While everyone dreams of one day living a life independent from their families, achieving that goal isn't always as easy as one might hope.
Sometimes, people need to rely on their family to help them get back on their feet.
Most of the time, our families are always ready and willing to help.
Sometimes, however, the answer might be a hard no.
Redditor FrustratedSpin lived with his fiancée.
Planning a fairly big change in her life, the sister of the original poster (OP)'s fiancé asked if she could move in with them, temporarily.
A request the OP gave some consideration, but eventually denied.
Wondering if he was wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Voting acronyms aren't required, and no final judgment is declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for telling my fiancée's sister she can't move in with us after her brother stayed for 9 months?"
The OP explained why he was unwilling to allow his fiancé's sister to be his temporary second roommate:
"My fiancée (30 F[emale]) and I (32 M[ale]) live in a 1-bedroom apartment, about 52 sqm (~560 sq ft)."
"Her brother moved in with us in February."
"The plan was for him to stay with their other sister, but they didn't get along, so he ended up with us instead."
"We helped because he had nowhere to go, and I have no problem with him."
"He's moving out next week."
"That sister (call her S) now wants to move in right after he leaves, so she can rent out her own apartment and save up to move to another country (not out of necessity, but out of choice)."
"She says that she is tired of our country and has nothing here (she has a lease, a job, and most importantly, absolutely no savings)."
"S told me it would be 'a few weeks'."
"I later found out she had told my fiancée January or February."
"By my math it would realistically take longer: she would need a deposit plus a few months of buffer, and she won't hear back on her job applications until somewhere between December and February."
"The plan also depends on three things all going right: she gets a job, her tenant works out, and her savings are enough."
"If any of them fail, our home is the fallback."
"S also tends to make big decisions very quickly and the details of her plans change a lot, so I didn't trust the timeline nor the robustness of her 'plan'."
"She has other options (her dad lives in the country she wants to move to, though she doesn't want to live 'in the woods', and I've helped her financially several times before."
"I just want my home back with me and my fiancé."
"No more people."
"I messaged S directly about this and told her that I want to have my home back with my fiancé, in a way that was clear and polite, explaining that it was affecting my relationship with her sister."
"Now she is angry at me for going back on my word (it’s a matter of principle, she says)."
"I honestly don’t care much that I did go back and I know she didn’t give me the full information and that’s why I said no, but I honestly do not wish to go tit for tat with her."
"She is also hung up on it being wrong that I did it over text 'since we’re family' but honestly I felt so tired that I just wanted to send a text and forget."
"So I rescinded the offer and wished her good luck."
"Honestly, I feel so gaslighted."
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community agreed that the OP did nothing wrong by refusing to let his fiancé's sister move in with them.
Pretty much everyone thought that if the OP allowed her to move in, he would simply be enabling her illogical plan, with others confused by the relative silence of the OP's fiancé, urging him to seriously question if marrying her was a good idea:
"NTA."
"This is how you end up with the worst kind of squatters."
"Family."- OptimalWallaby8153
"NTA, but this is your gf's issue to manage."
"And she can't throw you under the bus."
"Are you sure you wanna marry into this drama?"- TroublesomeTurnip
"NTA."
"Tell her to go live with her brother."
"It's his turn."
"He can pay it forward."
"None of this is out of necessity."
"She just wants to use you to save money."
"Tell her family doesn't use each other."- Sufficient_Song3387
"NTA."
"So, wait."
"She wants to move into YOUR little apartment so she can rent out her own apartment."
"The apartment she can live in."
"Not for a few weeks, but for at least 3 MONTHS. Just so she can save money for something that may never happen?"
"What is your fiancé saying about this?"
"Why is he letting people do this?"
"Do you have a fiancé problem?"- CatsMom4Ever
"Sit down with your fiancée and let her know enough is enough."
"And that she needs to tell her sister that she is sorry, but she can’t not live with you two."
"Just be prepared for pushback."
"If you get it?"
"You need to ask yourself if you really want to marry someone like this?"
"Someone who allows relatives to stay over without checking with you."
"Who allows them to overstay their welcome by months."
"I’m not saying you need to dump her, but you need to have a 'come to Jesus' talk with her about the realities of her family over staying their welcome and the unrealistic nature of her sister staying for at least a year."
"Because let’s be honest, this isn’t going to be a couple weeks or months."
"Are you ready to leave this relationship if she insists on her sister living with you guys?"
"Also, what does your lease say?"
"There is a good chance you three will be evicted if she moves in."- BeautifulChaosEnergy
"You said yes to 'a few weeks'."
"She told your fiancée three or four months."
"You are not going back on your word."
"You are declining to change the plan."- MeFolly
"Remember, you marry the family."
"Sounds like your fiancé comes with a lot of expensive baggage in the form of bums."
"I’d have a talk with her and lay out a hard line, it’s the two of you, if you wanted to support a bunch of other people you’d open an orphanage."- khampang
"When did you start running a free housing service for your fiancées siblings?"
"The audacity."
"Suggest you also take a hard look at fiancée and this relationship."
"Something feels like she’s moving in the shadows."
"Oh, and absolutely NTA."- SuspiciousImpact2197
"NTA."
"Why in the world does she think it’s reasonable for her to stay in your home for free so she can rent out hers for income?"
"What a leech."
"You’re not running an Air Bnb."
"This is ridiculous."- Realistic_Pool_8087
"NTA."
"But I’m not sure you understand that the big problem here is your girlfriend, and her willingness to lie to you."- Zestyclose-Custard-2
"Why isnt your fiance handling this?"- Upbeat_Vanilla_7285
"NTA, personally, '560 sq ft'."
"Ain't no family moving in with me unless it's damn, damn hard times, and not by their own hand."- bingwhip
"NTA."
"Your fiancée needs to tell her own family to stop taking the piss."
"You have ONE bedroom."
"NOBODY should be staying with you for longer than a weekend."
"Because it means that your living room becomes their bedroom and you have no privacy."
"Her sister has a home."
"She doesn’t need to stay with you."
"She wants to live with you rent-free to earn money from her own apartment."
"She won’t pay for utilities, she won’t pay for food, she will be inviting her friends over without permission."
"Ask to see her lease."
"Because subletting is probably the biggest NO in it."
"Don’t support it."
"And tell your fiancée that anyone she takes in in the future is responsible for a third of the bills."- chez2202
"She’s not actually family."
"Yet."
"It’s telling she wants to move in right after her brother leaves."
"She clearly sees you as a resource to be used and not 'family'.”
"NTA."
"If she persists, tell her you want your space back after almost a year because she was too much of a witch for her brother ('family') to live with her."- sheerpoetry
It would be one thing if the sister of the OP's fiancée was going through a hard time and needed help.
This is not the case, though, as all the OP's sister is doing is looking for a little help as she attempts to make a rather unlikely new life plan a reality.
The OP wisely deduced that letting her move in likely would have opened the door to her never moving out.
