Welcoming a siblings partner into the family is sometimes a total breeze. And sometimes it’s pretty dang tough.
That difficulty, though, ramps up a whole lot when it comes after years of strain on the sibling relationship.
A Redditor recently posted this experience on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as aavx257 on the site, shared how bad things got right in the title.
“AITA for cussing out my brothers wife after months of disrespect”
OP led with the troublesome backstory.
“I (25-year-old male) have two brothers (27-year-old male) and (19-year-old male), when I was around seventeen older bro decided to spontaneously move out to allegedly study abroad and explore the world.”
“He kept in and out of contact, before eventually cutting contact with us so he could ‘do things on his own.’ “
“It was very hard for us.”
Then came a big surprise.
“Flash forward, I am engaged to my longtime gf (26-year-old female) and my little brother also has a longtime gf (19-year-old female).”
“We hadn’t heard from big bro but at this point we had kinda gotten over it.”
“Until around Dec 2020 when one night after a small party my older bro shows up…with a wife and two kids.”
Needless to say, this took some adjusting.
“We were all shocked, we didn’t know he was married, let alone had two children.”
He told us that he was moving back since he was done traveling, and that he wanted his kids and wife to meet his family.”
“I’m ngl, it was really hard to just suddenly accept this whole thing, though I tried.”
OP hoped things would improve once everybody finally met and got to know each other.
“We decided to have a family dinner once he settled down at his new house, and immediately it was a disaster.”
“SIL clearly didn’t like my fiancé nor my little bro’s gf, and would subtly nag at them and interrupt their stories so she could one-up them with her own.”
“I could tell this was really bothering them, my fiancé constantly denied this though and said she was probably just having a rough time.”
“After the dinner my little bro privately messaged me about how uncomfortable his gf was and how SIL was a b*tch.”
“I told him maybe that SIL was just having a bad night or had a rough time with the move and that we shouldn’t judge her so quickly.”
“I was wrong.”
“For all of 2021, my SIL basically tormented my fiancé, little bro’s gf, and even our mother.”
“She would nag them about their appearances, outfits, cooking, basically anything she could, and then would boost herself up by talking about herself and how she was basically good at everything.”
“It was really annoying, I tried to say something multiple times but was shot down.”
But alas, OP had some good news to share.
“Recently my fiancé got pregnant, she has some fertility issues and we hadn’t been actively trying for a baby but we were still happy nonetheless because we thought it might’ve never happened.”
“We planned a dinner where we would announce the pregnancy to the rest of the family: our grandparents, aunts, and uncles.”
How could this possibly go wrong, right?
“At the dinner we announced the pregnancy, after a few congratulations from family members SIL stood up from her seat and ‘faints’…”
“…when she woke up she claims that she was so overwhelmed and upset because she was about to announce her third pregnancy and we took her special moment away from her.”
For OP, that demanded a response.
“This was the final straw for me, I couldn’t hold it back anymore.”
“I immediately started going off on her, bringing up everything she’s done within the last few months. I’m not going to lie, I also threw in some nasty comments about her as well.”
“SIL looked stunned, and almost everyone else did as well. My fiancé and I left after.
“I don’t think I’m the a**hole, but some family members are on her side and said what I did was unnecessary and I should apologize to her, so AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
An overwhelming majority of Redditors were entirely on OP’s side. They were stunned right along with him.
“NTA. There is only so much bs people will take before something gives.”
“She pushed you to breaking point and even ruined your pregnancy party. She doesn’t deserve an apology. I think it’s about time big brother got put back on NC.” — GiantPixi
“NTA. But how attached are you to your big bro? Is he worth putting up with SIL? Is he worth putting your future wife through it? Does your little brother feel the same way?”
“Might be time to resume maintaining the level of communication big bro set a wife and 2 kids ago.” — Summoning-Freaks
“NTA. You may not have handled it in the best manner but I say ‘NTA’ simply because you stood up for your significant other – and that’s awesome.”
“Good luck to you both with your future endeavors!” — Eunoia_Gal
Others even offered up a few informal diagnoses.
“NTA Amazed you put up with that for so long, I hate people that always have to one up you.”
“Take solace in the fact that these people are extremely insecure and are threatened by self confidence.” — Lucyfiir
“NTA. I feel like there was no other way to handle it. Some people need to be yelled at and humbled. She’s has internal misogyny as she went only after the women.” — Legitimate-Chair6580
“NTA but she and the family that supports her are. She’s an abusive narcissist. Her nasty remarks should have been address months ago. The swooning was something out of 1930’s movie.”
“Brother isn’t someone I would respect either. He went no/low contact for seven years. Going low/no contact with he and his wife wouldn’t be a big loss.” — Careless-Image-885
So OP can proceed with this relationship in a few different ways. But one thing is for certain: he wasn’t crazy for snapping like he did.