Not everyone has the same reaction when they are asked to be part of someone’s wedding party.
Most people jump at the opportunity, as it means they get to stand alongside their close friend or family member as they hit a major milestone in life.
Others, however, don’t exactly feel “honored” by the offer, as all they can think of are all the tasks and duties they will be assigned leading up to and on the wedding.
Finding the position more like slave labor than a place of honor.
Redditor Jazzlike-Computer-78 was initially excited to be her sister’s maid of honor (MOH) at her upcoming wedding.
However, the original poster (OP)’s excitement quickly dampened when she learned that she would have one main duty on the day of the wedding.
A duty the OP was so disinterested in fulfilling, that she ultimately chose not to be her sister’s MOH.
Wondering if she was being silly for doing so, the OP took to to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for stepping down as my sister’s maid of honor after she tried to place the responsibility of her teenage daughter and future stepdaughter on me?”
The OP explained why she ultimately decided not to be her sister’s MOH:
“My sister and her fiancé Mark have known each other for 5 years.”
“At first they knew each other as parents of kids in the same class, they started dating two years ago and they got engaged 6 months ago.”
“My sister’s daughter is Lily (14) and Mark’s daughter is Gemma (14).”
“The girls weren’t big fans of each other before my sister and Mark started dating.”
“There was no bullying or serious bad blood before but they weren’t friends and they didn’t want to be.”
“Once my sister and Mark started dating?”
“Oh boy did things change.”
“Fighting at school, fighting when they’d all meet up to spend time together, fighting at home after they moved in together, they fought at the engagement party and again at the engagement dinner, which was just for family.”
“My sister asked me to be her maid of honor and I said yes.”
“At the time I wasn’t aware my sister and Mark were forcing the girls to be bridesmaids and when I learned this, my sister told me one of my maid of honor jobs was to keep on top of the girls during wedding prep and on the wedding day.”
“She wated me to make sure they were smiling for photos, to make sure they don’t argue and to make sure they didn’t ruin their dresses or anything out of spite at the wedding.”
“I told her that was a big ask and she told me it’s the duty of a maid of honor to ensure things go perfectly.”
“And it won’t be perfect if the girls look angry in photos or start yelling at each other.”
“She said it also won’t be any good if they refuse to stand near each other.”
“I told her that’s an impossible task given they fight all the time.”
“She told me I can figure something out and as the young, cool aunt I could find a way.”
“I tried once.”
“We went dress shopping for the wedding dress and the girls were fighting the whole time.”
“Gemma told my sister she looked disgusting in every dress which made her and Lily’s fighting worse.”
“It was crazy and even when I sorta got them separated it was clear they were ready to fight some more.”
“So I stepped down as maid of honor and told my sister it was not a job I would do.”
“She became angry and told me I need to step up here as her sister and who else will do it.”
“I told her nobody in their right mind would and just because I’m her sister it doesn’t mean I’m willing to be miserable like that for her.”
“She accused me of trying to ruin her wedding and her happily ever after.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for stepping down as her sister’s MOH.
Everyone agreed that not only was the request of the OP’s sister way out of line, but it was also impractical to the point of delusional, as it was clearly beyond the bandwidth of the OP to fix the animosity between Lily and Gemma, something that likely only a therapist could solve.
“From one cool aunt to another, no, NTA.”
“Your sister is a little delusional thinking you can wave your magic cool auntie wand and make these girls stop fighting/arguing/yelling.”
“Gemma clearly isn’t a fan of your neice or your sister based on telling her that she looks disgusting in the dresses she tried.”
“Happily ever after is not coming; at least not in the near future, and I guarantee that these girls will continue to be an ongoing source of stress for your sister and Mark.”
“Speaking of . . .where is Mark in of this and how is he trying to help with the girls?”
“If ever a family needed to get some kind of therapy, your sister, Mark, and these girls are prime candidates.”- All7AndWeWatchEmFall
“NTA.”
“But you should tell your sister, she should stop with the wedding planing and take the girls to therapy.”
“Or to at least live seperatly until the girls are grown up and out of the house.”
“but this is – I totally understand that the girls are acting out.”
“If they don’t like each other but their parents think ‘we have to play family now whatever you think, we don’t care’.”
“‘You are just kids’.”- Trevena_Ice
“NTA.”
“That’s an impossible task and she knows it.”
“As the Mom and future Step-Mom she can’t even control the girls.”
“And oh, man… there isn’t going to be a happily ever after for her.”
“Well, at least not until the girls move out.”- mlsinpa69
“NTA.”
“Your niece should be a bridesmaid & her fiancé’s daughter a grooms woman.”
“They should each be responsible for their own child.”
“Since there is so much animosity they should postpone the wedding until they can all be cordial.”
“They need family counseling.”- dncrmom
“NTA.”
“Your sister’s expectations of a maid of honor are absurd and unreasonable.”
“She also thinks she can simply force the two girls to like each other and to like the blended and family and she just can’t.”
“She needs to take the blending a lot more slowly.”
“She needs to get family counseling.”
“She needs to stop pretending everything is fine.”
“You are doing the right thing by not enabling her ridiculous behavior.”- cascadia1979
“NTA.”
“If they go through with the wedding now, they will be living in a war zone until the girls go to college.”
“The smart thing to do would be to postpone the wedding until the girls move out.”
“There is no way this is going to work.”
“Your sister is delusional if she thinks you can control two angry teenage girls.”
‘Please update if they go through with the wedding because it will be a disaster of nightmare proportions.”- squirrelsareevil2479
“NTA.”
“I don’t understand how two people decide to get married when their kids have such a big issue either with each other or the step-parent to be.”
“Don’t they take their kids feelings into consideration?”
“Clearly there’s something going on in these girls heads that makes co-existing in the same house a really big issue and the grown ups don’t seem to care.”
“Imagine being miserable and fighting every waking moment because your parent did a life choice for you that you hated.”- CupcakeMurder86
“My first thought is the real AH’s here are the parents for forcing this marriage ahead knowing their children are going to be so miserable.”
“But you’re NTA for your choice as well.”
“It’s a good first step in showing your sister just how bad managing the fighting is.”-_Indiana_J0nes_
“NTA.”
“If their own parents aren’t able to get them to be civil for one day how on Earth would you?”
“Sounds like both girls may need counseling.”- applebum8807
“NTA.”
:Also cool aunt.”
“She isn’t asking for kiddie wrangling, she’s asking for a miracle.”
“They shouldn’t even be getting married right now if their kids hate each other that much.”
“They need therapy and more time, at the very least.”- Jolly_Security_4771
“NTA.”
“I don’t really care how in love you are with your partner if your kids loathe each other.”
“Your kid is the priority.”
“The general you not you OP.”- BriefHorror
Everyone wants their wedding to be a perfect, drama free evening.
However, why the OP’s sister thinks the OP will somehow magically be able to stop this feud between Lily and Gemma that she and her fiancé have not been able to is almost a fool’s errand.
As many above have pointed out, this is an issue that needs to be addressed well before the wedding, and not by the maid of honor.
Whomever that ends up being.