Being a parent isn’t easy.
Children require a great deal of attention and care.
Some parents are lucky enough to have a lot of help raising their kids.
Unfortunately, that help can be disregarded and disrespected.
Leaving a helpful caretaker angry.
Redditor sealee- wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my sister that if she has a problem with how I’m raising her kid, she can raise her herself?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (19 M[ale]) live at home with my parents, my sister ‘Ruth’ (24 F[emale]), and her 1.5-year-old daughter ‘Scarlet.'”
“Names changed for privacy reasons.”
“Ruth isn’t exactly the greatest mother.”
“She just does whatever Ruth wants to do – and Scarlet’s more of an afterthought for her.”
“My parents and I are basically raising Scarlet at this point, and when Ruth decides she wants to be a mother, she gets involved.”
“I don’t love it, but I have taken on a lot of responsibilities with my niece because I want her to have the best life possible and positive influences to guide her.”
“Yesterday morning, my niece was calling for me when she woke up from a nap.”
“So I did the usual routine of changing her, reading to her, and then getting her a snack.”
“About halfway through her snack, Ruth came downstairs.”
“And when she noticed that I had given her bananas, she got mad.”
“She said that I shouldn’t feed her bananas because she’ll just mush them into the highchair tray and it will be a bigger mess to clean up later. “
“She said that it would ‘make her life harder later’ and that I’m ‘annoying.'”
“I told her that if she’s got a problem with how I’m caring for (and basically raising) her child, then she can start looking after her herself.”
“And that, let’s face it, she probably wouldn’t even be cleaning up the bananas later.”
“She got mad and said that I have no right to judge her parenting and that I don’t know how hard it is being a single parent.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You have no right to judge her parenting… which parenting?”
“The one she avoids like the plague?”
“NTA, but don’t be naive, this situation is unstable for all of you because your sister is unstable.”
“It’s time to record and collect proof of her ‘parenting’ because she seems like one of those people who weaponize their child.” ~ MasterpieceOk4688
“NTA, she doesn’t get to cherry-pick when she’s ‘Mom’ and when she’s not.
“Either step up or shut up!!!” ~ ExcellentSea9521
“NTA. And it’s fine if a baby mashes food.”
“It’s part of development.”
“They’re exploring, and they’re not exactly eating with forks and knives.”
“Honest to goodness.”
“Thank God you and your parents are there.” ~ DarthRedYoga
“That’s a good thing.”
“She’s mimicking people feeding her.”
“In other words, she’s learning how to socialize with the world.”
“One of the ways she’s been socialized is that her family (who loves her) has fed her, so she’s feeding you back (because she loves you).”
“The mashing is just about texture and how it feels.”
“She’ll mash everything for a few months.”
“Everything in the whole world is new.”
“She has to experience everything.”
“Sometimes that’s really messy.”
“You’re NTA.”
“Your sister is participating even less than you think by trying to limit your niece to ‘neat’ foods or ‘easier’ (for sister) experiences when she is around.”
“Not only should sister not just dip in and out when she feels like it, but sister shouldn’t interfere with her development when she does decide to pay attention to her own daughter.” ~ LavenderGwendolyn
“A bit off topic, but did you know that slices of (not-too-ripe) bananas will easily break into three pieces if you pinch them in the middle with your thumb and forefinger?”
“Maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t smash them up if she could pick up smaller pieces??”
“Regardless, you are NTA, and it’s completely normal for a kid your niece’s age to play with their food.”
“Also, your sister sucks.” ~ WelfordNelferd
“NTA. Anything a 1.5-year-old eats will be messy.”
“Your sister shouldn’t complain about free childcare as long as it’s not dangerous or harmful.”
“You sound like a good uncle stepping up for your niece.”
“A lot of people your age wouldn’t.”
“That’s another reason you’re right to call out your sister for complaining.”
“At 19, I wouldn’t even babysit my stepsister, let alone a baby.” ~ pinknarc
“NTA. Keep being a good person to your niece, she’s going to need it.” ~ Korike0017
“NTA. She isn’t a single parent.”
“She’s a person who had a kid and lives in the same house as the kid.”
“Even the kid knows it.”
“She calls for you after a nap, not her birth giver.”
“So, if she wants to be a real single parent, then let her.”
“Not your kid, not your problem. Literally.”
“Tell your mom, and you and Grandma will no longer be caring for Ruth’s child.”
“She said she’s a single parent, then she can be a single parent.”
“I give her a day before she’s on her knees begging you and mom to take her back over again.”
“And you shouldn’t.”
“You’re 19.”
“You should be living your life.”
“Enjoying your youth.”
“Not playing parent because your lazy sister can’t be bothered to care for the kid she chose to have.” ~ R4eth
“NTA. It doesn’t sound like she knows how hard it is and is just guessing.”
“If it ‘takes a village,’ maybe don’t look that gift village in the mouth, or something.” ~ SignificantScheme259
“She got mad and said that I have no right to judge her parenting and that I don’t know how hard it is being a single parent.”
“Tell her that apparently neither does she, NTA.” ~ Due_Assistance9459
“You weren’t judging her parenting.”
“She was judging yours.”
“And she has no right.”
“The person doing it gets to do it their way. NTA.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA. You’re not ‘judging her parenting,’ you’re telling her that if she’s going to be anal about how YOU help her raise her kid, she can do it all on her own.”
“I see nothing wrong with that.”
“You wanna complain about how I do things to help you, then do it yourself.” ~ SigSauerPower320
“NTA. What parenting has she done?”
“If she wants a say in how her daughter should be raised, she needs to be an involved mother to Scarlett.” ~ RaineMist
“I want to commend you for helping out your niece.”
“Great job, I wish more kids had someone in their life like you.”
“NTA. Your sister is trying to be the big sister but also a mother in charge without doing any of the work.”
“Remind your sister that she has her family’s support and not a single mother.”
“If she wants to play the single mother card, then she needs to move out and take care of the baby by herself.”
“Then you’ll feel sorry for her, but if other family members take care of her daughter, then she’s gonna have to back off and be grateful.”
“She should recognize how lucky she is to have you help her.” ~ Ok-Policy490
“NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility.”
“What you said is true, you’re doing her a favor.”
“If she doesn’t appreciate it, she can do it alone.” ~ Deep-Manner-4111
“It’s a really tricky one as sister needs to grow up and step up, and that’ll only happen if everyone else steps back to leave her on her own.”
“Chances are she’ll sink instead of swimming, which would be very unfair on the kid and ruin their life.”
“Seeing what would happen is why OP is stepping up and looking out for the kid.”
“Totally NTA.” ~ Hamsternoir
“NTA, this sounds completely like my sister and my niece.”
“She never looks after her daughter, my mum has her 24/7, but when she thinks we’re doing wrong, she’ll shout at us, or tell us we can’t take her anywhere or give her something.” ~ leavers2021
“NTA. I was a single parent.”
“I did not live with anyone else, so I did everything myself.”
“Yes, it was hard, but it was totally worth it.”
“Your sister isn’t a single parent.”
“She is sharing the parenting responsibility with you and her parents.”
“She has no clue what it is like to be 100% responsible for a child on her own.” ~ 77Megg77
“NTA, somehow her worldview can’t let her do anything wrong.”
“Do right by your niece, just don’t have too many angry encounters in front of your niece.” ~ mikey5236o6
“NTA. She’s not a single parent.”
“She has you and both of your parents.”
“Tell her that.” ~ djy99
“NTA. My mother was just like Ruth.”
“She lived her life when and how she wanted, and I was just along for the ride.”
“I cherish everything my aunt did for me.”
“I no longer speak to my mother.”
“You are giving that baby the love she deserves, and if Ruth doesn’t like it, then she can either step up or move out.”
“And maybe get some therapy.” ~ ExistentialWonder
“NTA!!! You are raising her child, and she is trying to micromanage care she is not giving.”
“You will be an amazing father to her when you eventually get custody.”
“I know that’s not what you are doing, but I know how this is going to end up without even thinking hard about it.” ~ Cheap-Party-0420
“NTA. A 1.5-year-old calling out for their UNCLE and not their mom shows what huge significance and presence you have in her life.”
“Next time, tell your sis that you know how hard it is being a single parent.”
“Mention that it’s even harder being a 19-year-old single parent.”
“Oops, the pettiness in me!” ~ Historical-Nimrod01
Reddit supports you, OP.
Your sister is lucky to have you.
It sounds like it’s time for your parents to sit her down and have a difficult conversation.
You don’t deserve that kind of disrespect.