AUserHasNoName42069
“Normally the posts are all about how birth is not a spectator sport.”
“I think we need to add ‘it’s also not a royal summons’.”- Narcdoff
“Damn girl who the hell wants a room full of people in the room when they’re squeezing a baby out?”
“I barely even wanted to be there when I was giving birth to my own son!”
“Childbirth can be gnarly AF and I find it hilarious that your sister has this elaborate plan for her ‘perfect birth’, cause 50 bucks says she barely remembers half of it anyway.”
“Your sister is being a total wacko about this.”- invomitous-rex
“NTA of course.”
“She doesn’t get to force other people to participate in her labour.”- StrongBlueberry5432
“I have a friend who passed out during his wife giving birth and cracked his head open on the floor.”
“He spent the next 90 minutes in the ER getting stitched up.”
“Don’t do this.”
“Listen to your inner voice.”- 7dayweekendgirl
“Tell me your sister lives to be the centre of attention without telling me she lives to be the centre of attention.”
“Sorry you have to deal with your mom having made her the Golden Child.”- refill_lady
“She doesn’t get to demand that you’re there and I think it’s sorta nuts that she created this dream labour plan and assumed it was gospel without even asking people that if they would be okay with it.”- CrystalQueen3000
“She can invite you, but she can not expect to just order her subjects to do her bidding.”
“That’s not how life works.”
“And honestly the line ‘perfect labour plan’ actually made me laugh out loud.”
“Spoken like only someone who has no kids can.”
“Perfect… plan… sorry, that hilarious.”- BlueLavender0104
“I have no desire to be in the room when anything is going into or coming out of my sister’s vagina.”
“I think that’s a reasonable boundary to have in place in our relationship.”- majere616
“I’d say no to that request too.”
“I have NO DESIRE to watch my sister give birth.”
“And just because you want something doesn’t mean you can have it.”
“Your feelings matter too, and your preferences don’t interfere with what she wants, which is her husband there and female family presence from both sides.”
“I’m not even sure WHY she’d want this when you’re not comfortable with it.”
“She needs to understand that her feelings aren’t the only ones that matter.”
“If you were traumatized watching your mom’s videos of giving birth, it stands to reason that you wouldn’t want to witness something similar in real time.”
“Tell them no means no and to drop the subject.”
“You have a right to say no to this request.”
“And she should be very grateful of what help you ARE willing to provide AFTER the birth instead of having a temper tantrum that you don’t want to witness the actual birth.”- jammy913
“I wonder where she got the idea that this would be an interesting spectator sport or that she gets to overrule you on how you spend hours of your time.”
“My guess is that there will be plenty of babysitting requests in the future that would not require your consent in her eyes.”
“Start setting boundaries now, she’s going to have to learn to manage her feelings of disappointment herself.”- cassowary32
“You can’t force someone to be there for a labour she’s being ridiculous.”
“I’ve had 3 and my god yes they can be traumatizing when they go wrong.”
“1 of mine left me on the brink if you get my gist.”
“Stand your ground if you’re not comfortable you don’t need to go.”
“By the sounds of it she’s going to have a hell of a lot of support anyway.”
“Not like she’s on her own.”
“And even then she wouldn’t have the right to force you.”- fluffsnail
“You are not an emotional support animal.”
“You can promise that you will not be a stable calming influence under duress.”- spiritfiend
Childbirth is, without a doubt, a miracle.
Though it’s also an incredibly stressful, nerve wracking time for the mothers to be, making it somewhat understandable why the OP’s sister wants to be surrounded by loved ones.
But, one could argue that there are many reasons why it is left to medical professionals to handle, as, miracle or not, it is not for the faint of heart.
One imagines, however, that after the arrival of this beautiful baby, all will quickly be forgiven.