Every now and then, if a friend or family member can provide a discount for a certain service, it’s hard to resist not taking advantage.
Expecting them to provide that service for free, however, is an entirely different story.
The sister of Redditor Pyramid_Milk6023 tried to do just that with her boyfriend, and the original poster (OP) was less than thrilled about it.
But wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to introduce my sister to my dietitian boyfriend so she get free weight loss help?”
The OP first shared a brief history of a struggle she and her sister have had to endure.
“I have one sibling, a sister.”
“We aren’t twins but we were born in the same calendar year, on New Year’s Day and Thanksgiving Day.”
“Our parents and grandparents didn’t have the healthiest relationships with weight, food and eating and I was overweight and obese when I was a kid.”
“At age 18, I weighed over 350 pounds.”
“I’m not overweight now.”
“When I moved out and could control my own food I lost lots of weight.”
“I consulted a doctor to make sure my eating habits were healthy because I didn’t want to make my health worse or end up with an eating disorder.”
“I weigh about 130 pounds now and I make sure to keep active.”
“Moving out and getting my own place was the best thing I ever did.”
“My sister was in the same boat as I was.”
“When she saw my weight loss she asked what I was doing.”
“I gave her the name of my doctor and my gym.”
“She did go but after a while she gave up and tried other things.”
“I tried to be supportive.”
“We’re in our 30s now and she has tried every diet under the sun (Weight Watchers, Noom, Keto, Intermittent fasting, the feeding tube diet and about a hundred others).”
“She has gotten to under 300 pounds before but she yo-yo diets and the last time we spoke she told me she was probably close to 500 pounds now.”
The OP then revealed that her current boyfriend happened to be in a profession which could be of help to her sister.
“My boyfriend is a registered dietitian and he has a PhD.”
“I didn’t meet him in relation to my weight loss.”
“That all happened almost 15 years before we met.”
“At that time I had consulted with a doctor due to being really obese and having other health issues from the complications.”
“Since my sister found out his occupation she’s been bugging me constantly to let her meet him.”
“Not because she wants to get to know him but so he can help her lose weight.”
“I’ve tried telling her she needs a doctor and a therapist but she has accused me of hiding him to prevent her from losing weight.”
“I’ve been her biggest support but I’ve been where she is and she needs more help than a dietitian can give.”
“Even if he was equipped to help her, she expects he would help her for free because he’s dating me but I would never ask him to do that.”
“She’s even said he can refer her to a colleague but they aren’t equipped to help either and he’d never ask a colleague to do it for free.”
“It’s really put a strain on our relationship because she is telling everyone I’m trying to stop her weight loss and whenever we talk which is few and far between now she accuses me.”
“Part of me wants to help her but I don’t think this will work.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation.
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors all but unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole in her decision to forbid the free services of her boyfriend to her sister.
There was an overall agreement that the OP was correct in fearing that her working with her to lose weight created all sorts of ethical issues and conflicts of interest.
“NTA.”
“I am going to give your characters random names- it helps me visualize.”
“To your sister, you say something like ‘Brenda, I have already shared with you every resource I used and if you want to enlist the expertise of a dietician, I will be glad to get you some names but I am not going to put Mitch in an awkward position by having you try to get free treatment.’
“‘Not only is it unreasonable to expect him to work for free, it would be potentially unethical for him to take you on as a client, payment or not, because you’re my sister.'”
“Repeat as needed.”
“Eventually, you probably will have to introduce them but before that happens, have a long, serious discussion with Mitch about your concerns and make sure he knows that you don’t want him offering professional advice beyond, possibly a referral to a colleague or a suggestion about a book or two that he finds particularly helpful.”
“If you don’t make it clear that you foresee problems from any other approach, he may get the idea that he has some duty to advise your sister, thinking you’re just being considerate in not asking him to.”
“Mitch’s line is as follows ‘I am sorry but I can’t give professional advice in a social situation and there are ethical issues that would make it wrong for me to accept you as a client.'”
“Followed by an open ended question about her interests, hobbies, pets or favorite books.” – rapt2right.
“If you introduce him to your sister, she will tell everyone that he is hack when he doesn’t give her the magic tips to reduce her weight. “
“You are correct.”
“Your sister needs to speak to her doctor and a therapist.”
“Moreover, your boyfriend is likely bound by ethical rules that prevent health care provides from a dual relationship with a patient.”
“He probably can’t treat your sister because of his relationship with you.”
“NTA.” -type1error
“NTA.”
“If you haven’t already, I’d give him a heads up.”
“He may not even want to treat her because it could be a conflict of interest.” – Lola_M1224
Others felt that under no circumstances is it all right to ask or expect a professional to offer their services free of charge.
“NTA.”
“It is always AH move to expect professionals to offer their services for free.”
“I would think you could introduce your boyfriend at an appropriate time; when your sister asks for free help he could use that magic word – ‘NO’.” -zwergschnauzer.
“NTA.”
“You don’t want your sister to harass your boyfriend for free help.”
“If she wants to see a dietitian, she can do it with someone you’re not dating, on her own dime.” -eicaker
“NTA.”
“Demanding freebies from a relative’s SO is just soooo tacky.”
“I feel for your sister, and her desperation comes across in your post, but other people can’t make you lose weight.”
“Only she can do that for herself.” – StAlvis
If there is any good to come from this awkward position the OP’s sister put her in, it might be that at least the OP’s sister is aware she is in need of help.
Here’s hoping she finds the help she needs, from someone who can provide it to her without conflict.