“What goes around, comes around.”
While this age-old saying is not the gospel truth, many nonetheless believe that their actions do indeed have consequences.
As a result, if they treat others the way they want to be treated, they believe that good luck will likewise rub off on them.
On the flipside, if they treat others poorly, they similarly believe that they might find themselves in similarly bad luck down the line.
Whether it be the cosmos or merely coincidence, more often than not, people find these superstitions turn out to be true.
Redditor Connect-Meeting-4219 was living a mostly happy life with her husband, also expecting her first child.
The original poster (OP)’s life took an unexpected turn, however, when her estranged sister got back in contact with her, asking for a little help.
Help the OP’s sister flatly refused to give, owing entirely to her history with her sister and her family.
After her husband tried to forgive her to forgive and move on, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not allowing my sister to come live with me and my husband?”
The OP explained why she was feeling anything but forgiving and charitable towards her sister:
“I (32 F[emale]) currently live with my husband (37 M[ale]) in a two floor house in the suburbs that is big enough for both of us and also to house lots of guests if needed.”
“Seven years ago, when I was 25, I lost my one and only soulmate; my best friend.”
“She was my world and my rock and everything made sense around her.”
“I could talk about her all day but that would take too long to write down and I would probably break down in tears anyway;) After she passed away due to a horrible freak accident, I fell into a depression that led to me drinking away my feelings.”
“This completely altered my life for the worse, I lost my apartment, my friends, my family and my life.”
“I had absolutely no one and my parents were so ashamed of me that they refused to let me live with them.”
“And my sister?”
“She claimed she was living in an apartment that was way too small and that she couldn’t house me.”
“I ended up being hopeless and desperate for a long, long time.”
“Six years and a million AA meetings later, I am now fully sober with a kid on the way:)”
“I never kept contact with my family after what happened, instead I focused on myself and met the love of my life.”
“Fast forward to a month ago, my sister found my new number via an old friend and contacted me asking if she could stay at my house for awhile.”
“She had lost her job and had been through a tough divorce and lost her house as well.”
“She had apparently sold the house my parents bought her to live with her partner and later lost the house due to the divorce.”
“Obviously I refused, reminding her of how she treated me in the past.”
“Last week, my parents& my sister somehow found my address and came to my house demanding to let my sister stay here.”
“My sister defended her past actions by revealing that she found out she was pregnant after my best friend passed away but never wanted to tell me due to the fact that I was grieving.”
“She also didn’t want me to stay at her place because she was scared that I would somehow push her into also being an alcoholic and harm her kid.”
“She said that her situation is different now because she already has kids, that her ex-husband has custody of, and that she wants to get her life together and needs my help.”
“After a long discussion, things were getting heated, and I had to call the police.”
“I am now thinking of filing a restraining order against them, but my husband is telling me to ‘let my rage go’ and help my family.”
“I honestly don’t know what to do, I already feel super stressed whilst pregnant and have hormones jumping out of my ears, so that may also be the reason for me being extra angry.”
“I need someone’s opinion on this situation who doesn’t know me, and I’m hoping for some advice!”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to let her sister move in with her.
Everyone agreed that as the OP’s family showed no concern or compassion towards her when she needed their help, then she was under no obligation to show any to her sister:
“NTA.”
“Let your parents take her in, and why isn’t your husband backing you 100%.”- demon803
“NTA.”
“Explain to your husband:”
“You and your sister do not have a good relationship (despite the circumstances above).”
“Allowing her and her kids in your home will bring drama and misery.”
“Your sobriety cannot take the strain.”
“You do not want the toxicity around your marriage and child.”- LouisV25
“NTA.”
“Your parents gave her a home that she mismanaged.”
“You have a baby on the way and need the stability of a safe and comfortable home.”
“Why can’t she stay with your parents?”- Statimc
“Why isn’t your sister moving in with your parents?”
“NTA.”
“You have a lot of your plate getting ready to welcome your newest family member, and there’s no way I would want a guest underfoot while trying to get through the early days of motherhood.”
“Anyone who would deny you a room when you were so down and out most probably isn’t going to step up and be helpful while you are recovering from childbirth.”
“Your sister would be a hindrance, not a help.”- 2dogslife
“NTA.”
“Let your parents take her in.”
“You are pregnant and don’t need the stress or the financial strain this will create.”- PrestigiousFace6756
“F*ck that!”
“Your husband is so so wrong.”
“NTA.”
“They can pound sand.”
“It’s funny that bUt FaMiLy only matters when you can give them something, never when you need help.”
“Absolutely do NOT give in on this.”
“People need to get the same energy they put into relationships back.”- Hippopotasaurus-Rex
“NTA.”
“Trust your instincts.”
“If a year from now you will be upset that you allowed your sister – who is clearly *still* irresponsible, blames others for her poor choices and thinks that you owe her – to worm her way back into your life, then don’t do it.”
“Will you be able to handle her if she turns into a lazy do-nothing who forces you to support her while you are a new parent?”
“What happens if you let her in now, but she refuses to leave (which is all but assured)?”
“Could you deal with the legal requirements of getting her out?”
“Parents’ views are irrelevant; they didn’t help you, and they aren’t helping her.”
“Gently, husband came onto the scene after the storm, so he doesn’t know how bad this could get.”
“Bottom line: if your beloved friend were here, whose advice you valued and who knew the parties, what would she say?”- CandylandCanada
“NTA.”
“Your husband is wrong.”
“Absolutely wrong.”
“He probably comes from a loving family and people that do have no idea and cannot imagine the cruelty that bad families can impart.”
“Get the restraining order, and make sure your husband understands they are not good people.”-ThatsItImOverThis
“Why aren’t your parents helping her instead of hunting down your new address and trying to guilt you into doing their job?”
“Tell your husband he needs to back you up on this.”
“You will never get her out of your house if she moves in.”
“You may also suddenly start have martial problems with her in your home.”
“Don’t do it.”
“NTA.”
“Keep them all exactly where they have been.”- Moemoe5
“NTA.”
“Demanding that you let your sister live with you?”
“That’s an indicator right there of how your sister would bulldoze you in your own home.”
“She can move in with mom and dad.”- MysticYoYo
“NTA.”
“Having someone live with you, who has been no contact with you for years is bonkers.”
“Remember, ‘No.’ is a complete sentence.”
“You don’t need excuses or reasons.”
“You don’t want her there.”
“That’s enough reason.”
“And if your parents and sister harass you, you get a restraining order.”- Chelonie4
“Tell your husband if he lets them into your house, YOU will leave and he can care for them, but you will not have them in your space ever again.”
“NTA.”- mountain_mists
Sometimes people need a little tough love to get the wake-up call they’ve been avoiding or ignoring for too long.
Most of the time, however, all anyone needs is a little compassion.
Compassion that the OP’s family deprived her when she needed it the most.
As the saying goes, “what goes around, comes around”…